Aging

Perspective shift

~ MaryG ~ 9 Comments

OK, I’m starting to sense a certain outlook change now that I’m 60.

I’m sure there are lots of people out there that start wonderful new adventures at age 60, but I think, for most of us, that feeling that the path is wide open is over. That “open road” feeling you had in your 20s, 30s & 40s—that life could still potentially take you anywhere—has passed.

If you haven’t already done it, you’re probably never going to:

—move to Paris

—became a famous musician

—join the Peace Corps

—become a doctor

—become so rich you never have to worry about money

—move to the other coast

—buy an RV and travel the country (actually, I think some people DO do that in their 60s)

—leave your spouse and run off with an old flame

—have children

—learn to cook

—get a graduate degree

—make the Olympic team

I’m not saying these things can’t happen in your sixties, but they usually don’t. Those big forks in the road are in the rearview mirror and your focus shifts to the twenty good years or so that you hopefully have left. Sadly, too many people are consumed by health and money worries in their 60s, but if you’re lucky enough to not have to worry about basic needs, you may want to return to fulfilling creative pursuits like painting or writing, or focusing on being fully present with family and friends, or traveling to your bucket list destinations.

The dreams are different now. And there are fewer of them.

My high school senior graduating class in 1983—when anything was possible

This is 60

~ MaryG ~ 14 Comments

I got all the way dressed up for a very elegant Boston wedding and had a wonderful time.

My tan is real (from outdoor swimming) and my hair is its natural color. I’ve never done Botox or had any cosmetic surgery (not that I’m ruling it out). But, in the spirit of the many women sharing “This is 60” pics on social media, I decided to share a few here on my blog.

This is 60, with a fun “up do” by a local stylist who took me at the last minute when the humidity reached about 85%.

I’m lucky that the grey is pretty much just around my temples now. Embracing truly grey hair is going to be a challenge.
I was even feeling good about taking pics with much younger, gorgeous women.
I’m fully indulging my “Gilded Age” fantasies here. (Is anyone else watching that series on Max?) Now, if John Singer Sargent could just come back to life and paint my portrait, my fantasy would be complete.

Related post:

Next size up, please

Next size up, please

~ MaryG ~ 10 Comments

I’ve never been one to wildly fluctuate in weight. I’m tall and naturally thin—or at least I was.

I was 5’ 8” and about 118 pounds as a senior in high school, with a tiny waist and relatively big boobs. I had the ideal 80s body. (I had no ass, but that was fine back in pre-Kardashians America.)

I remember a woman came up to me at a pool where I was lifeguarding once and said “How do you DO that? Like really, how do you have that body? Do you do aerobics or what?” She truly wanted to know my secret. (I had no secret. I did not exercise. And I ate plenty of crap. I was just young and tall.)

Over the decades my weight has crept up—about ten pounds per decade. No big leaps or losses other than during and after my two pregnancies.

Doctors now are never concerned about my weight. I’m well within the normal range for my height and age, but I’m not skinny anymore. I’m average.

Yet…I’ve been clinging to some old clothing sizes. I want to be a medium (not a large) in some basic items like t-shirts and underwear, but I’m not. I’m just not. Large is way more comfortable. I’m a size 10 now in dresses (despite many years of wearing size 6 or 8).

So, at 18 days from sixty, I’ve tossed a bunch of old bras and underwear and replaced them with the next size up. I’m never gonna be that old size again. I put a couple of size 8 dresses on a resale website and bought a new size 10 dress for a wedding I’m going to in July.

I don’t think I look bad, really. I’m just older. I don’t have it in me to exercise like crazy or take one of those new-fangled weight loss drugs. I’m just going to be the size I am now and hopefully stay healthy. And comfortable.

Cheryl Tiegs on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue in 1983–the year I was a senior in high school. She was the mainstream beauty ideal at the time.

An Inspiring Boomer

~ MaryG ~ 7 Comments

I got to see Broadway legend Patti LuPone perform live in concert last night and it was inspiring.

She’s 75 (about to turn 76) and she fully commanded the stage for a full two-hour show (with a short intermission). She was accompanied only by a pianist and a very talented guitarist/violinist. Both men sang some backup vocals on a few songs.

At first I thought her voice sounded a bit weak, but as the performance went on, she won me over with her incredible ability to deliver the lyrics. The performance was called “A Life in Notes” and featured songs which were meaningful to her from throughout her life.

