Parenting

“We Don’t Want Kids”

~ MaryG ~ 16 Comments

Veering into dangerous, personal, none-of-my-business territory here…

I know very well how difficult life is for young people these days. Truly unaffordable for many—especially those with debt. Combined with global warming, gun violence, rising authoritarianism, and a million other things, there are many excellent reasons to not procreate. I get it.

Also, some are not blessed with good enough health and/or a supportive partner in the child bearing years—two excellent reasons to remain childless.

BUT, I will say (and did say to my nephew and his fiancé), life is short, but it can also be looooong. You might live to be 90+ like my parents. That’s 50 years beyond 40! That’s a long damn time to not have children, and therefore grandchildren, and even great grandchildren.

My nephew’s response was that you can’t have “just one baby,” so therefore they aren’t going to have any kids. This rationale is misguided in my opinion. I think only children are wonderful. Many GenXers had just one child and they’re great. Three-person families are fantastic. My book group was comprised of all women with just one awesome daughter (until I changed my mind and had a second child later in life). I love my son beyond words, but if I’d never had him, we’d be a happy family regardless. No sibling rivalry or fights and more disposable income. We probably would’ve taken a friend on vacation with us, so my daughter would’ve always had someone to play with.

And let’s face it, adult siblings are a mixed bag. Some get along. Many do not. And things can get complicated when parents get old and die, if the siblings are not on the same page. In some ways, one supportive, well-adjusted adult child is better than two or more who do not get along.

So yes, you CAN have just one child. And if you choose to remain childless, that’s fine. We love you still. But please do not compare your dog (or cat or goldfish) to our kids and grandkids. It’s really not the same. Like…at all.

Kids must leave

~ MaryG ~ 13 Comments

My son has been out of the house for a year now. He moved into his first apartment with friends, this time last year. Because he did a year of “pre-first” grade, he was 19 years old when he graduated high school, 23 when he graduated college, and 24 when he moved out on his own. I thought that was late, but many of his friends were still living at home. (“Saving money” was the usual reason.)

I gave both of my kids a nudge out the door. Not that I wasn’t going to miss them, but I just feel like you can’t fully become an adult, until you live out in the world on your own. To be clear, I did not want my kids to move to a different state. I wanted them nearby, but independent (with roommates their own age).

Being in your twenties is fun, but it’s also hard. A lot gets decided then. Career choices, romantic partnerships, work-life balance, health/fitness habits, etc. Once I left my parents’ house at age 22, I never moved back in. If I had needed to, I could have, but I’m glad I never did. In addition to independence, I think it gives people motivation. You don’t really know what you value and want most in life until you’re paying all your own bills.

I recently helped my son get a primary care doctor and he actually went to see her for a check-up. His dentist’s office bugs him to get his teeth cleaned every six months, so that’s off my list. He filed his state & federal tax returns on his own (motivated entirely by a potential refund – which he got)

I think if they can possibly afford to live on their own, give them the boot (in a nice way).

My son hit the road to the big city on April 1, 2025. First Major Adulting Hurdle: renting, driving, and parking a UHaul in Boston. ✅

Good news

~ MaryG ~ 20 Comments

Two good things have happened in my family recently. My daughter’s partner is now my official son-in-law. They tied the knot on their own at the Town Hall. I’m a little bit disappointed that I wasn’t there, but hey, at least I got a picture. My son-in-law is a good and kind person and a wonderful Girl Dad to my granddaughter. He’s also tall and good looking (never hurts).

Let’s face it, weddings are fun, but some young people and their parents spend (waste?) ridiculous amounts of money on them. Personally, I was a lifelong believer in the Princess Bride fantasy and had a traditional wedding (paid for by my parents). I think I’ve cracked open our wedding album about three times in 33 years. And I’ve never watched my wedding video. So the fact that my daughter totally skipped out on feeding “the wedding-industrial conplex” (as my friend calls the wedding biz) is OK by me.

