Parenting

Do your part

~ MaryG ~ 4 Comments

What principles define how you live?

I think I’m more pragmatic than highly principled. I want to live in a peaceful world, where everyone gets along, and basic needs are met for all. I believe in democracy and capitalism within reason. I believe the government should provide basic services, including education, and should get involved in regulating and overseeing private industry to protect us and our environment. I believe there are certain things that only government can do, like protect our civil rights and bodily autonomy, including protecting us from gun violence.

I believe it is an individual’s responsibility to act in a way that contributes to society and if possible, don’t burden others. Work, pay your taxes, raise decent children, exercise, floss, and for goodness sake’s VOTE, even when it’s a real pain in the ass. Like tonight.

Massachusetts towns have this crazy form of local government called Town Meeting. It’s incredibly time consuming as people can stand up and pontificate ad nauseum on anything from a new firetruck to a new bylaw regulating backyard chickens.

Tonight there’s a zoning question around guns. Pro second amendment people will pack the meeting, as will parents and others who want to limit the number of firearms businesses in town. I’d rather stay home and watch Hotel Portofino on Masterpiece, but I will go to Town Meeting. Because you gotta do your part.

This is Article 9. It’s not as interesting as Masterpiece, but showing up and voting YES is the least I can do.
The simple version

I’m someone’s mother

~ MaryG ~ 1 Comment

When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?

About a week after I had my daughter, I ventured out into the world without her. I left her with my husband in our apartment while I went to a pharmacy to pick-up the first photos of her. (This was 1995 and we still took actual film to Walgreens or CVS to get prints made.)

I remember thinking, “This is so weird. It’s not just me walking around anymore. I’m someone’s mother.” I wondered if I looked different, because I sure felt different. I was 29 years old.

There’s nothing like the responsibility of having a teeny, tiny human completely dependent on you to make you feel like a true grown up real fast.

Here’s one of the photos I was picking up at the pharmacy that day: my February baby 💕

A goal that worked out great

~ MaryG ~ 6 Comments

What was the hardest personal goal you’ve set for yourself?

I’m not a big goal setter. I tend to believe in the old John Lennon quote, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

One time I really did make a conscious, considered decision to do something and then made it my personal mission was when I decided to have a second child at 35+.

We had one perfect kindergartner and my husband was not really on board with baby #2. I had been thinking the same, but then had a change of heart and knew I wasn’t getting any younger.

So I made it happen.

It took about six months to get pregnant. The pregnancy itself was OK, but my son was huge and 8 days late just before the holidays, so that was rough. Also, I had natural childbirth with a midwife which was hard, but also exhilarating and rewarding.

So yeah, having my son was the hardest and best personal goal I ever set for myself. And good news – my husband eventually came around too!

December baby 💕

Hypothetically hoping

~ MaryG ~ 2 Comments

What would you do if you lost all your possessions?

If I lost all possessions, I assume it would be in a tragic situation like a fire or flood. Most people in those situations, when you see them interviewed on TV, say they’re going to be OK, if they and their families are unhurt. They say something like, “things are just things, people cannot be replaced.”

I hope I’d be like them — filled with grace.

Me and my people that cannot be replaced, Thanksgiving 2016

The Devil’s in the Details

~ MaryG ~ 6 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What details of your life could you pay more attention to?
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I think I’m past the age of worrying too much about the details. For years, I felt like I had to be on top of all the details of everybody’s lives. From toddler meals to travel basketball to college applications — the family schedule was a big deal. If you messed up, someone ate something that they were allergic to, or an important event was missed, or someone got left waiting outside in the cold.

One good thing about being an empty nester is that your time is bascially your own, outside of work.

Now, I’m more about the big picture. The “details” I care about are the optional ones that make life more meaningful like catching up with a friend, seeing a performance, talking with my book group, or traveling someplace with my husband.

I’ve had two friends (my age) recently tell me that they prefer spontaneous, rather than planned, get togethers. They don’t like putting things on the calendar way ahead and then having to cancel or reschedule because someone is sick or whatever. I can see their point. Although I’m still basically a planner, I will call or text people last-minute if I’m nearby.

They say the “devil is in the details,” so screw the details. Just do what you want, with people you like, whenever you can.

Sadly, this advice does not apply to young parents. You have to put your kids first for at least 18 years, but you’ll be shocked at how fast that goes by.

Sweet tooth

~ MaryG ~ 4 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What are your favorite types of foods?
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I don’t enjoy cooking much, or even really eating. I’m not a big foodie. I didn’t cook at all until I became a mother, and then it suddenly felt like part of the job description. One day, after my husband was back at work and I was home all day with the baby, I remember thinking, “I should really cook something for dinner.” Going to the grocery store with a baby was an adventure all its own. It could take hours just to get out the door with the grocery list, car seat, and well-rested, pre-fed, happy baby, dressed in appropriate clothing for the weather. Picking out the items, while seeing all those people, could be a fun morning activity, if everything went smoothly.

Despite not caring all that much about dinner, I’ve always loved desserts and sweet foods in general. As a kid, I would always order french toast in a breakfast restaurant – never eggs. When I was pregnant, I craved baked goods and had lengthy dreams about cakes, pies, brownies, cookies, congo bars and other bakery items. I’d wake up and have apple pie or carrot cake for breakfast, if we had it.

