Nobody disagreed with me that Suzanne should be fired, but she could not be fired immediately. There’s a process, starting with “corrective actions” and yada yada yada. Only extremely “egregious” acts can result in immediate firing. Apparently, scolding a colleague like a child for interrupting, while being berated for doing something they were told to do, isn’t egregious enough.
I had already made a decision to leave, if Suzanne were not fired, so that was that. I feel good about it. I’m too old to put up with toxic bullshit like that.
Now I’ve got two weeks to wrap-up and say goodbye to 18 years worth of relationships and memories. As my wise friend Gail said, “I know you have mostly enjoyed your job and coworkers. Hold onto that because that was just as real.❤️”
I’m not a big animal lover. I mean, I love the animal kingdom, especially the giraffes, but I don’t love having animals in the house.
I’ve had pets over the years. We grew up with a husky that we adopted when my mother’s tennis partner moved to Dallas, where it was deemed too hot for a cold weather breed. His name was Bunky. He was OK.
Then, when I was young and single, I agreed to take a really cute kitten from my sister’s cat’s litter. Kimba was beautiful, like Kimba the White Lion, but so so bad. I’ll never forget the time he jumped up on my refrigerator in my tiny studio apartment and nudged the antique toaster off of it. The toaster was plugged in and an arc of blue sparks flew through the air as the cord separated from the appliance.
Then, in 1993, I married a cat person. He had his own sweet little black cat named Sticky (Stick for short). He named her Sticky because she stuck to things, like curtains and pant legs. Sticky and Kimba learned to live together, but were never really friends.
Then, when my daughter was five and an only child, we got a dog. Teddy was a purebred Sheltie. He was nuts. The mailman was afraid of him. He ripped up our outdoor furniture. My daughter loved him, but then we had another child. I just did not trust this dog around the baby. One day, I accidentally stepped on Teddy’s tail while he was sleeping and he bit my foot — right through my canvas sneaker. That was it. I didn’t think it was safe to keep him any longer, so we gave him to a Sheltie rescue organization. That was rough.
This brings me to my last and best pet Cricket. Cricket was a moon-faced, greenish grey striped kitty that we adopted from a shelter in Lowell when the kids were both in grade school. They really loved her and so did my husband. She would sit in his lap at night and I could just see that stroking her was probably lowering his blood pressure. There were clear benefits for him.
It was tough when she needed to be put down during COVID after we’d spent a fortune on veterinary surgery to try to correct a problem with her back. I had to make the final decision to end her life because my husband loved her too much. She was a good pet. Our sweet Cricket.
A portrait of Cricket that hangs on our wall: a thoughtful gift from my daughter to my husband
I’m not a big podcast listener, but I discovered “Smartless” on a long car ride a couple of years ago and have enjoyed quite a few episodes.
It’s basically three GenX guys — Will Arnett, Jason Bateman and Sean Hayes — talking and laughing. They bring on a special guest for each episode who is a surprise to two of the three hosts.
As you might imagine, they’re very well-connected and are able to bring in some pretty amazing guests. I listened to them talk with Paul Simon recently — a true living legend — and they somehow managed to show him great respect, while eliciting some wonderful personal stories and occasionally breaking into bits of his iconic songs.
Arnett is Canadian and is the most typically male of the three. He’s got a deep voice and you get the impression he definitely knows how to change a tire. Bateman is a rare bird — a Hollywood child star who became a successful adult actor. Best known for playing Jack on Will & Grace, Hayes is gay and so very talented and funny. He’s also a concert-level pianist and Broadway star.
I’m not sure if I’d like the podcast as much without Hayes. He adds a perspective that the other two don’t have. I can’t help but think back to high school when a guy like Hayes—clearly gay—would’ve been mercilessly bullied by guys like Arnett and Bateman. They never would’ve hung out together in the 80s. It’s nice to see how straight men have evolved.
The podcast is so successful that they went on tour with a stage version of it, which is now a documentary you can watch on Max.
I always liked reading, and writing was OK too. As a senior in high school, I took a class called Humanities, which looked at different periods through literature, art, and music. It was co-taught by a team of three teachers.
