Beloved Community

Supporting Susan

~ MaryG ~ 12 Comments

We have a woman in our church choir with dementia or Alzheimer’s (not sure of her official diagnosis). She has a lovely singing voice. In fact, she was a music teacher at one point.

But Susan (not her real name) is getting worse. She has an extremely difficult time keeping track of her sheet music and the folder it lives in. Last Sunday, as we began to warm-up before the congregation arrived, she turned to me and said, “I have no idea why I’m standing here, but I was a music teacher once.” She gets upset when she doesn’t know what’s going on. She’s never caused a scene or melted down, but her anxiety is a real issue. She needs constant reassurance. And she can get snippy with people who are trying to help her.

Her partner Jim is a nice man who has already lost both of his adult daughters to diseases. He’s doing his best, but this has got to be really tough on him.

The plan now is to make a formal schedule whereby her fellow sopranos will take turns supporting her each week, so that nobody gets stuck doing it all the time. It’s going to mean showing up early, sitting with her, making sure she has music, reassuring her throughout the rehearsal and performance, and then making sure she gets back to Jim.

To be perfectly honest, I’m not looking forward to it. I never knew this woman before she had dementia. She’s not a family member of mine. I have no special fondness for her.

But clearly, I need to step up. That’s the whole point of church, especially Unitarian Universalist churches, where belief in God is optional. “Community” is the goal. I know that if I get dementia (or cancer or anything else), these people will support me. They are GOOD PEOPLE. Most are better than me. (I’m not just saying that. They really are.)

Here’s something Susan said to me in one of her sweeter moments: “I have a trick for when I don’t know what’s going on. I smile more.”

I’m going to try to remember that. Smile more. If she’s annoying me with her inability to follow along and constant questions, I’ll smile at her. She has a lovely smile. And so do I.

Selfie on the rail trail. I was trying to get a pic for a self-portrait for painting class.
Our rail trail yesterday

Smiling in annoying or uncomfortable situations might not help. But it can’t hurt. I think this might be a uniquely American thing.

Someday he will be gone

~ MaryG ~ 15 Comments

I think one of the hardest things about accepting Trump’s reelection is that it feels like a mortal wound to the idea of the “beloved community” that many of us 70s kids grew up with.

Popularized by Martin Luther King Jr, the “Beloved Community” is a global vision in which racism, poverty, and militarism are eradicated—a society based on justice, equal opportunity, and love of one’s fellow human beings. In King’s words, the Beloved Community was not utopian, but attainable through hard work and commitment to ethical principles and systemic change achieved through nonviolence.

Mr. Rogers brought that vision to life for those of us who were a bit too young to remember MLK when he was alive. Mr. Rogers (and also Sesame Street) taught us there’s a place for everyone in the neighborhood. It’s better to be kind than to win. Bullies were unequivocally bad. Even the cold old Catholic Church got nicer in the seventies when the reforms of Vatican 2 led to a focus on the New Testament—lots of felt banners and folk music.

And raise your hand if you remember Free to Be, You and Me. For those who don’t remember, it was a pioneering children’s album and television special created by Marlo Thomas in the early 1970s that promoted gender equality, individuality, and emotional expression. Featuring stars like Alan Alda and Diana Ross, it encouraged kids to reject traditional stereotypes and embrace who they are, becoming a cultural touchstone for a more inclusive generation. My sister and I listened to that album over and over again.

Someday Trump will be gone.

And on that day, I’m going to listen to Free to Be, You and Me from start to finish.

Full track list:

Free To Be… You And Me – The New Seekers

Boy Meets Girl – Mel Brooks & Marlo Thomas

When We Grow Up – Diana Ross

Don’t Dress Your Cat In An Apron – Billy De Wolfe

Parents Are People – Harry Belafonte & Marlo Thomas

Housework – Carol Channing

Helping – Tom Smothers

Ladies First – Marlo Thomas

Dudley Pippin And The Principal – Billy De Wolfe, Bob Morse & Marlo Thomas

It’s Alright To Cry – Rosey Grier

Sisters And Brothers – Voices of East Harlem

My Dog Is A Plumber – Dick Cavett

William’s Doll – Alan Alda & Marlo Thomas (probably the most memorable and groundbreaking track on the album)

Atalanta – Alan Alda & Marlo Thomas

Grandma – Diana Sands

Girl Land – Jack Cassidy & Shirley Jones

Dudley Pippin And His No-Friend – Bob Morse & Marlo Thomas

Glad To Have A Friend Like You – Marlo Thomas

Free To Be… You And Me (Reprise) – The New Seekers

Camping with the “Campfire Girls” in the mid 1970s, when the seeds of our hopes for a peaceful, inclusive, accepting world were planted.