Living with a bad sleeper

~ MaryG

What do you do to improve your sleep?

I have had bouts of insomnia over the years. The worst was when my daughter was newborn. I developed a problem where I couldn’t get back to sleep after getting up to feed her. And as many people know, lack of sleep for extended periods can cause very real problems. Mine caused vertigo. It was scary. But since then, I’ve mostly had my sleeping under control. I use the Calm app when sleep problems flare-up.

My husband is a totally different story. It seems like he hasn’t had a good night of sleep since 1993. He has sleep apnea, Restless Leg Syndrome, chronic arthritis pain, and he’s just a restless guy in general. This can make his health and moods quite variable. (You really do need good sleep to feel “well.”)

I’ve tried to help with his problems over the years, but it’s really on him. You can’t “fix” another person. I long ago decided that everyone is responsible for their own happiness. If he’s having a bad day due to lack of sleep, I really try to not let it ruin mine. I want to enjoy my life and good health for however long it lasts. You can be sympathetic without “taking on” another person’s problems.

I’m now watching the second season of The Four Seasons on Netflix and I love it. It’s about a group of GenX friends who are dealing with relatable issues like the death of a close friend. The long-married, straight couple is played by Tina Fey and Will Forte. In the episode I watched last night, one scene really resonated. It ended with Will Forte saying exactly what I’ve been saying: “we are each responsible for our own happiness.” And Tina Fey responded, “so we’re still married, but we stop trying to fix each other.”

Yes, I agree!

And fortunately, we have a second bedroom I can escape to, if needed. That’s actually my key point, come to think of it.

If you live with a bad sleeper, you MUST have a second bedroom where you can go sleep in peace by yourself. Nobody can sleep on “eggshells” – worried to death that they’ll accidentally wake someone else up.

19 thoughts on “Living with a bad sleeper”

  1. When we were younger I was the one with insomnia who would thrash all night. Since menopause, I sleep more easily but my husband is up all night. Half the time he nods off the couch watching tv and doesn’t come to bed at all.
    🥴

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  2. Yes, sleeping with anyone should be an infrequent thing that’s intentional!

    And the girl who I had a date with on Tuesday recommended “Four Seasons” to me. However, I started watching “Dark” right before our date. And that’s not funny.

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      1. I can’t do gratuitous gore… It’s more psychological. It’s German and well-made. Can you do “Stranger Things?” I was able to do “Yellowjackets” and just looked away a couple times.

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  4. You’ve probably made these suggestions to your husband, and I certainly understand and support your philosophy. But just in case: As the sleep apnea is most serious, I hope he’s at least getting treatment for that. Good ole magnesium may help pain, restless leg, and sleep. I take it for migraines, 600 mg a day. But of course, he should talk to a doctor first. Sleep is so important–not just for mood, but for helping the brain cleanse itself on a nightly basis to prevent dementia and other age-related diseases. (I can give you a link to a post I wrote about this if you think he would read it.)

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  6. New laws in the UK are coming into force for people aged 70+ who drive in order to make it harder to keep your licence if you could be a danger on the roads.
    Alongside this they have extended the list of ailments which require anyone to relinquish their driving licence and this includes diagnosed sleep apnoea!

    I don’t envy you having your sleep disrupted by someone else and I’m totally with you in that one of my mantras is “everyone in life deserves to be happy and if you are not happy there is only one person who can do anything about it, You!” 

    https://amidlifeadventure.org/2026/01/19/life-lessons-from-personal-mantras/

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