Grandparenting

Moral dissonance

~ MaryG ~ 31 Comments

What is one way you have grown this year?

I’ve grown physically fatter this year. I’m not saying I’m fat, but I’m not thin.

The year started out with a very upsetting situation caused by my family of origin. I lost weight over it. Some people might call that the upside (I wouldn’t), but I didn’t mind being down five pounds.

Now it’s all back – and a little more.

I’ve thought about trying those new weight loss drugs, but I hear they take away your appetite and that doesn’t appeal to me at all. I love food, especially dessert.

So, I’m trying to cut back on portion size and eat more salads. I’ve also been swimming laps almost every day, now that the outdoor pool is open for the season.

I always feel guilty complaining about eating too much when hundreds of millions of people, including tens of millions of children, around the world don’t have enough food.

What’s the name for that feeling?

Food guilt…privilege guilt…moral dissonance?

If you don’t have young kids or grandkids, you might not know Miss Rachel. Rachel Griffin Accurso is a wildly popular American educator and YouTube creator whose gentle, research-based songs and videos teach toddlers language, social skills, and emotional development. Miss Rachel uses her massive platform to speak out against child hunger and mistreatment, including in Gaza, Sudan and US immigrant detention centers.

Follow her on social media: @msrachelforlittles (Instagram)

She is one of the good ones.

Passionate about me

~ MaryG ~ 29 Comments

What are you passionate about?

I’m still celebrating my own birthday (which was last Tuesday), even though everyone else is over it.

On my actual birthday the weather was spectacular. My son met us at a new-to-me restaurant with a great waterside location. That’s obviously the parking lot side behind us in the picture, but we were looking out onto a lovely lake.
Turnpike Market in Billerica, MA has been nearby for years with this nice view and I had no idea.

The food was good too!

I like when a restaurant knows it’s my birthday, so my husband told them. They didn’t sing to me, but I did get to meet the owner and they sent out a lovely tiramisu for dessert.

Birthday flowers from my very thoughtful son

On Thursday, I got to see my daughter and my granddaughter. Yay!

Loved this gift so much!
And this ❤️

“Birthday week” continued last night with the opening of the new Steven Spielberg movie Disclosure Day. I got a delicious “Passion Star Martini” and fried dumplings beforehand.

Passion Star Martini: Tito’s Handmade Vodka, Licor 43, passion fruit liqueur, mango infused syrup, lime, sparkling wine float

Today I’m making my husband go to a downtown Boston art museum with me.

After that, I don’t think I’ll be able to play the birthday card again until next year.

Baby Beluga

~ MaryG ~ 20 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What’s a song that always puts you in a good mood?
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One of the great joys of being a grandma is singing with my granddaughter. And she can really carry a tune at age ONE, which is amazing to me. It turns out she likes a lot of the same songs her mother did thirty years ago. The all-time favorite is Baby Beluga by Raffi. This song will always make me smile.

From Claude:

Raffi Cavoukian, known simply as Raffi, is one of the most beloved children’s musicians of all time. Born in Egypt in 1948 and raised in Canada, he transformed children’s music with his 1976 debut album Singable Songs for the Very Young and went on to create iconic songs like “Baby Beluga,” “Banana Phone,” and “Shake My Sillies Out.” What set him apart was his genuine respect for young audiences — his music was engaging and wholesome without ever being condescending. Generations of children have grown up with his songs, and beyond music, he has been a dedicated advocate for child welfare and environmental stewardship.

I can accompany some nursery rhymes—like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star—on toy piano.

You Gotta Have Art

~ MaryG ~ 19 Comments

In the spirit of trying new things in this new phase of my life (aka Retired Grandma), I performed a full length solo song in a “Café Musicale” fundraiser at my church last night. It was set up like a cabaret with lots of round tables and a decorated central buffet with desserts & apps and twinkling lights and candles. There was a variety of acts, including a couple of bands, duos, trios and two other soloists (one of whom was a professional).

I sang Anthem from the 80s musical Chess. In the show it’s sung by a Soviet chess player who is thinking of defecting. When I heard it recently, it resonated with me in a new way given all that Americans are experiencing with a wannabe dictator in office. I had a fantastic professional accompanist on piano.

