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Sitting in the yard
With our comfy hoodies on
Keep this memory
Haiku: Grandparents
grandmothers
The great joy of family 2.0
Yesterday we got together at my daughter’s house in central Massachusetts. My son drove out from his new apartment in the city. My daughter cooked a lovely meal for us. My granddaughter was able to sit at the table with us in her high chair. She watched us eat and talk and occasionally dropped one of her plastic stacking rings on the floor for someone to retrieve.
There were six of us around the table. And I loved it so much. My heart is full.
Grandmother love
Before I became a grandmother, I asked a couple of people to describe how it felt to have a grandchild. I wanted to know exactly how it felt, as compared to becoming a parent. Do you love the grandchild just as much as your own children? Or is it a little bit less…like a “once removed” sort of feeling? How did you feel during labor & delivery? Do you worry about the baby’s health and safety constantly, like you did with your own children, or are you able to leave the worrying to the parents? Would you throw yourself in front of a moving train (or jump into the shark tank at the aquarium) to save a grandchild? Did you love the grandchild immediately (like a parent does) or do they need to grow on you over time?
Inquiring minds wanted to know!
To be honest, I never got a good, straightforward, detailed answer. Everyone just said things like “it’s amazing.” Some said, “it’s even better than being a parent.” My own mother said it was “exciting.” (Gee mom, that’s all you got? Not much of a description!) My sister-in-law said she “just wanted to cry.”
So, I’m going to go ahead and answer my own questions for other inquiring minds:
Do you love your grandchild just as much as your own children?
Yes. And I felt love the minute I saw the detailed ultrasound pics, with a clear little head and hands. It was primal. I wanted to cry. And the feeling of holding my child’s child for the first time was like…experiencing the greatest gift the universe has to offer. There’s no emoji for it!
Or is it a little bit less…like a “once removed” sort of feeling?
No, it’s not a once removed feeling. It’s actually doubled, because you love their parent so much too. It’s like you love each of them individually and you also love & celebrate the parent/child “couple.” I like happy pictures of my daughter and granddaughter together almost as much as cute pics of the baby alone.
How did you feel during labor & delivery?
Extremely anxious! Not going to lie—it was not fun! It may be worse when it’s your own daughter in labor.
Do you worry about the baby’s health and safety constantly, like you did with your own children, or are you able to leave the worrying to the parents?
Fortunately my granddaughter was born healthy to two responsible parents, so I do not worry about her healthy and safety constantly. But I do worry. I worry about infectious diseases and environmental toxins. I also worry about car accidents.
Would you throw yourself in front of a moving train to save a grandchild, if you had to?
Yes
Do you love the grandchild immediately (like a parent does) or do they need to grow on you over time?
For me, it was immediate.
My granddaughter is just under six months old, so that’s my report for now!
The Circle Game
Today my baby girl turns 30 and I am verklempt 🥺. When I turned thirty, I had the cutest little 4-month old baby girl. And now history is repeating itself and my daughter has the sweetest little 4-month old baby girl. It’s a joy and a blessing almost too poignant for words. It’s like once you have a child of your own, you finally understand how much your mother loves you.
Joni Mitchell’s song The Circle Game keeps playing in my head and bringing a tear.
Yesterday a child came out to wonder
Caught a dragonfly inside a jar
Fearful when the sky was full of thunder
And tearful at the falling of a star
Then the child moved ten times round the seasons
Skated over ten clear frozen streams
Words like when you’re older must appease him
And promises of someday make his dreams
And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We’re captive on the carousel of time
We can’t return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game
Sixteen springs and sixteen summers gone now
Cartwheels turn to car wheels thru the town
And they tell him take your time it won’t be long now
Till you drag your feet to slow the circles down
And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We’re captive on the carousel of time
We can’t return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game
So the years spin by and now the boy is twenty
Though his dreams have lost some grandeur coming true
There’ll be new dreams maybe better dreams and plenty
Before the last revolving year is through
And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We’re captive on the carousel of time
We can’t return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game
© March 22, 1966; R. Joan Mitchell, then August 22, 1966; Gandalf Pub Co
What exactly did he say?
From People magazine:
The Republican vice presidential candidate said that having a grandparent around the house made his son “a much better human being.” He continued, “And the evidence on this, by the way, is, like, super clear.“
“That’s the whole purpose of the postmenopausal female in theory,” Weinstein interjects, as Vance says, “Yes.”
As a post-menopausal female, I can tell you that seeing my granddaughter once a week (and providing my daughter a bit of support by way of groceries, baked goods, diaper changing, etc) IS the greatest joy in my life right now.
