Fifty

My 50th Birthday

~ MaryG ~ 9 Comments

Share one of the best gifts you’ve ever received.

My dear friend Susan made my 50th birthday special. (She makes every occasion special.) Not only did she help me plan a dinner in a restaurant, but she also invited my guests back to her home afterwards. She and her lovely daughter created thoughtful touches like chocolate covered strawberries, a sign, and birthday confetti. I really felt special!

And then, on top of that, Susan gave me my first Apple Watch. A very generous and EXCITING gift! It was June 2015 and Apple had just come out with watches that spring. I remember they seemed so weird and futuristic at the time. I really didn’t understand what they were or how they worked, but it was so cool to have one of my own! It was silver with a white sport band. I’m sure I never would’ve bought one for myself (or I would’ve taken many more years to try one).

It was a very exciting gift and I ended up loving Apple Watches. I’ve upgraded to new models several times. As I’ve mentioned, I’m a good candidate for digital health products. I’m motivated to “close my rings” daily and I like getting the colorful little “medals” for special challenges. I was thrilled when Apple came out with the waterproof version, so I could wear it in the pool and get “credit.”

So, not only was it a generous and thoughtful gift, but I truly believe it’s helped me stay healthy in my fifties.

Thanks Susan. I love you!

My 50th birthday sign in Susan’s apartment
Special touches by Susan 💕

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Digital health target audience

Pay attention to the journey

~ MaryG ~ 19 Comments
Daily writing prompt
How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?
View all responses

“Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.”

Is that actually a John Lennon quote or does it just get attributed to him? I don’t know.

In any case, I think that’s the lesson you learn – again and again.

Through age 50 or so, life seems to be all about achieving your goals. Education, career, marriage, home, children. Once you know your life is definitely more than half over (less than 1% of Americans live to 100), you start realizing that life isn’t so much about the destination (or goals achieved), as it is about the journey.

When my best friend from college died in 2022, shortly after realizing her lifelong dream of moving back to New Mexico, I was surprised by the depth of my grief. We didn’t see each other or talk often anymore, but we’d been extremely close for many years and she’d had a huge influence on me.

I got to visit her one last time in Santa Fe, when she was dying. I brought a lot of photos and we when we were scrolling through them, she said things like “we were so happy” and “we were so lucky.” And we were. But back then, we were always planning, dreaming, GOING. We didn’t realize that the good times we were in the midst of would be amongst the most cherished memories of our lives.

So my advice from the wise old age of 58 is to pay attention to the trip you’re on while it’s happening – and especially to your fellow travelers. That co-worker who always gives you great advice may turn out to have been one of the best mentors you ever had. That church you joined, only because you wanted to sing in a choir, might turn out to be your most important source of support in retirement. Those high school best friends that knew your family growing up may turn out be the people you can tell anything later in life because they know it all.

Goals are important, but it’s the unplanned “little” stuff you did along the way that you’ll remember. Pay attention to it all.

Good times with Carla in New Mexico in 1994, when she was about 7 months pregnant with her first child and absolutely glowing with happiness.

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The Golden Bachelor

~ MaryG ~ 5 Comments
Daily writing prompt
Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?
View all responses

This blog has been more about looking back. Nostalgia. Turning 50 will do that. At 50, you know that your life is likely more than half over. Only 0.02% of people in the United States live to be 100.

Now, with 50 in the rear view and 60 fast approaching, I’m paying much more attention to what older people are doing, rather than trying to keep up with the latest trends. (One of the great things about leaving my job in November was that I never had to learn the new software tool that they were about to roll out. It was supposedly going to make things easier, but was already causing fights.)

Yes, there are many hardships in aging, particularly health-related ones, and all the losses–friends, parents, spouses. If you were lucky and never felt true, aching grief before age 50, it’s coming and there’s really nothing you can do to prepare for it.

So, I was basically ABC’s target audience for The Golden Bachelor. I am not a card-carrying member of “Bachelor Nation,” but I did watch a couple seasons early on. I was captivated by Trista, the very first Bachelorette who is now 51(!) and happily married to Ryan, the guy she met on the show. I watched their wedding on live TV twenty years ago. The intervening seasons did not interest me, especially when the son of a friend was cast and I learned a bit about what goes on behind the scenes. Spoiler alert: nothing is real. All the situations are staged.

STILL, I could not resist The Golden Bachelor, which featured 72-year old widower Gerry and twenty-two women over 60 competing for his love. Many, including the “winner” Theresa (a widow), were over 70. Yes, there was a lot of cringe. Yet, I cried at Gerry & Theresa’s televised wedding last night. When their daughters spoke about how they wanted their parents to find happiness again, after such profound sorrow. Theresa’s daughter urged her mother to “put him first,” which seemed so generous given that Theresa is a highly-involved grandmother. The other thing that was inspiring was the (seemingly) real comraderie between the women. Even the runner-up (for lack of a better word), seemed truly happy to “celebrate love.”

So, thanks ABC. Looking back can be fun, but as Theresa said at one point, “there’s always something to look forward to.”

