Gen X

Supporting parents over non-parents?

~ MaryG ~ 6 Comments

Sharing financial resources is a zero sum game. Someone’s gain or increase is going to be someone else’s loss.

Do you think parents of adult children have an obligation to financially help the ones with children of their own more than the ones who do not have kids? Or do you think parents should always maintain total equality in the ways they divvy up their support to adult children?

I have been on one end of this dilemma for over 30 years. I’m the one who stayed married and raised a family. My sibling had a lavish wedding (in two locales), but quickly divorced and had no kids. She never found a career she enjoys and is frequently unemployed, despite being very highly educated.

Now I am temporarily (hopefully) on the other end of it. My son currently only has himself to take care of and my daughter is building her family.

Hypothetically, if you had 10K to share at Christmas, would you give each one 5K? Or would you take into account the selflessness and outrageously high cost of raising a child through college and tip the scale towards the parent?

I think maybe you can tell which way I lean, but I know that there are strong counter arguments.

If you’re childless and found out your parents gave your sibling more money than you in their estate plans, how would you feel? Would you feel as if they didn’t value your life as much as theirs? Or would you understand that grandchildren were factored in?

What about an opposite situation, where parents support a single, childless adult daughter more than another one who had the benefit of a husband’s income? Do singles deserve more support than those who married and raised children?

Curious for your thoughts.

N/A

~ MaryG ~ 15 Comments

How do you balance work and home life?

This prompt is N/A (not applicable) to a retired person.

Sometimes I have to wrack my brain to remember what day of the week it is, when I wake up in the morning. As other retirees know well, you want to take advantage of weekdays to do stuff like grocery shopping, when other people are busy at work. I had to learn this lesson the hard way over the past year. I messed-up several times. I specifically remember fighting for a parking spot at Costco in tax-free Nashua on a busy Saturday last year when the lightbulb went on: Why on earth would anyone go to Costco on a weekend unless they had to?

Back when I was working and raising children, work-life balance wasn’t a huge problem for me. I mostly worked as a part-time consultant/contractor, except at the very end of my career when I went full-time. I liked my job a lot and was happy to leave suburbia and go to the city a couple times a week. I especially liked going out to lunch with my work friends, most of whom had no children. It was great to talk about non-mom things with other adults. They couldn’t have cared less about the outcome of travel soccer try-outs or which kids were recommended for Honors Math.

One of the biggest issues for me back then was traffic. Getting back to the suburbs from my Boston office could take over 2 hours on a bad day. It was hell. I got involved in several road rage incidents. I was sometimes late to pick-up my son at his afterschool program.

In conclusion, if the powers that be want to help people have work-life balance they should fix traffic. And retirees should stay the heck out of the way and do their errands at 11am on Wednesday.

The 10 US Cities With the Worst Traffic:
1. New York
2. Chicago
3. Los Angeles
4. BOSTON
5. Philadelphia
6. Miami
7. Houston
8. Atlanta
9. Washington
10. Seattle

Internet Wisdom

~ MaryG ~ 9 Comments

One good thing about social media and the general interconnectedness of the whole world online is that you can access “group think” so easily.

If you’re feeling a certain way about something, there’s definitely someone out there that knows exactly what you mean.

I’m still not over the high family drama that I experienced in January.

Thank goodness the internet gets it.

Dance Camp

~ MaryG ~ 23 Comments

I’ve made my first questionable decision of 2026.

I’ve registered and paid for a five-day dance retreat in Maine in August.

I’ve been hearing about “Ferry Beach” from my fellow Unitarian Universalists for decades. This mythical coastal retreat center has transformed many a life. They’ve got retreats for everything from Yoga, to Women’s Healing, to Buddhism. My church friend Ron, who leads our monthly Sacred Circle Dance, is co-leading a week-long Sacred Circle Dance retreat. I brought the flyer home and stuck it on the refrigerator about a month ago.

With my husband’s knee replacement recovery taking for fucking ever, we have zero travel plans. Nothing booked. Nothing to look forward to. And I have no idea when or what type of travel he’s going to be up for.

This led me to Dance Camp. I tried to convince my two friends from high school that I rarely get to see to join me there, but so far, no dice.

So…I went ahead and registered for five nights by myself in the mythical UU retreat center. Dancing 5 hours a day with strangers, could be a terrible idea. I mean, I like our monthly dance, but this is going to be waaaay more than that. There’s a chance I might hate it and bail out after a night or two.

In any case, I’ll have finally experienced Ferry Beach.

Sunday Selfie

~ MaryG ~ 33 Comments

I have been trying to figure out how to do my makeup for an outdoor photo session with my daughter’s family next weekend. I don’t wear much makeup these days and I want to use the products I already have, rather than buy more stuff. So, I did an inventory on the products I already own and made a list. I asked ChatGPT to make recommendations based on the list. It made me a step-by-step guide and I basically followed it.

I’m going to be 61 in a couple weeks and this is what I look like with some makeup. My grey hair is pretty minimal. (I don’t use hair color.) I’ve never tried Botox or had any cosmetic surgery. I did try eyelash extensions once, but that was many years ago.

