Grandparenting

Semiquincentennial

~ MaryG ~ 10 Comments
Daily writing prompt
Go on a walk today and share a photo of something that catches your eye.
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This is the only American flag of any kind that I saw on my walk today, which is weird.

This was near the mailbox of a house that gives MAGA vibes.

I feel like Trump has ruined the nation’s big 250th birthday celebration. Nobody around here is in the mood. Between the fascist arch, the 1.8B slush fund for insurrectionists, skyrocketing fuel & healthcare prices, and the horrific reports from inside the immigrant detention centers, it’s hard to get hyped for the big party.

Related post:

Memories of the Bicentennial

Giant Bubbles & Working Knees

~ MaryG ~ 21 Comments

Further proof for my knee-replacement-considering friends that my husband is truly bouncing back. He made giant bubbles with our granddaughter last Thursday—so ten weeks post op. It was a long damn ten weeks.

You can see that left knee is still a bit swollen and red, but hey…if he can do stuff like this, it’s WAAAY better.
The 6-month post-op right knee looks almost totally normal now except the scar, which isn’t too bad. The knee does “click” a bit when he walks, which is freaky but normal, according to the doctors.

He’s still not completely off the pain meds, but they’ve been put away in a drawer and I think he’ll be able to stop taking them soon. They substituted Tramadol for Oxy and he takes one only at night now. One of the tips he gives others for TKR recovery is to just take the opioids. It’s so damn painful post-op that you will not be able to do your physical therapy without them. And PT is KEY to ending up with a good working knee. And my further tip is to make friends with cannabis. That’s gonna help you need less of the hard stuff.

If you don’t live in a Recreational Weed State, then get your medical license. It’s pretty simple to do in most states. If you live in Idaho, Kansas, Nebraska or Wisconsin, then bummer for you. WTF with those states!

And yes, my granddaughter is completely adorable. She’s even cuter from the front but since my blog is public, I don’t post pics of her face.

GIANT bubbles are cool and honestly, so is my husband. Hate to admit it, but it’s true. (I always wanted to be the cool one.) There were many times when I wished I’d married more of a goody-two-shoes/nerd, but hey….we stuck it out and now we get to be grandparents together. 😊
He chooses to be called NONNO, like my late father-in-law. (That’s Italian for grandfather.) But I did not want to be called Nonna (that’s for old ladies in support hose), so I’m just a good old American GRANDMA 👵

Support parents

~ MaryG ~ 12 Comments
Daily writing prompt
If you had an unlimited budget for 24 hours, what would you do?
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If I had an unlimited budget for 24 hours, I would use it to help support young parents.

We’re making things very hard on all young people these days, but especially on those who are brave, selfless and optimistic enough to bring forth the next generation. They deserve all the love and support we can muster. As a grandmother, I feel this is my #1 job in life.

If I could, I would pay off my daughter’s mortgage, buy her family a new car, and fully fund a college account for my granddaughter. And if I could figure out how to do it, I would help out all the other hardworking and responsible young parents out there who could really use a boost.

All photos by Melissa Briggs Photography.

My granddaughter and me
Bubbles are a favorite activity for one-year olds.
Imagine when everything in the world was new to you.
Hi Mommy!
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Supporting parents over non-parents?

~ MaryG ~ 24 Comments

Sharing financial resources is a zero sum game. Someone’s gain or increase is going to be someone else’s loss.

Do you think parents of adult children have an obligation to financially help the ones with children of their own more than the ones who do not have kids? Or do you think parents should always maintain total equality in the ways they divvy up their support to adult children?

I have been on one end of this dilemma for over 30 years. I’m the one who stayed married and raised a family. My sibling had a lavish wedding (in two locales), but quickly divorced and had no kids. She never found a career she enjoys and is frequently unemployed, despite being very highly educated.

Now I am temporarily (hopefully) on the other end of it. My son currently only has himself to take care of and my daughter is building her family.

Hypothetically, if you had 10K to share at Christmas, would you give each one 5K? Or would you take into account the selflessness and outrageously high cost of raising a child through college and tip the scale towards the parent?

I think maybe you can tell which way I lean, but I know that there are strong counter arguments.