The other good thing is that my son landed a new, better job within his company. And the really good news is that he doesn’t have to move out of state to take it! I really like his company and they seem to really like him. He started there as an intern after his junior year of college. They know him quite well and they truly seem to care about their employees. Perhaps it’s because they’re based in Sweden, where people’s happiness actually matters to employers.

I’m proud of my kids! There. I said it. I find it super annoying when people brag about their adult children on Facebook, but hey—it’s my blog and I’ll brag if I want to 😉

My son’s company sends all employees to Sweden for orientation during their first year. Now I want to go to Sweden!

Thoughts on Super Bowl LX

~ MaryG ~ 14 Comments

Coincidentally, I’m LX too—same as the Super Bowl.

Last night was a bummer for Pats fans, but hey…nobody ever expected them to make it to the Super Bowl this year. It’s just too bad they were never really in the game. Husband disappointed, but not crushed.

On the bright side, Bad Bunny was awesome. I closed the activity ring on my Apple Watch dancing along. No, I didn’t understand most of the Spanish, but I liked the vibe. My favorite part was the ending where they came dancing straight towards the camera flying all the flags of the Americas.

“The only thing more powerful than hate is love” was the message on the screen above the flags.

It definitely felt like a big F U to Trump and ICE and all that they represent—white nationalism, hate, fear.

And apparently Trump took it like that.

It’s rich that a man who has been credibly accused of raping a 13-year old is complaining that salsa dancing is too “disgusting” for children to watch.

I took my family to Puerto Rico in 2016, because I really wanted to see it. We liked it a lot. Ahead of that trip, I tried to learn some Spanish with an online language learning program through my library. I gained a lot of words, but no real fluency. I did the same thing before a trip to Mexico.

Bad Bunny made me want to give it another shot at some point.

My kids and me on a street in San Juan in 2016
A very hot kitty resting in a tree trunk in Old San Juan in the summer of 2016
A stop on the way to El Yunque National Rainforest in Puerto Rico

Final thought: Brandi Carlile did a beautiful version of America the Beautiful—it would make a much better national anthem.

Thursday Doors—Manhattan apartment

~ MaryG ~ 14 Comments

Have you ever received a casual invitation that was likely not meant sincerely? You know, something like “you should come visit sometime”? Welp, I got one of those once and I decided to take the person up on it.

My husband’s cousin (an interior designer) and his husband (an investment firm VP) live in a very fancy Manhattan coop in Murray Hill. We saw them at a family gathering in Massachusetts in 2008 and they “encouraged” us to visit. Looking back now, I really don’t think they meant it. They were childless city folk and we had young kids.

Anyway, I reached out that summer because my friend and I wanted to go to NYC to see Legally Blonde on Broadway with our daughters and get this—they offered us their apartment for the weekend! They were going to be at their “country home” the weekend we were coming, but said we could stay in their city place by ourselves.

We couldn’t believe their place. First of all, it was HUGE. Second, it was decorated in the least kid-friendly way imaginable. There was glass everywhere, Nothing was left out on any surface, everything was completely smooth. There were sculptures (mostly of gorgeous male bodies) on pedestals that would have been deadly if knocked over.

It was actually comical. We were so afraid of breaking anything that we barely moved! At one point, I remember hunting for a coffee maker in their exquisite, smooth-surfaced kitchen (a note said it was in “the appliance garage”) but then just giving up and going out for coffee.

This interior hallway door gives you the vibe of the place—smooth, orderly and very adult.
The huge living room/dining room area
Sculptures on display
A bathroom
The girls sitting very carefully in the HUGE living room (remember this is in midtown Manhattan)
The smooth and baffling kitchen where I couldn’t figure out how to make coffee
Getting cast autographs after Legally Blonde
A fun weekend—and we left that apartment just as we found it. Nothing broken 😅

I realize I’m not using Dan’s Thursday’s Doors in the usual way. I search my photo file for “door” and some door pops up that prompts a memory.

Check out the other cool doors here or just search for posts tagged Thursday Doors.

Blizzards of yore

~ MaryG ~ 11 Comments

In case you haven’t heard, a major winter storm is coming—the likes of which we haven’t seen around here since 2022.

