Parenting

Good question

~ MaryG ~ 3 Comments

What motivates you?

Since 1995, when my first child was born, being a mother is what motivated me. Raising kids is such a heavy lift! From making food to making money, you’re constantly working on their behalf for 23ish years, if you send them to college. My second child was born six years later, so I’m just wrapping up this phase now. (He’s a senior in college.)

If you succeed at parenting, your kids grow into happy, independent adults, which is great. Pat yourself on the back, you did a good job! (Of course you still worry about them, but it’s not the same. They’re adults now.)

But THEN what motivates you? I’m not sure. It’s a good question.

My husband has taken up powerlifting and is very serious about it. I’ve made what feels like a cliche move for a woman my age and booked a trip to Paris. I’m currently studying French on the Mango app available through my public library. I’ll let you know how that goes.

Will travel motivate me?

I feel safe

~ MaryG ~ Leave a comment
Daily writing prompt
What positive emotion do you feel most often?
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Have you noticed how you get asked: “Do you feel safe at home?” at every medical appointment these days? It’s like a law or something. Without a second thought, I always answer yes. I never worry about being hurt by someone in my home.

Sadly, millions of people, especially women and children, cannot truthfully answer yes to that question. In my town, a beautful, promising high school senior was murdered by her father in 2010, when my daughter was a freshman at the same school. It was surreal, almost unfathomable.

It’s easy to take safety for granted, but it’s not a given. Men especially should think about that every time they want to complain about things like “safe spaces” or “trigger warnings.” The reality is that many, many people don’t feel safe in their own homes or relationships and can’t easily get out. If there’s a gun in the home, that makes everything worse. If you haven’t seen it, the series Maid on Netflix is great.

One last thing, I had a male colleague give me a hard time because I complained about female staff members being expected to walk to a remote parking lot (under an expressway in Boston) after an event that we were all required to attend. He just coudn’t understand how I could bring up PARKING, when he was dealing with so many important and stressful details! Maybe if he’d ever felt afraid enough to lace his keys between his fingers on a dark or deserted street, he’d have understood a bit better.

Apparently this way is better and safer for your hand

Duck, Cover and Recirculate

~ MaryG ~ 1 Comment

Create an emergency preparedness plan.

I once told a friend that, in the event of a nuclear attack on Boston, my plan was to put the kids in the minivan, hit “recirculate” on the a/c, and drive west. Surely, “recirculate” would keep the radiation out of our air supply. She laughed.

By the way, I did not enjoy the film “Oppenheimer.” It’s too long and confusing and mostly about politics. I couldn’t keep all the white guys straight. I thought it would have been better as a miniseries, with new characters rolled out each week. The blast scene was cool though. Terrifyingly cool.

Get in the water at the beach

~ MaryG ~ 1 Comment

What brings you peace?

I feel peace in the ocean. There’s something about floating on the waves that gives me a sense of perspective. You literally become part of the earth’s surface and know that you and your problems are but a tiny speck in a much bigger universe.

Living in New England, it can be hard to find ocean water warm enough to bring you peace. This website is good for checking ocean temperatures.

My children and me enjoying warm Rhode Island waters, August 2010

“I want to be a teacher” was everyone’s answer

~ MaryG ~ 3 Comments

What profession do you admire most and why?

As a girl growing up in suburban America in the 70s, I wanted to be a public school teacher and so did all my friends. We LOVED Mrs. Murphy, our first grade teacher, so much that she accidentally got called “mom” several times a day. We played school outside of school all the time.

My grandmother was a kindergarten teacher in Worcester for decades and she would bring me into her class for a day about once per school year. Her classroom, like many, was a magical world unto itself. I’m pretty sure that parents back then would never have dreamed of intervening with the teachers’ plans.

My daughter also dreamed of being a teacher for many years and frequently conducted “school” for her stuffed animals. My mother was briefly a teacher in the 60s, before getting pregnant and losing her job because teachers couldn’t be pregnant then.

It’s so sad to read how horribly teachers are mistreated and bullied by far-right conservative parents and politicians in many US states now. It really is the most important job in the world.

PS: I highly recommend watching ABC’s “Abbott Elementary” created by Quinta Brunson. In my opinion, it’s the best show on network TV now.

Thoughts from a Field

~ MaryG ~ 1 Comment

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Technically speaking, over the past 20 years, I’ve been a soccer basketball swimming tennis softball track chorus band theater dance and lacrosse mom.  (Not all at the same time, thank goodness!)  Like many parents, I’ve been to hundreds of games, meets, matches, recitals, concerts, and plays. Many, if not most, have been enjoyable to watch.  The best ones are the ones where it looks your child is having a really great time doing whatever it is they’re doing.

There have been a few activities that were not optional for my kids.  For example, learning to swim well was required, as was learning to read music (at least the treble clef).  More than one teary battle was fought over swim team or band practice.  Heck, I knew I wasn’t raising a Phelps or a Mozart, but if they ever fell off a boat, or wanted to sing along in church, at least they’d have a fighting chance!  I also made sure they could ice skate.  Living in New England, it seemed like a must.

So what’s the point of signing kids up…and paying…and driving them all over hell…for the optional activities?

In my opinion, number one is FUN. (If they’re not smiling or happy or excited for at least part of the time, something is wrong.)

Number two is physical FITNESS.  Let’s face it, obesity is a lifelong battle for some people.  We want our kids be active—to know what it feels like to be in good shape and to want to keep it up.

Number three is TEAMWORK.   Being part of a team (or a band, or a choir) requires working together with others for a common goal, an indispensable skill.

Number four is MASTERY.  It’s good to get good at something. Eventually, one or two activities emerge as the favorites.  Continued participation, combined with some self-discipline and hard work, will hopefully result in a feeling of accomplishment.

Parents sacrifice a lot to have their kids participate in activities—money, time, sleep (my daughter was in a choral group that practiced at 7am 5 days a week).  Carpools alone can require dozens of organizational e-mails and texts.  So, before you sign your kid up for (fill in the blank), think about your reasons.  They might be different than mine, but it’s good to know what they are.

Also, don’t forget to ask your kid if they want to be signed-up for a particular activity.  They might say no, which is fine…unless of course it’s swimming lessons.