grief

Painful anniversary

~ MaryG ~ 9 Comments

It’s painful to go back and read this post from about a year ago—the day after Kamala Harris accepted the Democratic nomination for President of the United States. I had cried during her acceptance speech.

After so many months of dread and fear, I finally let myself feel hope and optimism for the future. My little granddaughter would be coming into a world where a woman of color was President, women’s rights to their own bodies would be restored, protecting our planet would be an international mission, and hate and racism would recede.

The Hillary Clinton nightmare would not repeat itself. It couldn’t.

I even bought my soon-to-arrive precious granddaughter a Harris-Walz onesie that said “For a Brighter Tomorrow.”

My daughter put my granddaughter in the onesie one time in early January, just so I could see it on her.

I had been imagining that we might get together and watch Kamala’s inauguration as a family. I imagined it would be a day of great joy.

Blue Christmas

~ MaryG ~ 14 Comments

More and more churches are offering a “Blue Christmas” service for people struggling during the holiday season. The holidays aren’t the easiest time for everyone, and there are many possible reasons why people might be feeling “blue” during the holidays. Grief is a big one.

My Unitarian Universalist church offered a Blue Christmas service on Tuesday. It was offered both in-person and on Zoom, which is so nice for our elderly and/or homebound members.

I’m not feeling particularly blue this year, so I didn’t go, but it’s good to know that these mixed feelings about the holidays are acknowledged and supported by my community. I’m sure some year I will want to go. The blues come for everyone.

My thoughts are with one particular friend who is missing her late, loving husband so terribly this season. 💙

My Christmas tree last night

Naked Despair

~ MaryG ~ 15 Comments

I encountered a lot of naked despair, grief and anger at church today. I belong to a liberal Unitarian Universalist church outside of Boston. Many people were absolutely wrecked over the election results, including the minister.

We have many older members (I guess that includes me now at nearly 60) who have been fighting for all types of causes for decades, from the climate crisis to abortion. My church helped lead the marriage equality movement in Massachusetts. (We were the very first state in the country to legalize gay marriage in 2004–twenty years ago!) During the fight, our then minister refused to perform weddings in our beautiful historic church until same-sex marriage was legal. He really took a stand and it helped move things forward. Shortly after the law was passed, he married two longtime beloved church members—two women—in front of of the entire congregation. It was euphoric.

Anyway, I was doing OK at church, holding up pretty well, until the music director played John Lennon’s Imagine during the offertory. Oh man, hearing that just broke me (and a bunch of other people too). She was playing it beautifully on the grand piano (with no vocalist) but of course everyone in our congregation knows the words and was quietly singing along.

The dream has never felt further away. 😢

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Time to Circle the Wagons

2034

~ MaryG ~ 16 Comments
Daily writing prompt
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
View all responses

This is an OK prompt for a younger person, but for people pushing 60, ten more years is not a given. I hope to be alive and in good health in 2034. I hope the United States is still a functioning democracy.

By the time you make it to my age, you’ve lost people too soon (and by “too soon,” I mean younger than 80), primarily to cancer, but also to other diseases, accidents, and the so-called “deaths of despair” — addiction or suicide. Memories flood up. People share their stories. Those who remain must carry on. You help as best you can.

Betsy – kind

Merry – promising

Chuck – passionate

Ben – pillar

Carolyn – family

Richard – leader

Paul – engaging

Carla – love

Doug – fun

Jerry – brilliant

Carole – fierce

Carla and me

Related post:

Pay attention to the journey