I think it went well. I wasn’t overly nervous and I got warm applause and some very heartfelt comments afterwards.

So, as my 60th year is about to wrap up next week, I can truthfully say I’ve already tried some new things in this new decade.

I took watercolor classes and started painting again, successfully performed a solo for a room full of people, and registered for week long Dance Camp.

Oh, and as an update on that art show (where I was disappointed that my painting was hung so high), I found out last night that it was moved and placed at eye level. The organizers apologized for where it was hung originally and said it was one of their favorite pieces in the show! It’s going to travel with the rest of the pieces to a real art museum in October.

Proof of performance. I’m not a professional singer so I’m not going to upload the video of me singing, but it’s a very moving song. You can listen to “Anthem” from the Original 1988 Broadway Cast Album here. The show was recently revived and is currently playing on Broadway.

Undoubtedly the best thing about being 60 has been spending time with my granddaughter. The second best thing has been engaging more in my foundational love of the arts. Painting, singing, dancing and writing this blog have all been so fun and important to me this past year.

As GenXers will remember the old public service announcement: You Gotta Have Art!

Semiquincentennial

~ MaryG ~ 10 Comments
Daily writing prompt
Go on a walk today and share a photo of something that catches your eye.
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This is the only American flag of any kind that I saw on my walk today, which is weird.

This was near the mailbox of a house that gives MAGA vibes.

I feel like Trump has ruined the nation’s big 250th birthday celebration. Nobody around here is in the mood. Between the fascist arch, the 1.8B slush fund for insurrectionists, skyrocketing fuel & healthcare prices, and the horrific reports from inside the immigrant detention centers, it’s hard to get hyped for the big party.

Related post:

Memories of the Bicentennial

Giant Bubbles & Working Knees

~ MaryG ~ 21 Comments

Further proof for my knee-replacement-considering friends that my husband is truly bouncing back. He made giant bubbles with our granddaughter last Thursday—so ten weeks post op. It was a long damn ten weeks.

You can see that left knee is still a bit swollen and red, but hey…if he can do stuff like this, it’s WAAAY better.
The 6-month post-op right knee looks almost totally normal now except the scar, which isn’t too bad. The knee does “click” a bit when he walks, which is freaky but normal, according to the doctors.

He’s still not completely off the pain meds, but they’ve been put away in a drawer and I think he’ll be able to stop taking them soon. They substituted Tramadol for Oxy and he takes one only at night now. One of the tips he gives others for TKR recovery is to just take the opioids. It’s so damn painful post-op that you will not be able to do your physical therapy without them. And PT is KEY to ending up with a good working knee. And my further tip is to make friends with cannabis. That’s gonna help you need less of the hard stuff.

If you don’t live in a Recreational Weed State, then get your medical license. It’s pretty simple to do in most states. If you live in Idaho, Kansas, Nebraska or Wisconsin, then bummer for you. WTF with those states!

And yes, my granddaughter is completely adorable. She’s even cuter from the front but since my blog is public, I don’t post pics of her face.

GIANT bubbles are cool and honestly, so is my husband. Hate to admit it, but it’s true. (I always wanted to be the cool one.) There were many times when I wished I’d married more of a goody-two-shoes/nerd, but hey….we stuck it out and now we get to be grandparents together. 😊
He chooses to be called NONNO, like my late father-in-law. (That’s Italian for grandfather.) But I did not want to be called Nonna (that’s for old ladies in support hose), so I’m just a good old American GRANDMA 👵

Support parents

~ MaryG ~ 12 Comments
Daily writing prompt
If you had an unlimited budget for 24 hours, what would you do?
View all responses

If I had an unlimited budget for 24 hours, I would use it to help support young parents.

We’re making things very hard on all young people these days, but especially on those who are brave, selfless and optimistic enough to bring forth the next generation. They deserve all the love and support we can muster. As a grandmother, I feel this is my #1 job in life.

If I could, I would pay off my daughter’s mortgage, buy her family a new car, and fully fund a college account for my granddaughter. And if I could figure out how to do it, I would help out all the other hardworking and responsible young parents out there who could really use a boost.

All photos by Melissa Briggs Photography.

My granddaughter and me
Bubbles are a favorite activity for one-year olds.
Imagine when everything in the world was new to you.
Hi Mommy!
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Supporting parents over non-parents?

