family dysfunction

Good People

~ MaryG ~ 15 Comments

What’s one thing you know now that would have saved your younger self a lot of pain?

Probably could have saved myself a bunch of pain by not worrying so much about what my parents thought. The guilt trips were (and are) detrimental to my mental health. I’m in my 60s FFS and I still have to brace myself to tell them I’m not going to do certain things they want (like invite a difficult relative to my home).

Now, I’m not saying my parents were anything like the Afghani immigrant parents in Good People—the new bestseller by Patmeena Sabit—but I did find certain elements of that poor girl’s story somewhat relatable. (My father is a second generation immigrant from Italy.)

Warning: spoilers ahead

If you read it, what are your thoughts? Was it an “honor killing” or not?

The most upsetting chapter to me was the medical examiner’s report. The description of what Zorah was wearing when she died was just so…poignant. I stopped and cried at that point in the book.

I guess the part I related to was the whole idea of parents being more concerned about what the community or the neighbors think rather than what is actually going on with their child. Also, siblings getting dragged into each other’s problems. You are not your brother or sister’s keeper. I don’t think that expectation is healthy. I’m not saying siblings shouldn’t care for each other, but when shit hits the fan, the actual adults in the family should deal. Don’t drag your other kids into a big mess that is not of their own making.

If Zorah’s brother did do the awful thing, do you think he was equally as guilty as her father? Or less so, because of his age and likely being pressured by the father?

And goodness, where was the mother in all of this and why was she so weak?

I know, I know…it’s the motherfucking patriarchy.

I wish I knew

~ MaryG ~ 19 Comments

What’s the best way to deal with negative thoughts?

This is a hard one for me to answer. I’ve been dealing with a lot of negative thoughts since the beginning of this year, due to a situation that has forever changed my feelings about my family of origin.

I’ll be interested to read others’ responses.

I guess distraction is one way!

So, here’s a mommy and baby osprey in their very dramatic nest near the beach on the South Coast of Massachusetts:

And some video of the two interacting:

This nearby beach is just over border, so it’s actually in Rhode Island, not Massachusetts.

New England has many beautiful areas, but this one is my favorite. The ocean is noticeably warmer here than in Northern New England and there are never shark sightings like on Cape Cod (knock wood) so you can get in and swim to your heart’s content.

Actually, that’s my answer: swimming is the best way to deal with negative thoughts.

Go for a swim, people!

Internet Wisdom

~ MaryG ~ 9 Comments

One good thing about social media and the general interconnectedness of the whole world online is that you can access “group think” so easily.

If you’re feeling a certain way about something, there’s definitely someone out there that knows exactly what you mean.

I’m still not over the high family drama that I experienced in January.

Thank goodness the internet gets it.

Human v AI artwork

~ MaryG ~ 20 Comments

I needed a mantra for a situation I’m currently being exposed to by my family of origin, which could pull me under, if I let it.

I asked AI to create an image of the mantra phrase with some instructions about colors and animals that I like.

Definitely tacky, but still…pretty good. I could see using this as a screensaver temporarily.

In a way, it reminds me of the hand-painted sign I made for my husband after his surgery a couple weeks ago:

I know I’m supposed to think and say that all AI-generated art is a bad thing, but I’m wondering if maybe it has its place.

What do you think?

Peter Pan Syndrome

~ MaryG ~ 12 Comments

Below is a ChatGPT description of “Peter Pan Syndrome.”

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Peter Pan Syndrome refers to individuals who struggle with accepting adult responsibilities, often exhibiting emotional immaturity. While it’s not an official psychological diagnosis, the concept identifies key behavioral traits. The six main signs often associated with Peter Pan Syndrome are:

1. Avoidance of Responsibility

Difficulty committing to long-term goals, careers, or relationships, and a tendency to avoid adult obligations such as financial independence or household management.

2. Emotional Immaturity

Difficulty handling criticism, conflict, or stress, often reacting in a childlike or overly defensive manner.

3. Fear of Commitment

Reluctance to commit to relationships, work, or life plans, often prioritizing short-term pleasure over stability.

4. Dependency

Relying heavily on parents, partners, or others for financial or emotional support instead of fostering independence.

5. Escapism

Seeking constant distraction or entertainment, such as video games, social media, or partying, to avoid facing responsibilities.

6. Narcissistic Tendencies

A self-centered outlook, prioritizing personal desires over the needs of others, with difficulty showing empathy or maintaining healthy relationships.

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Do you have an adult in your life who acts like they never grew up? It may be Peter Pan Syndrome. My advice is to set boundaries early and stick to them.

And parents: don’t raise a Peter Pan. It can (and most likely will) damage your relationship with your other children.