Grandmother stuff

~ MaryG

Exciting news! A question has been answered:

And the answer is:

Yup, that’s right. I’m going to have another granddaughter and I’m thrilled.

There’s a new show on Apple TV called Margo’s Got Money Troubles and it’s really got me thinking about grandparents and the many different ways people inhabit that role.

We tend to think of grandmas as kindly, white-haired ladies that bake stuff and give you socks for Christmas. That’s pretty much how I think of my grandmothers. Both were widows for decades after their husbands died. (I never knew a grandfather) and both were wonderful, but very typical grandmothers to me and my sister. Interestingly, both played a very different role for my cousins (two sets of cousins on opposite sides of the family). One set of cousins lost their mother to breast cancer when they were tiny, so my grandmother (my mother’s mother) became their second parent. She moved in with them, cooked for them, taught them to read, etc. And my father’s mother did the same thing, but for a different reason. In that case, it was because my aunt and uncle worked 24/7 at their grocery store. It was a family business that required them to be gone all day long, so my grandmother did all their cooking, cleaning and childcare until my cousins were grown.

So, one woman can be two different “types” of grandmother, depending on the circumstances of her adult children.

In the show, Michelle Pfeiffer (age 68, but looks younger) becomes a grandmother unexpectedly after her daughter (played by Elle Fanning, age 28) gets pregnant accidentally in college—via her lit professor—and decides to keep the baby. Michelle Pfieffer’s character has been a single mom and Hooters waitress who had hoped her daughter would have a better life. She’s about as far as you can get from the white-haired, baking stereotypical Grandma.

There are other great characters of my generation in this show. Nick Offerman (age 56) plays Elle Fanning’s biological father, who was not around at all while she was growing up, but appears on the scene straight out of rehab. He’s a former pro wrestler who may or may not have been Michelle Pfeiffer’s one true love. He needs a place to stay and ends up moving in with his daughter and helps care for his grandson, while his daughter tries to make some money for them to live on. (Enter “Only Fans”) Offerman is SO good in this unique role. I’ve really never seen a grandfather presented in this way.

And then there’s Greg Kinnear (age 63). He plays the guy Michelle Pfeiffer is planning to marry. He’s a stable, kind, quiet churchgoer who devoted his entire life to his parents, until they died. Michelle Pfeiffer is his first girlfriend – ever. Kinnear is also terrific in his role. He turns what could have been a silly joke of a man (a Mamma’s Boy extraordinaire) into someone understated and complex. I’m actually really rooting for him too.

In any case, there are many different ways people become grandparents and fulfill the role. I really had no idea how I would fulfill the role before my granddaughter was born. How much would I be needed? Or wanted?

One online resource I wish I’d discovered earlier is: More Than Grand. (Yes, they are trying to selling you some products, but the advice delivered through their social media posts and blog is very solid and helpful.)

Finally, if you’re not following Red’s Wrap here on WordPress, you’re missing out on a fantastic writer. Jan is a REAL writer (unlike me). She will touch your heart in a way similar to great talents like Anne Lamott. Tragically, Jan lost an adult daughter to a heart defect recently and is now caring for a 4-year old granddaughter in her late 70s.

So many different ways women are fulfilling the role…

27 thoughts on “Grandmother stuff”

  1. Like you, that was how I viewed Grandma’s too, until later when watching films later on life have me different perspectives.

    I only knew one Grandma. That Grandma (Dad’s mother) died when I was very young. So, I only have a few memories. I didn’t know the other Grandma or Grandad’s on either side of the family as they already died before I existed.

    An auntie (not by blood auntie) but still a family member in the family tree (distance), she had the looks of a Grandma that I would traditionally expect of a Grandma when I was a child. I called her auntie. And she was more of an auntie to me than most aunties by blood who did not exist in my eyes with hardly ever seeing them. She spoiled any child; me, her grandkids. Anyone. She loved and lived for children. I would hear her stories of her long walks taking children in their pushchairs on long walks when she was able to walk like that. Children lot her up. I was there very often. And Sundays, she told me to come on Sundays. We would have ice-cream and strawberries. 😊

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    1. Thank you so much meemaw! It sounds like you did an amazing job with your own daughters. Grandmothers like us are even more important now with the way the “manosphere” misogynists have been normalized. I joined a group on Facebook called “Grantifa” (grandparents against fascism) 💪🏼

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  4. Because both my parents were older when I was born I have no memory of grandparents. The only living grand I had died when I was 3. They say you don’t miss what you never had but it’s always seemed a special relationship… and I think I do miss that.
    💕

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    1. Oh, I’m sorry for that. I felt the same way about never meeting either of my grandfathers. Grandfathers on TV were either total grouches like Archie Bunker or fun and kindly like Grandpa Joe in Willy Wonka. I always wondered what mine would’ve been like.

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  5. I have a tiny disagreement with you. 😉 You said Jan is a REAL writer (unlike you), but my friend, you are a writer. A very good one. The way you tell stories, connect ideas, and make us think about ordinary parts of life is exactly what writers do.

    I really loved this post, too. It made me think about how there isn’t just one way to be a grandmother.

    Congratulations on your new granddaughter! What lucky little girls to have you.

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    1. Thank you Kari. I appreciate that! I feel like I’m just sort of blurting out whatever’s on my mind that day. Jan really has the craft of writing down. She does remind me of Anne Lamott. Do you like Anne Lamott? I feel like you would!

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  8. CONGRATULATIONS, Mary!! ❤ ❤ ❤

    Also, Jan is a real gem, and her granddaughter is fortunate for her presence. What a beautiful way to wrap up (wink) this surprisingly poignant post.

    Guess I am going to subscribe to Apple TV earlier than I expected (thought I'd wait for the next Severance season) because Michele Pfeiffer is my longtime girl crush and Greg Kinnear is a great actor we don't see enough of!

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    1. Thank you Stephanie. ❤️ Now, we wait…daughter feeling great so far.

      I hadn’t seen Michele in years, so it’s great seeing her in Margo. Offerman is so good too. And Fanning. And now, Nicole Kidman has showed up in a small but glamorous (of course!) role. (So far, she hasn’t detracted.)
      Kinnear is mesmerizing as this sweet, churchy guy.

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  9. I have friends who are grandmothers and tbh I feel the role has changed substantially since I was a child. I didn’t really have any grandparents as a child but saw a grandmother very much as you describe “ a little old lady with grey hair knitting and making jam”.

    These days more seems to be demanded of grandparents, everyone I know is providing childcare to their grandchildren whether they love it or not because their children cannot afford to be without a job. They both need to work to cover the bills.
    I think I always thought I’d be a grandmother one day but alas I don’t think it will happen for me 😢

    Congratulations Mary 🎊

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    1. It’s not easy for young families these days, but my daughter and her husband are managing pretty well. I’m there about one day/week. My daughter developed her own business online, so she’s able to work from home on her own schedule. I feel very grateful to have a grandchild in my life.

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