The class was only for seniors and everyone had to do a final project. We did them in groups. My two best friends and I wrote and performed a play entitled “I Hate Funeral Homes.” As best I can remember, it was about three high school friends meeting up at their 15th reunion. So we were 18-year olds pretending to be 33-year olds, which seemed very old at the time. We had each taken different paths in our lives since high school—one of us was married, one divorced, and one was something else I can’t remember.
One of the themes of the play was how people don’t really listen to each other. Instead, they’re always thinking about what they’ll say next. So the lines were a series of non-sequiturs starting with “I Hate Funeral Homes.”
I don’t remember much else about the play except my costume, which was a black taffeta pantsuit. I was supposed to be the rich one. It was my first pantsuit, but not my last.
So, yeah, English was my favorite subject in school, but writing and performing a play with my best friends is my favorite memory.
The cast of “I Hate Funeral Homes” celebrating our 50th birthdays together in New Orleans
The update is that there’s really no update. I haven’t heard anything since Monday, when I told Laura that I think Suzanne should be fired.
Laura says she’s going to call me tomorrow to “check-in.”
I really just want to know that my claim of a toxic work environment is being taken seriously — like they’re really looking into it. Because it was very real to me. Suzanne has been such a royal pain in the ass for the past SIX years. I’ve endured the worst boss of my life for six whole years, in my fifties for godsakes.
I want to know that HR connected all the dots from past complaints about Suzanne to my situation. She’s had angry outbursts and run-ins with many people and I want HR to talk to them to get the whole picture of how she acts at work. And I want them to take a look at the exit interviews of Kathy’s three predecessors.
At one point, I remember the organization paid for Suzanne to attend a really expensive management training program, because so many people were having problems with her. (It didn’t work.)
I want her toxicity noted/documented over a period of time.
For my part, I’ve already quit Suzanne. I just decline all meetings she’s attending and have stopped all contact with her. I’m just doing my own work and not worrying about her.
But my ear is still ringing loudly. This is stressful.
I called Suzanne’s boss (Laura) to let her know that I had made a decision. Being scolded like a child in front of a colleague for doing something she told me to do was the very last straw for me. (This is gaslighting by the way.) I’d rather leave the job I love than continue working for her.
Laura kept saying that there were no solutions because of the organization chart, like moving me to a different area was the only place her mind was going. She finally asked what I wanted done. I said that Suzanne has created a textbook toxic work environment for me and Kathy and should be fired.
That really took her aback. She was not expecting that. Her whole demeanor changed. She asked a few more specific details and told me it was OK to cancel out of all meetings with Suzanne this week. So now Laura will go to HR and they’ll investigate. I forwarded Laura a few emails in support of my case.
I’ve never done anything like this before. Never filed, or been part of, any type of HR investigation. It’s pretty stressful. The ringing in my right ear is back and very loudly. And I don’t feel hungry and can’t concentrate on my beloved TV shows.
Now it’s just wait and see. Will they or won’t they?
Invent a holiday! Explain how and why everyone should celebrate.
Facebook is always inventing holidays, like “National Daughters Day” or “National Sons Day.” They tend to make me feel annoyed. It’s like why would I randomly post a photo of my son, who doesn’t even have a Facebook? Everyone loves their kids — we know this. No extra holiday needed.
I think a lot of people need a lift these days, so what would make most people feel better? Hmmmmm… thinking….this is hard
I liked Obama’s “National Day of Service” idea, but I’ve honestly never participated in it. Earth Day is good too. Remember “Hands Across America” day? Another nice idea, but I don’t think it actually worked.
How about creating a national “I Can Swim” day? One thing I really hate reading about every summer is drownings. It’s so sad. Every kid in America should learn to swim. All barriers (cost, access to lessons, etc) should be removed. Every school district in America should have a public pool.
Maybe every kid (or adult) who passes the “I Can Swim” national test during a given year, gets celebrated on “I Can Swim” day with cake, balloons, presents and a big splash party at the community pool?
