What’s a moment when a stranger completely restored your faith in people?
Several years ago, I passed a middle-aged woman dance walking on our rail trail. She was dancing with wild abandon while walking for exercise. She was wearing big over-the-ear headphones. I have no idea what she was listening to, but I always imagined it was the BeeGees.
I loved it. I’m not sure why exactly, but I think it had something to do with seeing a woman alone enjoy herself so thoroughly and unselfconsciously.
You don’t realize how rare that is until you see it.
If your future self could send you one sentence, what do you hope it would say?
I feel like I am my future self. Things are somewhat settled for me. I’m 61, I’m retired, I’m a grandmother, I’m married and I’m going to stay married until one of us dies.
My hopes for the future are all for my kids and grandkids, and for humans in general.
I am beyond horrified at what we’re currently seeing in my country…from the return of measles, to the reversing of the hard won victories of the Civil Rights and Women’s movements, to the alienation of our democratic allies over a wildly ill-conceived war in the Middle East, which is costing us all a shit ton of money and has no end in sight.
I hope 81-year old me can say something like this in 2046:
Dear Mary,
Fear not! After President Trump was found dead on the toilet by his delighted wife, VP Vance was sworn in, but lost in a landslide to President Ocasio-Cortez, who ushered in a new era of democracy, peace, prosperity, equality and optimism, which continues to this day.
What’s the best local dish you’ve ever eaten while traveling?
Summer is far and away my favorite season in New England—my lifelong home. I generally stay within its six states in summer. Why leave? I know it’s been very hot here, but I’m a swimmer. Outdoor pools and oceans beckon me. The water temperature at Rhode Island beaches was 70F last weekend. Perfect.
A plate of fresh, farm-raised oysters at Westport Sea Farms in Westport, MA
What’s something you used to worry about but don’t anymore?
I used to worry that something would happen to my husband before our kids grew up. I worried that he’d die and I’d be left to raise them alone. We never had life insurance policies. (Too expensive) When I had just one child (my daughter), I figured I could manage. Somehow, she and I would get by. After my son was born six years later, I was really dependent on my husband (and his income). I wouldn’t have been able to do it on my own without help.
Sometimes now, I just revel in the relief of having them both grown and living independently. I am here if they need me, of course, but they don’t NEED me, need me—in that food/shelter/life/death kind of way—anymore. Phew.
I still worry about my husband dying, but it’s more about me now. How would I change the water filters on my own? Or reprogram the sprinklers after a power outage? Who would watch Masterpiece with me??
Nantucket, 2007 I sometimes found raising two kids hard with two parents on the job—literally, one for each kid. We also had a helpful set of grandparents nearby. Hats off to all the women who raise children completely on their own. Some of them do it so brilliantly, but I’m glad I don’t have that particular worry anymore.
What’s a quote that perfectly describes your outlook on life?
This WordPress writing prompt is basically a repeat of two days ago, with different wording.
As it happens, a commenter on my posteat dessert first (Sambuca from Ontario) planted the idea of peach ice cream in my little brain and I could not stop thinking about how it’s a seasonal “featured” flavor at my local ice cream stand that I have never tried. So, last night, I rectified the situation.
I thought I was ordering the smallest size available (it’s called a “kiddie”) but now I know that I need to order a “mini” if I really only want a little bit.
Ice cream twice in one week. Someone had to do it.
But I haven’t really been anywhere for over a year now. This is due to my husband’s health. His shitty knees took a turn for the worse after our trip to Ireland last summer. He ended up getting two total knee replacements in 2025/26. If you haven’t heard, knee replacements are a real bitch. After that, he got a mysterious set of symptoms that may be partly related to the knees that I hope are finally subsiding. Fingers crossed! He’s back to planning for the future—he’s mapping out a new vegetable garden and signed a contract to purchase solar panels for our home.
I’m hopeful that we can start to travel again soon. I’ve rebooked a trip to Acadia National Park in Maine, which I had to cancel last year due to his knees.
Nowadays, everything I book is cancellable. For decades, I never canceled a single trip, but now that I’m in my sixties, I know that shit can and does happen. I had to cancel my planned weeklong Dance Camp because I got plantar fasciitis in my left heel. Oh well. These things happen.
My calendar is always marked with the last day I can cancel any trip without losing too much money.
Magical moment in Yellowstone National Park, August 2024, shortly before we became grandparents for the first time
I’m not sure who said this originally: Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first
But I will always attribute it to my dear friend’s late father. Last summer, at her daughter’s wedding, when I arrived at my seat for the reception, this was my place setting.
And in that spirit, here’s a photo of an amazing dessert I had last night. (I actually had it after dinner, but I was not too full and enjoyed every bite.)
The flavor is “vanilla blueberry crumble” and it is delicious. It’s vanilla with fresh blueberries and graham crackers from the locally famous Kimball Farm.
That’s a small! (I finished it, obvi)
I don’t know if other parts of the country have local ice cream stands that were originally dairy farms operated by hearty, entrepreneurial types who decided to expand into ice cream in the early part of the 20th century, but eastern Massachusetts has many great options. Many have been in continuous operation since before WW2 and the ice cream is amazing.
What’s a skill you consider basic, that most people don’t actually know how to do?
So many people say they “can’t sing” and it bugs me. Everyone CAN sing, but not everyone can sing in tune. My mother is a non-singer. She said she’s so bad at it that she was told to “mouth the words” to her sorority song, so as not to be heard by whatever audience listened to sorority girls sing songs in the 1950s. I’ve literally never heard her sing.
My husband can’t read music or play an instrument but he can sing — in tune. He will do karaoke in a pinch, if required. I think it’s because he listens to a lot of music and sings or hums along.
That is honestly the best way to learn to sing: Sing or hum along with music you like.
If you can’t find a song you like, then sing this one. It’s the classic.
Julie Andrews taught me
Imagine a world where nobody ever says “I can’t sing,” but instead just joins in with everyone else, I think it might actually fix all our problems.
I feel like this is low-key one of the “God questions.” It’s not directly asking if you believe in God, but who else is providing the “reasons,” if not God?
It’s hard to imagine there could be any conceivable “reason” for the awful things that happen in this world. Here in Massachusetts, we are dealing with daily gruesome reporting on the Lindsay Clancy trial—the labor & delivery nurse who strangled all 3 of her young children and then attempted suicide by jumping out a window in a state of post-partum psychosis, while her husband was out picking up dinner. He came home to find his wife paralyzed on the front lawn and all three of his children in the basement with exercise bands wrapped around their necks. What possible reason?
When my own three cousins were tiny (under 5), their mother (my aunt) found a lump in her breast and then died of breast cancer at age 30. I had prayed so hard to Catholic God for her to live. But Catholic God decided she should die. And, at her funeral, Catholic priest implied God had a good reason for “calling her home” to Him early. I’m pretty sure that was the exact moment I quit believing in the Catholic Church and its God.
So no, I don’t think “everything happens for a reason.” Some things are just horrible misfortunes that nobody deserves.
My aunt Betsy (far left) holding one of her children. She died a year or so later.
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