The golden couple

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I Hate Funeral Homes

~ MaryG ~ 6 Comments

What was your favorite subject in school?

My favorite subject in school was English.

I always liked reading, and writing was OK too. As a senior in high school, I took a class called Humanities, which looked at different periods through literature, art, and music. It was co-taught by a team of three teachers.

The class was only for seniors and everyone had to do a final project. We did them in groups. My two best friends and I wrote and performed a play entitled “I Hate Funeral Homes.” As best I can remember, it was about three high school friends meeting up at their 15th reunion. So we were 18-year olds pretending to be 33-year olds, which seemed very old at the time. We had each taken different paths in our lives since high school—one of us was married, one divorced, and one was something else I can’t remember.

One of the themes of the play was how people don’t really listen to each other. Instead, they’re always thinking about what they’ll say next. So the lines were a series of non-sequiturs starting with “I Hate Funeral Homes.”

I don’t remember much else about the play except my costume, which was a black taffeta pantsuit. I was supposed to be the rich one. It was my first pantsuit, but not my last.

So, yeah, English was my favorite subject in school, but writing and performing a play with my best friends is my favorite memory.

The cast of “I Hate Funeral Homes” celebrating our 50th birthdays together in New Orleans

Work Update 2

~ MaryG ~ 2 Comments

The update is that there’s really no update. I haven’t heard anything since Monday, when I told Laura that I think Suzanne should be fired.

Laura says she’s going to call me tomorrow to “check-in.”

I really just want to know that my claim of a toxic work environment is being taken seriously — like they’re really looking into it. Because it was very real to me. Suzanne has been such a royal pain in the ass for the past SIX years. I’ve endured the worst boss of my life for six whole years, in my fifties for godsakes.

I want to know that HR connected all the dots from past complaints about Suzanne to my situation. She’s had angry outbursts and run-ins with many people and I want HR to talk to them to get the whole picture of how she acts at work. And I want them to take a look at the exit interviews of Kathy’s three predecessors.

At one point, I remember the organization paid for Suzanne to attend a really expensive management training program, because so many people were having problems with her. (It didn’t work.)

I want her toxicity noted/documented over a period of time.

For my part, I’ve already quit Suzanne. I just decline all meetings she’s attending and have stopped all contact with her. I’m just doing my own work and not worrying about her.

But my ear is still ringing loudly. This is stressful.

The Double Name

~ MaryG ~ Leave a comment

Where did your name come from?

I was given a double name, like many other girls in my largely Catholic suburban Massachusetts hometown. It was very common in the 60s and 70s. We had a Mary Kay, a Mary Ellen, and a Mary Sue just on my tiny street. (My mother’s name is Sue, so at least mine made sense.)

In fifth grade, the teacher asked us to write our names on placards on our desks so that he could learn them. I wrote Mary so big that I had no room for Sue. He started calling me Mary and I just went with it and eventually dropped the Sue. It’s still my middle name though, which I like because it honors my mother.

Given that my last name is very difficult to spell and pronounce, I’m fine with having a boring, common first name that nearly everyone gets right off the bat.

“Mary Sue” in the 70s in our neighborhood full of girls with double names

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Why write?

~ MaryG ~ 2 Comments

What do you enjoy most about writing?

My earliest journal

I think I like to write mostly because it’s therapeutic. Getting some thoughts out of my head and onto “paper” helps me let them go and move on. I originally started this blog when I turned 50. Here’s a post I did then called “Why Blog?” Reading it now (8 years later), it still seems about right.

Also, I’ve always been a reader. I love fiction and memoirs. It seems that many people who really like to read also enjoy writing. The difference between me and a real writer is the discipline and dedication to craft. I’ve found some real writers here on WordPress using the “Discover” button on Jetpack. I loved this post by Jodi Lee Reifer. I’m not ready to tackle an essay like this about my own sister, but Jodi’s thoughts (so beautifully expressed) truly resonated.

The first entry: an account of my New Year’s Day, 1974

I like my porch

~ MaryG ~ 4 Comments

What do you love about where you live?

I have a screened-in porch, which I grew to appreciate during the pandemic. During those first three summers, I lugged an inflatable mattress out there because I wanted to have a comfortable place to read and smoke weed. I called it my flop bed. This year, I bought an actual chaise. It’s not quite as comfortable as the mattress, but it looks better.

Screens are key in New England due to the mosquitoes.

I like the nature sounds and tree view on my porch.

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Duck, Cover and Recirculate

~ MaryG ~ 1 Comment

Create an emergency preparedness plan.

I once told a friend that, in the event of a nuclear attack on Boston, my plan was to put the kids in the minivan, hit “recirculate” on the a/c, and drive west. Surely, “recirculate” would keep the radiation out of our air supply. She laughed.

By the way, I did not enjoy the film “Oppenheimer.” It’s too long and confusing and mostly about politics. I couldn’t keep all the white guys straight. I thought it would have been better as a miniseries, with new characters rolled out each week. The blast scene was cool though. Terrifyingly cool.