Have I told you how absolutely adorable my granddaughter is??? I miss her the minute I get home. She is just the cutest little snuggle bunny ever! And her mommy is doing such a great job taking care of her, that I can truly just do the fun stuff like look at board books with her, stage monthly thematic photo shoots, and dance with her in the kitchen.
I know that I have been given a great gift in that I had the financial ability to retire “early” at about the same time I became a grandma. And also, that my daughter and her family live nearby.
So back to JD. I don’t like him. He’s an arrogant little shit who reminds me of the worst millennial coworkers I ever had. (They think they know everything.) But, unlike some of my friends, I’m just gonna let that particular comment go. We have much bigger problems now.
Haiku: Babylove
Perfect little hand
A bubble of love surrounds
Baby brings such joy
New Year’s feelings
This New Year’s is getting me down. I had so hoped that 2025, the year I turn 60, would be the year we’d finally stop seeing his ridiculous orange face and hearing his racist, lying voice forever. I had thought if we could just get through the November election, he’d fade from our consciousness. I worked hard to try to make that happen.
Instead, the shitshow continues. All the anger, fear and bitterness of the past nine years is back. I’m suspicious of old friends who seem to blame all their problems on immigrants. I’m worried that racism or god forbid—gun violence—is going to affect my family. I’m so sad for the planet. I’m scared that our new leaders are truly just self-dealers.
I used to want to try to make the world a better place for all our children and grandchildren. Now I just want to try to protect my own children and grandchild in whatever way I can.
All the expansive positivity, American pride, and hopefulness for all women I felt watching Kamala Harris accept her nomination for president is gone.
I am taking solace in the unparalleled personal, private, internal joy of becoming a grandmother. Maybe my love for this one child will save me.
Whacky Mom Confession
For those of you who successfully raised kids who are now independent young adults in their 20s and 30s, well done. It’s a heavy lift. From sleepless nights to FAFSAs, it’s not easy. I mean just keeping them fed, clean and alive for 18 years is a major undertaking.
People are understandably proud of their adult kids. They worked so hard to get them to that point!
I think it’s that primal, arduous journey of parenthood that makes becoming a grandparent the most incredible blessing imaginable, and I am not someone who typically uses the word blessing. But having a beautiful, healthy baby grandchild in your arms, smiling up at you, is like walking through a field of flowers on a sunny day with a double rainbow overhead. It’s pure joy. Pure love.
OK, here’s the whacky confession. After spending the day with my perfect baby granddaughter (and her lovely mommy) yesterday, I missed the baby the second I got home. So I requested that my 6-foot 180-pound 23-year old son—MY baby— briefly sit in my lap like when he was small. He obliged. He knows it’s easier to just humor me than to argue.
Sweet Potato Pie and Sausage Stuffing
Do you or your family make any special dishes for the holidays?
We officially took over hosting Thanksgiving from my parents a few years ago, as they are now both 85+. The two things I make the day before Thanksgiving (today) are sweet potato pies and sausage stuffing.
Since my sweet potato pie recipe (with photos) is linked above, I’m going to write up my sausage stuffing recipe for posterity. It comes from my mother, who got it from her mother, who probably got it from her mother. Long live the matriarchy.
Mom’s Turkey Stuffing
Brown two 16oz roll packages of pork sausage (Jimmy Dean, Jones Farm, etc) with one large cut-up onion in a Dutch Oven.
Break up into small pieces a stale-ish loaf of bread and combine it with the sausage mixture. (If the bread is too fresh, it doesn’t work well. You can leave your bread out the night before to dry it out a bit.)
Add 1-2 teaspoons Bell’s poultry seasoning and salt & pepper to taste.
Add water, if needed, to moisten the mixture.
Keep in the refrigerator overnight and stuff the bird in the morning.
Whatever doesn’t fit in the turkey, can be baked in a casserole dish until hot.
Happy Thanksgiving 🦃🍁
Sleeping baby therapy
I am continuing my weekly grandma snuggling sessions with my adorable granddaughter and I really wish everyone had such an amazing option. I know she won’t be so sleepy forever, and that we will be doing a lot of fun, active stuff in the future, but for now, this is perfect. She is perfect. Her mom and dad are doing such a great job taking care of her, there’s not all that much else to do. Snuggling is Job One.
The best is when she falls into a very deep sleep on me and stays that way for a couple of hours. When she’s awake, she is very cute and smiley, but there’s only so long you can stay awake when you’re busy growing so fast!
For all the folks dreading dealing with MAGA relatives on Thanksgiving, I recommend yesterday’s post in The Brevity Blog by guest blogger Andrea Tate, as well as her original, viral day-after-the-election piece in The Huffington Post. There’s nothing normal about any of this.
50 Happens 