~ MaryG ~ 24 Comments

Sharing financial resources is a zero sum game. Someone’s gain or increase is going to be someone else’s loss.

Do you think parents of adult children have an obligation to financially help the ones with children of their own more than the ones who do not have kids? Or do you think parents should always maintain total equality in the ways they divvy up their support to adult children?

I have been on one end of this dilemma for over 30 years. I’m the one who stayed married and raised a family. My sibling had a lavish wedding (in two locales), but quickly divorced and had no kids. She never found a career she enjoys and is frequently unemployed, despite being very highly educated.

Now I am temporarily (hopefully) on the other end of it. My son currently only has himself to take care of and my daughter is building her family.

Hypothetically, if you had 10K to share at Christmas, would you give each one 5K? Or would you take into account the selflessness and outrageously high cost of raising a child through college and tip the scale towards the parent?

I think maybe you can tell which way I lean, but I know that there are strong counter arguments.

If you’re childless and found out your parents gave your sibling more money than you in their estate plans, how would you feel? Would you feel as if they didn’t value your life as much as theirs? Or would you understand that grandchildren were factored in?

What about an opposite situation, where parents support a single, childless adult daughter more than another one who had the benefit of a husband’s income? Do singles deserve more support than those who married and raised children?

Curious for your thoughts.

“We Don’t Want Kids”

~ MaryG ~ 16 Comments

Veering into dangerous, personal, none-of-my-business territory here…

I know very well how difficult life is for young people these days. Truly unaffordable for many—especially those with debt. Combined with global warming, gun violence, rising authoritarianism, and a million other things, there are many excellent reasons to not procreate. I get it.

Also, some are not blessed with good enough health and/or a supportive partner in the child bearing years—two excellent reasons to remain childless.

BUT, I will say (and did say to my nephew and his fiancé), life is short, but it can also be looooong. You might live to be 90+ like my parents. That’s 50 years beyond 40! That’s a long damn time to not have children, and therefore grandchildren, and even great grandchildren.

My nephew’s response was that you can’t have “just one baby,” so therefore they aren’t going to have any kids. This rationale is misguided in my opinion. I think only children are wonderful. Many GenXers had just one child and they’re great. Three-person families are fantastic. My book group was comprised of all women with just one awesome daughter (until I changed my mind and had a second child later in life). I love my son beyond words, but if I’d never had him, we’d be a happy family regardless. No sibling rivalry or fights and more disposable income. We probably would’ve taken a friend on vacation with us, so my daughter would’ve always had someone to play with.

And let’s face it, adult siblings are a mixed bag. Some get along. Many do not. And things can get complicated when parents get old and die, if the siblings are not on the same page. In some ways, one supportive, well-adjusted adult child is better than two or more who do not get along.

So yes, you CAN have just one child. And if you choose to remain childless, that’s fine. We love you still. But please do not compare your dog (or cat or goldfish) to our kids and grandkids. It’s really not the same. Like…at all.

Sign of Spring

~ MaryG ~ 9 Comments

Spring is springing here in Greater Boston. Hallelujah!

I took a shot at drawing and painting these purple crocuses in my neighborhood.
I tried a bunch of different techniques and colors. Some worked. Some didn’t.

I’m realizing now you really just have to paint a lot to truly improve. Watercolors require a great deal of trial and error. And now that good weather has returned, I’m not sure how much I’ll keep painting outside of the class I’m taking.

Honestly, I’m still not sure what my life is actually going to look like longterm in retirement. We are still in a transitional period. My husband’s knee surgeries have been such a huge feature of the past year. We don’t know how much he’ll continue to work once he’s fully recovered.

I feel like my retirement travel budget is not going to be as significant as I had hoped (thanks Trump) but who knows…maybe we’ll become road trip people.

I’m trying to focus on Good Things today:

  1. It’s 73 degrees F and sunny here 😎
  2. I have a screen porch, which I just cleaned.
  3. Hungary dumped Trump & Putin’s buddy Viktor Orbán.
  4. I get to see my cutie 🥰 tomorrow.
  5. Dessert – last night I had the genius idea to sprinkle flaked coconut on two Salted Caramel Mochi from Trader Joe’s. So good.