Now that I’m an empty-nester, I’ve been trying to make something a bit interesting for dinner about once a week–something beyond our usual standbys (roast chicken, turkey meatloaf, pasta and meat sauce). I’m finding I still gravitate to the recipes with a sweet ingredient or two. I made the NYT Cooking’s Skillet Meatballs With Peaches, Basil and Lime (weird, but good) and this week I will be attempting (for the second time), the Silver Palate’s Chicken Marbella. It contains both prunes and brown sugar, thereby addressing my sweet tooth.

If ever there was a GenX/Baby Boomer crossover recipe, Chicken Marbella is it. Many people love it. I’ve had it and liked it. But the first time I tried it, something went horribly wrong with the oregano. Wish me luck.

My version of Skillet Meatballs With Peaches, Basil and Lime

Moms Decide

~ MaryG ~ Leave a comment

Do you see yourself as a leader?

I don’t see myself as a leader, as much as a decisive person. I can make a decision. I don’t waffle much, for better or worse.

I have no direct reports at work, but I’m a respected individual contributor. When my kids were growing up, I worked part-time as a consultant and developed a specific area of expertise, which is still my field.

GenX and older might remember when President George W. Bush famously said “I’m the decider” in 2006, when the press was questioning him on the wisdom of keeping Don Rumsfeld as Secretary of Defense.

Turns out it was a bad decision (in my opinion), but I borrowed W’s phrase many times in my life as a mom. It was my #1 answer to the never ending question: why do we have to go to swim practice? It was a nice alternative to the pre-Bush answer: “because I said so”

Swim meet, 2007

Comparing us to the Obamas

~ MaryG ~ 2 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What was the last thing you searched for online? Why were you looking for it?
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The Obamas in 2009

“Sasha Obama job 2023” was the last thing I googled. I was wondering what Sasha is up to now that she’s graduated from college. My son will be graduating in May.

This is part of a longstanding habit I have of “low-key comparing” my family to the Obamas.

I believe I developed this habit because Barack Obama was the first President in my very own age group. He was 47 when he got elected in November 2008. Michelle was 44. And their daughters, Malia and Sasha, were 10 and 7. I was 43. My husband was 46. And our kids were 13 and 7. I know that technically Barack is a Baby Boomer, like my husband, but culturally, they’re Generation X.

In addition to admiring them tremendously as a family, I’ve always tended to keep tabs on the Obamas’ milestones. For instance, I was very interested in Barack’s 60th birthday plans and how they were impacted by the pandemic, as I was thinking about my husband’s 60th. I’m sure I’ll be paying close attention to whatever Michelle has to say about turning 60 in January, as I start to think about my own entry into that decade of life. (I’ve read both her books.) Also, I’ll admit to being jealous of her famously toned upper arms. They are my main motivation whenever I decide to pick up my hand weights.

There should be a word for a celebrity or public figure that you relate to because they are part of your generation. They are your “contemporaries,” but you don’t actually know them. Let me know if you think of one.

Good question

~ MaryG ~ 3 Comments

What motivates you?

Since 1995, when my first child was born, being a mother is what motivated me. Raising kids is such a heavy lift! From making food to making money, you’re constantly working on their behalf for 23ish years, if you send them to college. My second child was born six years later, so I’m just wrapping up this phase now. (He’s a senior in college.)

If you succeed at parenting, your kids grow into happy, independent adults, which is great. Pat yourself on the back, you did a good job! (Of course you still worry about them, but it’s not the same. They’re adults now.)

But THEN what motivates you? I’m not sure. It’s a good question.

My husband has taken up powerlifting and is very serious about it. I’ve made what feels like a cliche move for a woman my age and booked a trip to Paris. I’m currently studying French on the Mango app available through my public library. I’ll let you know how that goes.

Will travel motivate me?

I feel safe

~ MaryG ~ Leave a comment
Daily writing prompt
What positive emotion do you feel most often?
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Have you noticed how you get asked: “Do you feel safe at home?” at every medical appointment these days? It’s like a law or something. Without a second thought, I always answer yes. I never worry about being hurt by someone in my home.

Sadly, millions of people, especially women and children, cannot truthfully answer yes to that question. In my town, a beautful, promising high school senior was murdered by her father in 2010, when my daughter was a freshman at the same school. It was surreal, almost unfathomable.

It’s easy to take safety for granted, but it’s not a given. Men especially should think about that every time they want to complain about things like “safe spaces” or “trigger warnings.” The reality is that many, many people don’t feel safe in their own homes or relationships and can’t easily get out. If there’s a gun in the home, that makes everything worse. If you haven’t seen it, the series Maid on Netflix is great.

One last thing, I had a male colleague give me a hard time because I complained about female staff members being expected to walk to a remote parking lot (under an expressway in Boston) after an event that we were all required to attend. He just coudn’t understand how I could bring up PARKING, when he was dealing with so many important and stressful details! Maybe if he’d ever felt afraid enough to lace his keys between his fingers on a dark or deserted street, he’d have understood a bit better.

Apparently this way is better and safer for your hand