I think I look pretty good, but I just ordered an eyelash curler. (I haven’t used one of those in decades. Hopefully they’re safer now.) I think that might help boost the mascara a bit.

I could not resist googling which Mar-a-lago Ladies are my exact age (born in 1965) and it turns out that RFK Jr’s wife—the actress Cheryl Hines— is 60 also.

IMO, her face looks relatively natural compared to some of them.

See Mar-a-lago Face

Too beautiful to paint

~ MaryG ~ 6 Comments

I was lucky to visit the two most iconic US national parks over the last few years—Grand Canyon and Yellowstone.

I’m now realizing that trying to paint landscapes based on any of those photos is just going to be frustrating. Those views are just too beautiful to be rendered by an amateur painter. I should just be happy I got so many great photos with my cell phone. My pics take me back to the actual feeling of awe.

I want to try another landscape at some point, but need to try something more humble.

Really not happy with this. I’ll keep it out as a way of hopefully learning from it.
This area is called “Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone” in Yellowstone National Park.

30 Greatest Songwriters

~ MaryG ~ 25 Comments

I heard the NYT “30 Greatest Living Songwriters” piece described on TV as a “last gasp of legacy media” to remain relevant. Maybe so. But hey, I’m a dedicated consumer of legacy media—and no publication has had more cultural sway in my 60 years than The New York Times.

So, for a fun activity on Mother’s Day, my son, my husband and I went through the list. We listened to a song or two by most of the songwriters.

The main things to know are that the list is unranked and has some crazy juxtapositions. For example, Young Thug comes immediately after Dolly Parton. Also, some of these folks did not perform their own songs, so they are less familiar.

I have seen many posts about all the songwriters—including Billy Joel—who did not make the list, which I agree with. (He should’ve been on it.)

But as we know—art is subjective. One person’s masterpiece is elevator music to another.

Artists I enjoyed listening to that I didn’t really know before: Missy Elliot and Stephin Merritt.

Artist I forced my son to listen to because she is a legend he should know: Carole King

Artist none of us had ever heard of: Diane Warren

Gift share of the article here.

Who’s not on it that you think should have been? (And remember, they have to still be alive. My husband was pissed David Bowie isn’t on it, but sadly he died at 69 in 2016.)

Great American Bitch

~ MaryG ~ 12 Comments

Of course I watched Suffs on public television (PBS’ “Great Performances”) last night. I’ve had it on my calendar for months, and I saw about 25 ads for it on social media yesterday, and a friend called to remind me about it.

Created by Tony Award winner Shaina Taub, this musical recorded from Broadway tells the story of the American suffragist movement and the remarkable friendships, heartbreak, and action that brought women together—or, in some cases, tore them apart.

It’s going to air again tonight at 8pm on PBS. Watch it or record it, if you can.

I will never again call them Suffragettes. They were suffragists.

Hopefully all the Tradwife influencers will decide to take a break from serving their husbands and tune in.

Watch my favorite number from Act I here: Great American Bitch

UPDATE: SUFFS is now available to watch on YouTube.

Year of the Knee — update 2

~ MaryG ~ 23 Comments

My husband is just about 8 weeks post-op from his second total knee replacement (and it has been a real bitch of a recovery), BUT I am pleased to report he walked the first mile of my walk with me yesterday without too much pain. That was the first time he’s walked a mile since last summer. He had walked a half-mile with me on Wednesday and it was OK, but he went faster and it felt better yesterday.

He’s still got swelling and using ice a lot, but now he can take Advil or Aleve which was not allowed for the first 6+ weeks. He still needs Oxy some, but not as much. Weed gummies for pain relief and sleep have helped. Yay cannabis.

I can feel a battle brewing between us over footwear. I’m a walker—usually 2-4 miles per day. Even though I never ever break into a run, I wear running shoes. I’ve been purchasing a new pair of ASICS-Gel Cumulus sneakers ever year for the past ten years, ever since my doctor told me I needed to replace my shoes more often.

This is my latest pair.

They are comfortable and in my opinion, COOL. Right? Both of my kids said they liked them, unprompted. Well, my husband hates shoes like this. He thinks they are dorky. He always wears black VANS, which in my opinion are too flat and not cushiony enough for walking with his new knees. I want him to get shoes like mine, but he thinks he’s too cool to wear dorky running shoes. I’m hoping the physical therapist comes out on my side.

Here we are in Yellowstone National Park in 2024 (pre knee replacements) in our usual footwear—me in ASICS, him in VANS. He thinks he looks way cooler than me, based on the shoes.

Astronaut

~ MaryG ~ 10 Comments

What’s a job you would like to do for just one day?

Given the success and inspirational nature of the Artemis 2 mission, I’d have to go Astronaut.

I wouldn’t want to do any of the preparation or training (I’m prone to vertigo) but just beam me up, Scotty, to a window seat, for one day so I can see the coolest views ever.

It would have to be a day when very little is required of the crew, because I’m not good at incapable of running science experiments or flying aircraft. I could probably handle photography duty for one day and also I’d be good at the PR stuff. I could call Houston and talk to the media from space with great enthusiasm.

Photo of the lunar flyby captured by the Artemis 2 astronauts

Can you imagine how mind blowing it would be to see that for real?