Parenting

The Devil’s in the Details

~ MaryG ~ 6 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What details of your life could you pay more attention to?
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I think I’m past the age of worrying too much about the details. For years, I felt like I had to be on top of all the details of everybody’s lives. From toddler meals to travel basketball to college applications — the family schedule was a big deal. If you messed up, someone ate something that they were allergic to, or an important event was missed, or someone got left waiting outside in the cold.

One good thing about being an empty nester is that your time is bascially your own, outside of work.

Now, I’m more about the big picture. The “details” I care about are the optional ones that make life more meaningful like catching up with a friend, seeing a performance, talking with my book group, or traveling someplace with my husband.

I’ve had two friends (my age) recently tell me that they prefer spontaneous, rather than planned, get togethers. They don’t like putting things on the calendar way ahead and then having to cancel or reschedule because someone is sick or whatever. I can see their point. Although I’m still basically a planner, I will call or text people last-minute if I’m nearby.

They say the “devil is in the details,” so screw the details. Just do what you want, with people you like, whenever you can.

Sadly, this advice does not apply to young parents. You have to put your kids first for at least 18 years, but you’ll be shocked at how fast that goes by.

Sweet tooth

~ MaryG ~ 4 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What are your favorite types of foods?
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I don’t enjoy cooking much, or even really eating. I’m not a big foodie. I didn’t cook at all until I became a mother, and then it suddenly felt like part of the job description. One day, after my husband was back at work and I was home all day with the baby, I remember thinking, “I should really cook something for dinner.” Going to the grocery store with a baby was an adventure all its own. It could take hours just to get out the door with the grocery list, car seat, and well-rested, pre-fed, happy baby, dressed in appropriate clothing for the weather. Picking out the items, while seeing all those people, could be a fun morning activity, if everything went smoothly.

Despite not caring all that much about dinner, I’ve always loved desserts and sweet foods in general. As a kid, I would always order french toast in a breakfast restaurant – never eggs. When I was pregnant, I craved baked goods and had lengthy dreams about cakes, pies, brownies, cookies, congo bars and other bakery items. I’d wake up and have apple pie or carrot cake for breakfast, if we had it.

Now that I’m an empty-nester, I’ve been trying to make something a bit interesting for dinner about once a week–something beyond our usual standbys (roast chicken, turkey meatloaf, pasta and meat sauce). I’m finding I still gravitate to the recipes with a sweet ingredient or two. I made the NYT Cooking’s Skillet Meatballs With Peaches, Basil and Lime (weird, but good) and this week I will be attempting (for the second time), the Silver Palate’s Chicken Marbella. It contains both prunes and brown sugar, thereby addressing my sweet tooth.

If ever there was a GenX/Baby Boomer crossover recipe, Chicken Marbella is it. Many people love it. I’ve had it and liked it. But the first time I tried it, something went horribly wrong with the oregano. Wish me luck.

My version of Skillet Meatballs With Peaches, Basil and Lime

Moms Decide

~ MaryG ~ Leave a comment

Do you see yourself as a leader?

I don’t see myself as a leader, as much as a decisive person. I can make a decision. I don’t waffle much, for better or worse.

I have no direct reports at work, but I’m a respected individual contributor. When my kids were growing up, I worked part-time as a consultant and developed a specific area of expertise, which is still my field.

GenX and older might remember when President George W. Bush famously said “I’m the decider” in 2006, when the press was questioning him on the wisdom of keeping Don Rumsfeld as Secretary of Defense.

Turns out it was a bad decision (in my opinion), but I borrowed W’s phrase many times in my life as a mom. It was my #1 answer to the never ending question: why do we have to go to swim practice? It was a nice alternative to the pre-Bush answer: “because I said so”

Swim meet, 2007

Comparing us to the Obamas

~ MaryG ~ 2 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What was the last thing you searched for online? Why were you looking for it?
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The Obamas in 2009

“Sasha Obama job 2023” was the last thing I googled. I was wondering what Sasha is up to now that she’s graduated from college. My son will be graduating in May.

This is part of a longstanding habit I have of “low-key comparing” my family to the Obamas.

I believe I developed this habit because Barack Obama was the first President in my very own age group. He was 47 when he got elected in November 2008. Michelle was 44. And their daughters, Malia and Sasha, were 10 and 7. I was 43. My husband was 46. And our kids were 13 and 7. I know that technically Barack is a Baby Boomer, like my husband, but culturally, they’re Generation X.

