Good People

~ MaryG

What’s one thing you know now that would have saved your younger self a lot of pain?

Probably could have saved myself a bunch of pain by not worrying so much about what my parents thought. The guilt trips were (and are) detrimental to my mental health. I’m in my 60s FFS and I still have to brace myself to tell them I’m not going to do certain things they want (like invite a difficult relative to my home).

Now, I’m not saying my parents were anything like the Afghani immigrant parents in Good People—the new bestseller by Patmeena Sabit—but I did find certain elements of that poor girl’s story somewhat relatable. (My father is a second generation immigrant from Italy.)

Warning: spoilers ahead

If you read it, what are your thoughts? Was it an “honor killing” or not?

The most upsetting chapter to me was the medical examiner’s report. The description of what Zorah was wearing when she died was just so…poignant. I stopped and cried at that point in the book.

I guess the part I related to was the whole idea of parents being more concerned about what the community or the neighbors think rather than what is actually going on with their child. Also, siblings getting dragged into each other’s problems. You are not your brother or sister’s keeper. I don’t think that expectation is healthy. I’m not saying siblings shouldn’t care for each other, but when shit hits the fan, the actual adults in the family should deal. Don’t drag your other kids into a big mess that is not of their own making.

If Zorah’s brother did do the awful thing, do you think he was equally as guilty as her father? Or less so, because of his age and likely being pressured by the father?

And goodness, where was the mother in all of this and why was she so weak?

I know, I know…it’s the motherfucking patriarchy.

15 thoughts on “Good People”

  1. Can’t comment on the book because I hadn’t heard of it til now. Thinking I have to be in a more resilient mood to read it maybe eventually, but obviously it’s poignant and moved you.

    I did find myself nodding with your general thoughts at the beginning. Your home is your sanctuary and your choice who to allow in. I just saw a clip of Oprah talking to Maya Angelou about a party where she stopped everything to have someone leave because of a ‘joke’.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for sharing that. It’s hard when it’s “family,” but you need to protect your peace. And yeah, I think maybe you should hold off on reading this book Stephanie. (I’m pretty sure it’ll be a film at some point, which I may or may not see.) ❤️
      PS: I’m loving The Correspondent. Thx for recommending!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Happy you’re loving The Correspondent!! I told my therapist and she said she liked it, but had a hard time with the intros being read every time. I didn’t mind that at all. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I switched to audio version about halfway through (so I could finish it while driving) and I did find them a bit annoying on audio. Didn’t bother me at all when reading.
        Great book. I liked Sybil. I was warned I might not, but I did. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Me too!! She felt close, as though even though I’m not as extreme in terms of keeping cloistered to writing, I could at least understand her well, and feel why those around her might not.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I haven’t read the book either, so I can’t comment on it. But I certainly know that family dynamics can be tricksy. If I could turn back time, I would change many things. But of course I can’t. We can only go forward.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I get this, the worrying about what your parents think part. Have successfully broken away from it somewhat but it still seems to be ingrained in me.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Parent dynamics can be challenging. I’m sure there are others other family members are happy with your guest list!

    Yesterday, we went to Laura Bananti’s Nobody Cares show. It combined comedy, music and autobiographical stories and one of the themes was finding freedom by letting go of other’s expectations and living an authentic life. I’ll admit, us husbands just came along for the ride but it turned out to be pretty good. It definitely was food for thought for me.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You crossed my mind as I watched this. I thought you’d enjoy this. Many Gen X women related to this. She said it started crossing generational lines as well.

        She was nervous about performing in my area because the population leans right. But I think most MAGA already knew this wouldn’t be their cup of tea.

        If you see it, let me know if you liked it!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I can relate to the part about the parents because I’ve watched my 60-something yo aunt cower to my grandmother. In fact, I think there’s been some animosity toward me because I am one of the first people who has told her…gulp…no lol and also shown her why she should care about her family’s feelings and less about other things.

    Hopping off my soap box. Sending you a hug. The book sounds like it was a lot.

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