Parenting

Moral dissonance

~ MaryG ~ 30 Comments

What is one way you have grown this year?

I’ve grown physically fatter this year. I’m not saying I’m fat, but I’m not thin.

The year started out with a very upsetting situation caused by my family of origin. I lost weight over it. Some people might call that the upside (I wouldn’t), but I didn’t mind being down five pounds.

Now it’s all back – and a little more.

I’ve thought about trying those new weight loss drugs, but I hear they take away your appetite and that doesn’t appeal to me at all. I love food, especially dessert.

So, I’m trying to cut back on portion size and eat more salads. I’ve also been swimming laps almost every day, now that the outdoor pool is open for the season.

I always feel guilty complaining about eating too much when hundreds of millions of people, including tens of millions of children, around the world don’t have enough food.

What’s the name for that feeling?

Food guilt…privilege guilt…moral dissonance?

If you don’t have young kids or grandkids, you might not know Miss Rachel. Rachel Griffin Accurso is a wildly popular American educator and YouTube creator whose gentle, research-based songs and videos teach toddlers language, social skills, and emotional development. Miss Rachel uses her massive platform to speak out against child hunger and mistreatment, including in Gaza, Sudan and US immigrant detention centers.

Follow her on social media: @msrachelforlittles (Instagram)

She is one of the good ones.

Baby Beluga

~ MaryG ~ 20 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What’s a song that always puts you in a good mood?
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One of the great joys of being a grandma is singing with my granddaughter. And she can really carry a tune at age ONE, which is amazing to me. It turns out she likes a lot of the same songs her mother did thirty years ago. The all-time favorite is Baby Beluga by Raffi. This song will always make me smile.

From Claude:

Raffi Cavoukian, known simply as Raffi, is one of the most beloved children’s musicians of all time. Born in Egypt in 1948 and raised in Canada, he transformed children’s music with his 1976 debut album Singable Songs for the Very Young and went on to create iconic songs like “Baby Beluga,” “Banana Phone,” and “Shake My Sillies Out.” What set him apart was his genuine respect for young audiences — his music was engaging and wholesome without ever being condescending. Generations of children have grown up with his songs, and beyond music, he has been a dedicated advocate for child welfare and environmental stewardship.

I can accompany some nursery rhymes—like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star—on toy piano.

Semiquincentennial

~ MaryG ~ 10 Comments
Daily writing prompt
Go on a walk today and share a photo of something that catches your eye.
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This is the only American flag of any kind that I saw on my walk today, which is weird.

This was near the mailbox of a house that gives MAGA vibes.

I feel like Trump has ruined the nation’s big 250th birthday celebration. Nobody around here is in the mood. Between the fascist arch, the 1.8B slush fund for insurrectionists, skyrocketing fuel & healthcare prices, and the horrific reports from inside the immigrant detention centers, it’s hard to get hyped for the big party.

Related post:

Memories of the Bicentennial

Support parents

~ MaryG ~ 12 Comments
Daily writing prompt
If you had an unlimited budget for 24 hours, what would you do?
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If I had an unlimited budget for 24 hours, I would use it to help support young parents.

We’re making things very hard on all young people these days, but especially on those who are brave, selfless and optimistic enough to bring forth the next generation. They deserve all the love and support we can muster. As a grandmother, I feel this is my #1 job in life.

If I could, I would pay off my daughter’s mortgage, buy her family a new car, and fully fund a college account for my granddaughter. And if I could figure out how to do it, I would help out all the other hardworking and responsible young parents out there who could really use a boost.

All photos by Melissa Briggs Photography.

My granddaughter and me
Bubbles are a favorite activity for one-year olds.
Imagine when everything in the world was new to you.
Hi Mommy!
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Progress

~ MaryG ~ 24 Comments

Despite continued pain and swelling, my husband is attempting to get on with his life after two total knee replacements, the second of which took place on March 16.

Gardening is something he always liked and is good at. I’m very pro-gardening for him. I think it’s healthy and without the excessive strain and physical danger of his other hobby: powerlifting. (It’s like, you have two artificial knees dude…would you just not.) But as most people in longterm marriages know, you cannot control the other person. They’re gonna do what they’re gonna do and you gotta decide if the good outweighs the bad. (You’re free to go, if you’re not into it.)

