turning sixty

Next size up, please

~ MaryG ~ 10 Comments

I’ve never been one to wildly fluctuate in weight. I’m tall and naturally thin—or at least I was.

I was 5’ 8” and about 118 pounds as a senior in high school, with a tiny waist and relatively big boobs. I had the ideal 80s body. (I had no ass, but that was fine back in pre-Kardashians America.)

I remember a woman came up to me at a pool where I was lifeguarding once and said “How do you DO that? Like really, how do you have that body? Do you do aerobics or what?” She truly wanted to know my secret. (I had no secret. I did not exercise. And I ate plenty of crap. I was just young and tall.)

Over the decades my weight has crept up—about ten pounds per decade. No big leaps or losses other than during and after my two pregnancies.

Doctors now are never concerned about my weight. I’m well within the normal range for my height and age, but I’m not skinny anymore. I’m average.

Yet…I’ve been clinging to some old clothing sizes. I want to be a medium (not a large) in some basic items like t-shirts and underwear, but I’m not. I’m just not. Large is way more comfortable. I’m a size 10 now in dresses (despite many years of wearing size 6 or 8).

So, at 18 days from sixty, I’ve tossed a bunch of old bras and underwear and replaced them with the next size up. I’m never gonna be that old size again. I put a couple of size 8 dresses on a resale website and bought a new size 10 dress for a wedding I’m going to in July.

I don’t think I look bad, really. I’m just older. I don’t have it in me to exercise like crazy or take one of those new-fangled weight loss drugs. I’m just going to be the size I am now and hopefully stay healthy. And comfortable.

Cheryl Tiegs on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue in 1983–the year I was a senior in high school. She was the mainstream beauty ideal at the time.

Birthdays not a given

~ MaryG ~ 12 Comments

I and all of my high school and college classmates are turning 60 this year.

It’s interesting to see how people are marking the occasion. It looks like a lot of trips (and some parties), but mostly trips. People want to travel at 60, while their health is still good and the expenses of child-rearing are mostly behind them.

Today would’ve been my college friend Carla’s 60th birthday, but she didn’t make it. She died at 57 from a brain tumor. She was perfectly healthy and absolutely gorgeous, until that dumb tumor.

I wonder if she would’ve taken a special trip.

Shortly before she got sick, Carla shared this photo of her beautiful grey hair. She never colored it. It was just naturally gorgeous like her.

New Year’s feelings

~ MaryG ~ 15 Comments

This New Year’s is getting me down. I had so hoped that 2025, the year I turn 60, would be the year we’d finally stop seeing his ridiculous orange face and hearing his racist, lying voice forever. I had thought if we could just get through the November election, he’d fade from our consciousness. I worked hard to try to make that happen.

Instead, the shitshow continues. All the anger, fear and bitterness of the past nine years is back. I’m suspicious of old friends who seem to blame all their problems on immigrants. I’m worried that racism or god forbid—gun violence—is going to affect my family. I’m so sad for the planet. I’m scared that our new leaders are truly just self-dealers.

I used to want to try to make the world a better place for all our children and grandchildren. Now I just want to try to protect my own children and grandchild in whatever way I can.

All the expansive positivity, American pride, and hopefulness for all women I felt watching Kamala Harris accept her nomination for president is gone.

I am taking solace in the unparalleled personal, private, internal joy of becoming a grandmother. Maybe my love for this one child will save me.

The first time I got to hold my granddaughter was magical. I loved her immediately. (Photo taken by my daughter 9.24.24)