It’s currently 1 degree Fahrenheit and the grocery stores will be packed today with everyone trying to stock up before the snow starts tomorrow around noon. (At this point, I’m still planning to go to church tomorrow morning.) People in non-snow climates: the idea of being stuck inside with your loved ones for 24-48 hours tends to make people buy eggs, milk, bread and firewood like they’re going out of style.

A shared memory for GenXers from Massachusetts is the Bizzard of ‘78, when they cancelled school for like a whole week. It was awesome. People remember jumping off their roofs into huge snowbanks, bumper skiing (when you hold onto your friend’s bumper and they pull you down the snow covered street), and building giant holes and igloos which could’ve collapsed and suffocated their occupants at any moment. There were surprisingly few snow accidents, although one friend’s brother was very seriously injured by a plow that didn’t see him playing in a snow bank. Stay OUT OF THE WAY of the plows, people!

My doll and me tasting the snow in February 1969
The famous Blizzard of 1978 brought us like 4 feet of snow and no school for days on end.
In 1978, 7th graders were far too cool for snow pants, so we just wore jeans to play in the snow.
My son on a huge snowbank in APRIL 2005 – the “April Fools Day” storm
My kids shoveling out a car after Winter Storm Nemo (aka the Blizzard of 2013)
And the stairs
My son “swimming” in the snow in January 2015. He was determined to make it out to his basketball hoop after Hurricane Juno.
He made it

🌨️❄️☃️🥶

Some good things…

~ MaryG ~ 22 Comments

I’m still getting over the high drama of last week which was a major paradigm shift in my family of origin, although it harkens back to something I recently reflected on as part of a Thursday Doors post (of all things).

I went to online guided meditation on Friday and it did help calm me, as I had hoped. I keep thinking of the last thing my minister said as she led us into our breathing:

“A present moment is a happy moment.”

It’s a great sentence to return you to your inhale. And then I find I just sort of naturally smile a bit on the exhale when I think of that sentence. It’s been helpful this week.

And then that same minister gave a great sermon on Sunday entitled “Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?” She is so smart and funny and very GenX in all her cultural references. I love Rev Lara! Her sermon starts at minute 26:30 in this video, if you want to check it out.

I felt so grateful to be in my church community on Sunday.

The other MAJOR good thing is that my husband really seems to have turned the corner in his knee replacement recovery. It’s been SEVEN long weeks, but he can actually walk around Costco with me now. We’ve been out to movies and restaurants a few times. He still keeps the knee elevated and on ice a LOT, but needs the pain drugs way less. (Sadly, he needs to have the other knee replaced in March, but at least he’ll know what he’s getting into next time.)

Another good thing is that we had a fun family Zoom with my husband’s side of the family on Sunday, with three new additions on the screen (my granddaughter and two other toddlers). My in-laws are a very good group overall. By no means perfect, but a solid family. No MAGA. No Trumpers. We’re spread all the way down the East Coast from Boston to NYC to DC to Orlando, so we don’t get to see each other much, but they are THERE and I’m grateful.

Also, I get to see BOTH my son and my daughter and my granddaughter this week…AND possibly all of us together on Saturday for a trip to the Aquarium, which would be a Grandma dream come true. 🤞🏼

I’m so grateful for my husband, my son, my daughter and her family, my in-laws, and my church family.

AND I’m also extremely grateful for the support from my WordPressBlog Community. I really can feel it, which is wild. Stephanie, May, CJ, Edward, Andrea, Liz, Shelly & MyGenExerLife and anyone who sent me silent good vibes—thank you 🫶

12 Memories from 2025

~ MaryG ~ 15 Comments

OK, we’ve reached the last day of 2025. It was certainly not the year I had hoped for when I worked on the 2024 election. Let’s face it, a full year of Trump 2.0 has been devastating. Ain’t no way to sugarcoat that. And we’re only 25% done with the senile tangerine rapist’s second term.

But I’m going to look back on non-political memories of 2025 and post 12 photos (one from each month). I double-checked that these are all photos I haven’t previously posted. No more Ireland pics I promise!