Therefore, I’m happy to report he planted a bunch of dahlia bulbs, trimmed some shrubs, planted my spur-of-the-moment purchase of a lovely lupine in bloom, bought some clones from the dispensary, and potted up two of them as gifts for our kids. This represents a small but significant return to gardening. Yay!

My new lupine, expertly planted by my husband who got his BS in Botany.
We bought 3 types of clones at our local dispensary’s big plant sale: The Hive (Honey Banana X Papaya), Terpgasm (Sin n Juice X Udder Madness), Tail Dragger (Alligator Wine X Pearl Cadillac)

Don’t you just love the names of weed strains 🤣

Q: Why are weed plants called clones?

A: Weed plants are called “clones” because they are literally exact genetic replicas of a parent plant (called a “mother plant”). Instead of using seeds, growers cut a branch off a thriving plant and encourage it to grow its own roots. 

_______________________

UPDATE: photos of my husband kneeling for my friends considering arthroplasty

Right knee was replaced November 24, 2025
Left knee was replaced March 16, 2026
He says it feels weird to kneel but doesn’t hurt.

Supporting parents over non-parents?

~ MaryG ~ 24 Comments

Sharing financial resources is a zero sum game. Someone’s gain or increase is going to be someone else’s loss.

Do you think parents of adult children have an obligation to financially help the ones with children of their own more than the ones who do not have kids? Or do you think parents should always maintain total equality in the ways they divvy up their support to adult children?

I have been on one end of this dilemma for over 30 years. I’m the one who stayed married and raised a family. My sibling had a lavish wedding (in two locales), but quickly divorced and had no kids. She never found a career she enjoys and is frequently unemployed, despite being very highly educated.

Now I am temporarily (hopefully) on the other end of it. My son currently only has himself to take care of and my daughter is building her family.

Hypothetically, if you had 10K to share at Christmas, would you give each one 5K? Or would you take into account the selflessness and outrageously high cost of raising a child through college and tip the scale towards the parent?

I think maybe you can tell which way I lean, but I know that there are strong counter arguments.

If you’re childless and found out your parents gave your sibling more money than you in their estate plans, how would you feel? Would you feel as if they didn’t value your life as much as theirs? Or would you understand that grandchildren were factored in?

What about an opposite situation, where parents support a single, childless adult daughter more than another one who had the benefit of a husband’s income? Do singles deserve more support than those who married and raised children?

Curious for your thoughts.

N/A

~ MaryG ~ 16 Comments

How do you balance work and home life?

This prompt is N/A (not applicable) to a retired person.

Sometimes I have to wrack my brain to remember what day of the week it is, when I wake up in the morning. As other retirees know well, you want to take advantage of weekdays to do stuff like grocery shopping, when other people are busy at work. I had to learn this lesson the hard way over the past year. I messed-up several times. I specifically remember fighting for a parking spot at Costco in tax-free Nashua on a busy Saturday last year when the lightbulb went on: Why on earth would anyone go to Costco on a weekend unless they had to?

Back when I was working and raising children, work-life balance wasn’t a huge problem for me. I mostly worked as a part-time consultant/contractor, except at the very end of my career when I went full-time. I liked my job a lot and was happy to leave suburbia and go to the city a couple times a week. I especially liked going out to lunch with my work friends, most of whom had no children. It was great to talk about non-mom things with other adults. They couldn’t have cared less about the outcome of travel soccer try-outs or which kids were recommended for Honors Math.

One of the biggest issues for me back then was traffic. Getting back to the suburbs from my Boston office could take over 2 hours on a bad day. It was hell. I got involved in several road rage incidents. I was sometimes late to pick-up my son at his afterschool program.

In conclusion, if the powers that be want to help people have work-life balance they should fix traffic. And retirees should stay the heck out of the way and do their errands at 11am on Wednesday.

The 10 US Cities With the Worst Traffic:
1. New York
2. Chicago
3. Los Angeles
4. BOSTON
5. Philadelphia
6. Miami
7. Houston
8. Atlanta
9. Washington
10. Seattle

“We Don’t Want Kids”

~ MaryG ~ 16 Comments

Veering into dangerous, personal, none-of-my-business territory here…

I know very well how difficult life is for young people these days. Truly unaffordable for many—especially those with debt. Combined with global warming, gun violence, rising authoritarianism, and a million other things, there are many excellent reasons to not procreate. I get it.