If you’re childless and found out your parents gave your sibling more money than you in their estate plans, how would you feel? Would you feel as if they didn’t value your life as much as theirs? Or would you understand that grandchildren were factored in?

What about an opposite situation, where parents support a single, childless adult daughter more than another one who had the benefit of a husband’s income? Do singles deserve more support than those who married and raised children?

Curious for your thoughts.

“We Don’t Want Kids”

~ MaryG ~ 16 Comments

Veering into dangerous, personal, none-of-my-business territory here…

I know very well how difficult life is for young people these days. Truly unaffordable for many—especially those with debt. Combined with global warming, gun violence, rising authoritarianism, and a million other things, there are many excellent reasons to not procreate. I get it.

Also, some are not blessed with good enough health and/or a supportive partner in the child bearing years—two excellent reasons to remain childless.

BUT, I will say (and did say to my nephew and his fiancé), life is short, but it can also be looooong. You might live to be 90+ like my parents. That’s 50 years beyond 40! That’s a long damn time to not have children, and therefore grandchildren, and even great grandchildren.

My nephew’s response was that you can’t have “just one baby,” so therefore they aren’t going to have any kids. This rationale is misguided in my opinion. I think only children are wonderful. Many GenXers had just one child and they’re great. Three-person families are fantastic. My book group was comprised of all women with just one awesome daughter (until I changed my mind and had a second child later in life). I love my son beyond words, but if I’d never had him, we’d be a happy family regardless. No sibling rivalry or fights and more disposable income. We probably would’ve taken a friend on vacation with us, so my daughter would’ve always had someone to play with.

And let’s face it, adult siblings are a mixed bag. Some get along. Many do not. And things can get complicated when parents get old and die, if the siblings are not on the same page. In some ways, one supportive, well-adjusted adult child is better than two or more who do not get along.

So yes, you CAN have just one child. And if you choose to remain childless, that’s fine. We love you still. But please do not compare your dog (or cat or goldfish) to our kids and grandkids. It’s really not the same. Like…at all.

Sign of Spring

~ MaryG ~ 9 Comments

Spring is springing here in Greater Boston. Hallelujah!

I took a shot at drawing and painting these purple crocuses in my neighborhood.
I tried a bunch of different techniques and colors. Some worked. Some didn’t.

I’m realizing now you really just have to paint a lot to truly improve. Watercolors require a great deal of trial and error. And now that good weather has returned, I’m not sure how much I’ll keep painting outside of the class I’m taking.

Honestly, I’m still not sure what my life is actually going to look like longterm in retirement. We are still in a transitional period. My husband’s knee surgeries have been such a huge feature of the past year. We don’t know how much he’ll continue to work once he’s fully recovered.

I feel like my retirement travel budget is not going to be as significant as I had hoped (thanks Trump) but who knows…maybe we’ll become road trip people.

I’m trying to focus on Good Things today:

  1. It’s 73 degrees F and sunny here 😎
  2. I have a screen porch, which I just cleaned.
  3. Hungary dumped Trump & Putin’s buddy Viktor Orbán.
  4. I get to see my cutie 🥰 tomorrow.
  5. Dessert – last night I had the genius idea to sprinkle flaked coconut on two Salted Caramel Mochi from Trader Joe’s. So good.

Watercolors—baby farm animal #5

~ MaryG ~ 11 Comments

OK, last farm animal from my 5-week paint-along class and it’s not a baby! It’s a full-grown cock 😜

The teacher asked me point blank if I plan to return for the next session, which was awkward. I mean…I had some fun and learned a few things, but this paint-along-with-the-teacher style class is not really for me. I asked her to “please keep me on the mailing list.” Maybe I’ll return if she chooses a subject I really want help with, like sunsets.

Thank you to my very awesome WordPress blog friends who have patiently looked at all of my BFAs.

🙏🏼

By the way, “Old MacDonald Had a Farm” is one of my granddaughter’s favorite songs and I absolutely love singing it with her. It’s fun to take a long pause before you sing the next animal’s name. It adds drama and excitement!

