I was talking with a couple in their early 70s who have three adult children. One of them is extremely difficult and now finds herself amidst a divorce with no real skills, no money, and no job. This is despite the fact that she was raised with supportive parents and a great deal of privilege. Her parents (my friends) are now supporting her financially…as parents tend to do (if they are able).

My warning to them was this. Think of your relationship with your other children. It’s alienating to watch your parents continue to bail out an irresponsible person. (It’s even worse to get dragged into a sibling’s problems against your will.) Parents of adult fuck-ups need to consider what they may have done to create this needy person and stop doing it. Granted there are very real problems for which adults need assistance (i.e. addiction, illness), but at some point you just have to be fair.

If one of your children used your hard-earned money to go to college (and graduate on time), got a job, raised a family, pays her bills, pays her taxes, invites you to her home for countless holiday meals, etc. And the other one is constantly in crisis mode, with no responsibilities other than herself. Beware of your actions. The responsible ones are watching.