Also, some are not blessed with good enough health and/or a supportive partner in the child bearing years—two excellent reasons to remain childless.

BUT, I will say (and did say to my nephew and his fiancé), life is short, but it can also be looooong. You might live to be 90+ like my parents. That’s 50 years beyond 40! That’s a long damn time to not have children, and therefore grandchildren, and even great grandchildren.

My nephew’s response was that you can’t have “just one baby,” so therefore they aren’t going to have any kids. This rationale is misguided in my opinion. I think only children are wonderful. Many GenXers had just one child and they’re great. Three-person families are fantastic. My book group was comprised of all women with just one awesome daughter (until I changed my mind and had a second child later in life). I love my son beyond words, but if I’d never had him, we’d be a happy family regardless. No sibling rivalry or fights and more disposable income. We probably would’ve taken a friend on vacation with us, so my daughter would’ve always had someone to play with.

And let’s face it, adult siblings are a mixed bag. Some get along. Many do not. And things can get complicated when parents get old and die, if the siblings are not on the same page. In some ways, one supportive, well-adjusted adult child is better than two or more who do not get along.

So yes, you CAN have just one child. And if you choose to remain childless, that’s fine. We love you still. But please do not compare your dog (or cat or goldfish) to our kids and grandkids. It’s really not the same. Like…at all.

Kids must leave

~ MaryG ~ 13 Comments

My son has been out of the house for a year now. He moved into his first apartment with friends, this time last year. Because he did a year of “pre-first” grade, he was 19 years old when he graduated high school, 23 when he graduated college, and 24 when he moved out on his own. I thought that was late, but many of his friends were still living at home. (“Saving money” was the usual reason.)

I gave both of my kids a nudge out the door. Not that I wasn’t going to miss them, but I just feel like you can’t fully become an adult, until you live out in the world on your own. To be clear, I did not want my kids to move to a different state. I wanted them nearby, but independent (with roommates their own age).

Being in your twenties is fun, but it’s also hard. A lot gets decided then. Career choices, romantic partnerships, work-life balance, health/fitness habits, etc. Once I left my parents’ house at age 22, I never moved back in. If I had needed to, I could have, but I’m glad I never did. In addition to independence, I think it gives people motivation. You don’t really know what you value and want most in life until you’re paying all your own bills.

I recently helped my son get a primary care doctor and he actually went to see her for a check-up. His dentist’s office bugs him to get his teeth cleaned every six months, so that’s off my list. He filed his state & federal tax returns on his own (motivated entirely by a potential refund – which he got)

I think if they can possibly afford to live on their own, give them the boot (in a nice way).

My son hit the road to the big city on April 1, 2025. First Major Adulting Hurdle: renting, driving, and parking a UHaul in Boston. ✅

Good news

~ MaryG ~ 20 Comments

Two good things have happened in my family recently. My daughter’s partner is now my official son-in-law. They tied the knot on their own at the Town Hall. I’m a little bit disappointed that I wasn’t there, but hey, at least I got a picture. My son-in-law is a good and kind person and a wonderful Girl Dad to my granddaughter. He’s also tall and good looking (never hurts).

Let’s face it, weddings are fun, but some young people and their parents spend (waste?) ridiculous amounts of money on them. Personally, I was a lifelong believer in the Princess Bride fantasy and had a traditional wedding (paid for by my parents). I think I’ve cracked open our wedding album about three times in 33 years. And I’ve never watched my wedding video. So the fact that my daughter totally skipped out on feeding “the wedding-industrial conplex” (as my friend calls the wedding biz) is OK by me.

The other good thing is that my son landed a new, better job within his company. And the really good news is that he doesn’t have to move out of state to take it! I really like his company and they seem to really like him. He started there as an intern after his junior year of college. They know him quite well and they truly seem to care about their employees. Perhaps it’s because they’re based in Sweden, where people’s happiness actually matters to employers.

I’m proud of my kids! There. I said it. I find it super annoying when people brag about their adult children on Facebook, but hey—it’s my blog and I’ll brag if I want to 😉

My son’s company sends all employees to Sweden for orientation during their first year. Now I want to go to Sweden!