Good news

~ MaryG ~ 20 Comments

Two good things have happened in my family recently. My daughter’s partner is now my official son-in-law. They tied the knot on their own at the Town Hall. I’m a little bit disappointed that I wasn’t there, but hey, at least I got a picture. My son-in-law is a good and kind person and a wonderful Girl Dad to my granddaughter. He’s also tall and good looking (never hurts).

Let’s face it, weddings are fun, but some young people and their parents spend (waste?) ridiculous amounts of money on them. Personally, I was a lifelong believer in the Princess Bride fantasy and had a traditional wedding (paid for by my parents). I think I’ve cracked open our wedding album about three times in 33 years. And I’ve never watched my wedding video. So the fact that my daughter totally skipped out on feeding “the wedding-industrial conplex” (as my friend calls the wedding biz) is OK by me.

The other good thing is that my son landed a new, better job within his company. And the really good news is that he doesn’t have to move out of state to take it! I really like his company and they seem to really like him. He started there as an intern after his junior year of college. They know him quite well and they truly seem to care about their employees. Perhaps it’s because they’re based in Sweden, where people’s happiness actually matters to employers.

I’m proud of my kids! There. I said it. I find it super annoying when people brag about their adult children on Facebook, but hey—it’s my blog and I’ll brag if I want to 😉

My son’s company sends all employees to Sweden for orientation during their first year. Now I want to go to Sweden!

GenX Grandma

~ MaryG ~ 16 Comments
Someone conked out listening to GenX hits and shaking her maraca 🪇

Playlist:

When you were Mine – Prince

Alison – Elvis Costello & The Attractions

These are Days – 10,000 Maniacs

My Life – Billy Joel

REM – (forgot which song)

The Cars – (forgot which song)

Pearl Jam – Better Man

In Your Eyes – Peter Gabriel

Go Your Own Way – Fleetwood Mac

These are songs Alexa plays for you when you start by asking for a Prince song you like to dance to.

Any other GenX Grandparents out there? What songs/bands are you gonna make sure your grandkids hear?

Beatles (obviously)

What else??

Some good things…

~ MaryG ~ 22 Comments

I’m still getting over the high drama of last week which was a major paradigm shift in my family of origin, although it harkens back to something I recently reflected on as part of a Thursday Doors post (of all things).

I went to online guided meditation on Friday and it did help calm me, as I had hoped. I keep thinking of the last thing my minister said as she led us into our breathing:

“A present moment is a happy moment.”

It’s a great sentence to return you to your inhale. And then I find I just sort of naturally smile a bit on the exhale when I think of that sentence. It’s been helpful this week.

And then that same minister gave a great sermon on Sunday entitled “Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?” She is so smart and funny and very GenX in all her cultural references. I love Rev Lara! Her sermon starts at minute 26:30 in this video, if you want to check it out.

I felt so grateful to be in my church community on Sunday.

The other MAJOR good thing is that my husband really seems to have turned the corner in his knee replacement recovery. It’s been SEVEN long weeks, but he can actually walk around Costco with me now. We’ve been out to movies and restaurants a few times. He still keeps the knee elevated and on ice a LOT, but needs the pain drugs way less. (Sadly, he needs to have the other knee replaced in March, but at least he’ll know what he’s getting into next time.)

Another good thing is that we had a fun family Zoom with my husband’s side of the family on Sunday, with three new additions on the screen (my granddaughter and two other toddlers). My in-laws are a very good group overall. By no means perfect, but a solid family. No MAGA. No Trumpers. We’re spread all the way down the East Coast from Boston to NYC to DC to Orlando, so we don’t get to see each other much, but they are THERE and I’m grateful.

Also, I get to see BOTH my son and my daughter and my granddaughter this week…AND possibly all of us together on Saturday for a trip to the Aquarium, which would be a Grandma dream come true. 🤞🏼

I’m so grateful for my husband, my son, my daughter and her family, my in-laws, and my church family.

AND I’m also extremely grateful for the support from my WordPressBlog Community. I really can feel it, which is wild. Stephanie, May, CJ, Edward, Andrea, Liz, Shelly & MyGenExerLife and anyone who sent me silent good vibes—thank you 🫶