In addition to admiring them tremendously as a family, I’ve always tended to keep tabs on the Obamas’ milestones. For instance, I was very interested in Barack’s 60th birthday plans and how they were impacted by the pandemic, as I was thinking about my husband’s 60th. I’m sure I’ll be paying close attention to whatever Michelle has to say about turning 60 in January, as I start to think about my own entry into that decade of life. (I’ve read both her books.) Also, I’ll admit to being jealous of her famously toned upper arms. They are my main motivation whenever I decide to pick up my hand weights.

There should be a word for a celebrity or public figure that you relate to because they are part of your generation. They are your “contemporaries,” but you don’t actually know them. Let me know if you think of one.

Good question

~ MaryG ~ 3 Comments

What motivates you?

Since 1995, when my first child was born, being a mother is what motivated me. Raising kids is such a heavy lift! From making food to making money, you’re constantly working on their behalf for 23ish years, if you send them to college. My second child was born six years later, so I’m just wrapping up this phase now. (He’s a senior in college.)

If you succeed at parenting, your kids grow into happy, independent adults, which is great. Pat yourself on the back, you did a good job! (Of course you still worry about them, but it’s not the same. They’re adults now.)

But THEN what motivates you? I’m not sure. It’s a good question.

My husband has taken up powerlifting and is very serious about it. I’ve made what feels like a cliche move for a woman my age and booked a trip to Paris. I’m currently studying French on the Mango app available through my public library. I’ll let you know how that goes.

Will travel motivate me?

I feel safe

~ MaryG ~ Leave a comment
Daily writing prompt
What positive emotion do you feel most often?
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Have you noticed how you get asked: “Do you feel safe at home?” at every medical appointment these days? It’s like a law or something. Without a second thought, I always answer yes. I never worry about being hurt by someone in my home.

Sadly, millions of people, especially women and children, cannot truthfully answer yes to that question. In my town, a beautful, promising high school senior was murdered by her father in 2010, when my daughter was a freshman at the same school. It was surreal, almost unfathomable.

It’s easy to take safety for granted, but it’s not a given. Men especially should think about that every time they want to complain about things like “safe spaces” or “trigger warnings.” The reality is that many, many people don’t feel safe in their own homes or relationships and can’t easily get out. If there’s a gun in the home, that makes everything worse. If you haven’t seen it, the series Maid on Netflix is great.

One last thing, I had a male colleague give me a hard time because I complained about female staff members being expected to walk to a remote parking lot (under an expressway in Boston) after an event that we were all required to attend. He just coudn’t understand how I could bring up PARKING, when he was dealing with so many important and stressful details! Maybe if he’d ever felt afraid enough to lace his keys between his fingers on a dark or deserted street, he’d have understood a bit better.

Apparently this way is better and safer for your hand

Duck, Cover and Recirculate

~ MaryG ~ 1 Comment

Create an emergency preparedness plan.

I once told a friend that, in the event of a nuclear attack on Boston, my plan was to put the kids in the minivan, hit “recirculate” on the a/c, and drive west. Surely, “recirculate” would keep the radiation out of our air supply. She laughed.

By the way, I did not enjoy the film “Oppenheimer.” It’s too long and confusing and mostly about politics. I couldn’t keep all the white guys straight. I thought it would have been better as a miniseries, with new characters rolled out each week. The blast scene was cool though. Terrifyingly cool.

Get in the water at the beach

~ MaryG ~ 1 Comment

What brings you peace?

I feel peace in the ocean. There’s something about floating on the waves that gives me a sense of perspective. You literally become part of the earth’s surface and know that you and your problems are but a tiny speck in a much bigger universe.

Living in New England, it can be hard to find ocean water warm enough to bring you peace. This website is good for checking ocean temperatures.

My children and me enjoying warm Rhode Island waters, August 2010

“I want to be a teacher” was everyone’s answer

~ MaryG ~ 3 Comments

What profession do you admire most and why?

As a girl growing up in suburban America in the 70s, I wanted to be a public school teacher and so did all my friends. We LOVED Mrs. Murphy, our first grade teacher, so much that she accidentally got called “mom” several times a day. We played school outside of school all the time.

My grandmother was a kindergarten teacher in Worcester for decades and she would bring me into her class for a day about once per school year. Her classroom, like many, was a magical world unto itself. I’m pretty sure that parents back then would never have dreamed of intervening with the teachers’ plans.

My daughter also dreamed of being a teacher for many years and frequently conducted “school” for her stuffed animals. My mother was briefly a teacher in the 60s, before getting pregnant and losing her job because teachers couldn’t be pregnant then.

It’s so sad to read how horribly teachers are mistreated and bullied by far-right conservative parents and politicians in many US states now. It really is the most important job in the world.

PS: I highly recommend watching ABC’s “Abbott Elementary” created by Quinta Brunson. In my opinion, it’s the best show on network TV now.