January—We lit a fire in our fireplace and I made a truly top notch s’more.
February—a black and white butterfly in the Key West Nature Conservatory
March—a hauntingly beautiful self-portrait by Vincent Van Gogh at Boston’s Museum of Fine Arts. This one was painted around the time he was hospitalized for severe mental illness.
April—my driveway on April 12. This is the only major problem with Massachusetts…winter lasts forever.
May—a chilly and misty weekend in Portland, Maine with my dear friend Gail who turned 60 about a month before I did. Who knew cruise ships stopped in Portland?
June—For my birthday, my dear friend Susan took me on a “Karen Read” tour of our old hometown (Canton, MA), which was the epicenter of the Karen Read Murder Trial in 2025. Here she is in front of the infamous Waterfall Restaurant, where we had lunch. (IYKYK)
July—I went to a very elegant wedding in the Boston Public Library and my dress matched the library gates. It is hereafter known as “the wrought iron gate dress.”
August—my son, husband and me on a Boston Harbor cruise in late August. It was already getting chilly at night be then, but at least that meant I got to wear my new wool sweater from Ireland.
September—my granddaughter turned one that month. I love her and her wonderful mommy so much. 💕
October—Monthly flower arrangement from BloomsyBox
November—I went to a wonderful concert in Boston’s Symphony Hall with my dear friend Eileen who absolutely HATES to be in photographs. I’ve never seen anyone refuse to smile for a camera like Eileen. We had a great time up there in the second balcony.
December—We had the most wonderful Christmas with this darling girl.

Wishing everyone a Happy New Year’s Eve. Our plan is to go to the movies to see Wicked Part 2. I’m a Wicked fan, but we haven’t seen Part 2 yet due to The Knee. Hopefully this first foray back to the movies will go well.

Merry Christmas

~ MaryG ~ 15 Comments

OK, I’m back in a good mood now. I had a lovely Christmas Eve.

I felt profound gratitude for four things last night:

1) I have a good son. Mothers of good sons, you know what I mean! Last night my son drove me to church for choir practice and came back an hour later to sit with me during the service, which was especially meaningful as my husband couldn’t make it to church this year due to his knee surgery. My son offers his arm when we walk through icy parking lots together. ❤️

2) SINGING: I just love it. Especially on Christmas Eve at our beautiful candlelight service.

My church on Christmas Eve

3) My husband felt well enough to go out to dinner with us after church. It was his first time in a restaurant since his surgery a month ago.

4) A negative mammogram. Ladies, you know how good that feels. Even if you’ve never had breast cancer, we all have friends or family members who have had it. (I got my results on Christmas Eve at 10pm.)

And now we await the arrival of our “celebrity guest” (as my son is calling her)—my precious one-year old granddaughter and her parents.

My husband preparing his famous Lasagna Bolognese with an ice pack strapped to his new knee

Merry Christmas!

Sibling equality

~ MaryG ~ 3 Comments

I’m sad about Rob Reiner and Michele Singer being murdered by their drug-addicted son.

I mostly feel badly for their other three adult children.

I have no idea what went on in this family, but I can relate to the situation of having a sibling for whom life is considered “more difficult” and is therefore indulged and supported endlessly—especially financially.

In my opinion, parents of adult children should keep careful track of how much money they give to each adult child. They should also consider the huge and selfless undertaking of raising children (aka their grandchildren) when sharing their resources.

If one adult child is allowed to act like a teenager into adulthood (aka Peter Pan Syndrome), you’re going to have problems.

Equity matters. Sometimes tough love is required. Never ask a healthy, functioning adult child to get involved in their sibling’s problems. (That’s up to them, if they want to do that.)

Having multiple children is a choice. Siblings may or may not get along later in life. One way you can increase your chances of family harmony is to expect adult behavior from adults. And keep track of how much financial support you provide each adult child. This may sound cold and calculating, but it can help you see things more clearly, when needed.

27-year old orphan Romy Reiner with her late father Rob. This poor girl found her parents’ bodies and had to name her brother as the killer. How did it get to that point? What choices were made?