Yes, I’m liking this idea. Make “I Can Swim Day” as big of a deal as all the other growing up holidays like First Communion, Quinceañera or Bat/Bar Mitzvah. I can say with certainty that learning to swim has provided me with far more lifelong joy and safety than whatever I was made to memorize for my First Communion.
It’s weird how we spend most of our time on apps now, rather than websites. I barely use my personal laptop anymore. Two apps I look at a lot are Instagram and Jetpack. I love reading other bloggers’ answers to the WordPress daily prompt on Jet. Keep ‘em coming!
I mostly go to websites for news and interesting articles by great journalists. I look at The New York Times website quite frequently. And nothing beats The Atlantic for interesting articles by great writers.
It’s very frustrating that both websites have paywalls. As a subscriber, I wish I could share more articles with friends, but unless you send it as “a gift article” (which is inconvenient), people who aren’t subscribers can’t read it.
OK guys, a series of events at work this week has led me to a realization.
The unhinged woman I’ve had to report to since the merger six years ago (let’s call her Suzanne) scolded me like a child in front of a colleague for doing something she specifically asked me to do two weeks ago. Actually, she scolded me for interrupting her while she was berating me for doing something she specifically asked me to do two weeks ago. “I WILL NOT BE SPOKEN OVER IN A MEETING. WE WILL TALK ABOUT THIS ON THURSDAY.”
Following the meeting in which Suzanne wigged, the other colleague (let’s call her Kathy) and I requested a meeting with Suzanne’s boss (let’s call her Laura). Laura is new.
Kathy and I gave Laura the full rundown on Suzanne. Unhinged, irrational, disorganized. Other departments have started to avoid us because of her. Laura listened. I don’t think she was totally surprised, but I also don’t think she understood the extent of Suzanne’s shortcomings. She said she would “give it a think.” The organization is a bit of a mess right now, so I’m not sure if Laura will know what to do with this information, but she seems like she’ll try to do something.
But here’s the realization. I’m done reporting to Suzanne. For me, her latest outburst was the last straw, not the first offense. No matter what course of action upper management proposes, I’m not interested in any type of apology, or meeting of the minds, or negotiated peace. I’ve already been through that with her. I’m too old for this shit. She’s not good for my mental health.
I do love the organization and the job. I’ve been with them 18 years in all – consultant, part-time and now full-time. I’m going to tell Laura I’d love to stay, if I can report to someone else. If Laura can’t make that happen, I’m going to wrap-up my time there. I’m done with Suzanne as a supervisor. I don’t want the job badly enough to deal with her any longer.
We’ll see what happens next week. I think there’s a decent chance they’ll comply with my wishes, but who knows? They’re all new.
Early retirement here I come?
View from in front of our hotel in Grand Canyon Village, June 2023
I am fascinated by all the events portrayed in Episode 8 of Impeachment: American Crime Story.
From Hillary’s “Stand by Your Man” interview following Gennifer Flowers’ press conference, to poor Monica Lewinsky’s merciless questioning by Ken Starr’s team of horndogs, to a super awkward dinner at Vernon Jordan’s house on Martha’s Vineyard, this episode covers a LOT. So many moments where you can only imagine what was actually said in private. Oh, to be a fly on the wall.
Edie Falco as Hillary “takes off her Bill-size blinders and confronts the brutally unfair situation in which she finds herself: The public face of her husband’s lies. When she finally lets rip, it’s clear why the role needs Falco. “You are chaos. You are mayhem,” she screams as she pegs him with a bouquet of fresh flowers. “You lit our life on fire,” she adds tearily. How do you play an outrageously angry and resentful woman who already knows that she won’t leave? That she can’t? Falco injects pathos into a decision popularly regarded as calculating.Vulture
I do love a power couple! So many consequences flow from their actions and emotions. (I think Al Gore might’ve won the 2000 election, if it wasn’t for this mess.)
Catherine the Great & Potemkin, Queen Victoria & Prince Albert, Eleanor & FDR are other power couples I’ve enjoyed thinking about. And I love TV shows about them.
Edie Falco and Clive Owen as Bill and Hillary Clinton in Impeachment: American Crime Story.
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