The crowd loved her and jumped to their feet many times. I think the single biggest cheer of the night came when she added a “HA!” after the line “They say I won’t last too long on Broadway” while performing the song On Broadway to open the second half.

She sang songs from each of her Tony-award winning roles including “Don’t Cry For Me Argentina” from Evita, “Some People” from Gypsy and “The Ladies Who Lunch” from Company.

She sang several popular songs from the 50s – 80s including poignant versions of “Make You Feel My Love” and “Time after Time,” which she dedicated to her family (her husband and son) with whom she spent the long Covid lockdown (“washing hands and washing groceries”). She said that time with her family had been a gift.

She talked about being in The Third Act (of life) and how she’d been looking back on all of it, from the mundane to the extraordinary, with gratitude.

I know a lot of us are anxious for “certain people” in their 70s and 80s (👀: Congress!) to relinquish their power and let younger generations fully flower, but Patti LuPone is not one of them. Her talent, wisdom, humor and sheer stamina are inspiring. She’s a Diva in the best sense of the word. A woman who owns her talent and power and does not apologize for it. I hope she never steps aside.

Three-time Tony winner Patti LuPone performing last night. She turns 76 next month.

Class of ‘87

~ MaryG ~ 23 Comments

I have a couple of updates for you on the college class of 1987 (high school class of 1983). Most of us were born in 1965, so we are turning 60 this year. One of my best friends from college turned 60 yesterday. She broke the ice. Now the rest of us will follow…if we’re lucky. Making it to 60 is not a given. We’ve lost people—mostly to cancer, but sudden massive heart attacks have taken down a few of the men.

I appear to be the only grandparent in my college class of about 500, which is wild. A few people still have kids in high school, so I guess we tended to have kids late, but still…it’s a vivid illustration that the birthrate actually has cratered in this country.

Another observation is that people truly do age differently. Some people look 40 at 60, and some look 80. Money seems to be a factor, but not the only one. Most people are still working, but they’re either talking about retirement or saying they will never be able to retire. “Work ‘til I die” is some people’s retirement plan.

There is both a lot of concern—and a fair bit of bragging—about adult children in their 20s. “You’re only as happy as your least happy child” seems to be true. (But if you’re posting an effusive happy birthday message, with multiple pictures, for a 27-year old who doesn’t even use Facebook, you may need to let go a bit.)

Our parents, if we still have them, are very old now. I know of only one other classmate with two living parents like me. More of our mothers are still alive than our fathers.

For the first and oldest official GenXers, the Eighties was our decade. Nobody has quite so many formative memories of those years as we do. Do not challenge us to an 80s trivia quiz, because we will win. And we will also look back on it all with slightly rose-colored glasses. We’ll forget the bad stuff and laugh about that time we ate pot brownies at school and Mr. Ullman’s physics class finally made sense.

I never did see anyone get pizza delivered to a class like Jeff Spicoli, but that would have been amazing.

Fast Times at Ridgemont High came out the summer before our senior year in high school.
My 1984 look
The pizza delivery scene

Two-piece bathing suits after 50

~ MaryG ~ 3 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What strategies do you use to increase comfort in your daily life?
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In the past five years or so, I’ve gone back to wearing two-piece bathing suits. I’m not talking French bikinis here, but legit, midriff-exposing, two-piece swim suits—without skirts or ruffles (but with some strategic ruching). Two-piece suits are just more comfortable than one-piece suits and so much easier when using the restroom. I even wear one to swim laps these days.

No, I will not be posting a picture of myself in my two-piece, but here’s Paulina in hers, with both hip-replacement scars showing.

GenX supermodel Paulina Porizkova is two months older than me. We’re both going to be 60 next year. I follow her on IG. I like her honest commentary on sexism, aging, and happiness. Maybe I’ll read her book “No Filter” soon.

Another thought: If you get HBO Max, be sure to watch Jessica Lange in “The Great Lillian Hall.” It’s such a beautiful performance. At age 75, Lange is better than ever.

Accepting AARP

~ MaryG ~ Leave a comment

According to Wikipedia, AARP (formerly called the American Association of Retired Persons) is an “interest group” in the United States focusing on issues affecting those over the age of fifty. It seems that every single American gets an AARP promotional mailing on or near their 50th birthday. It’s like a rite of passage. You get it, you open it, you groan (why are they ruining your birthday?) and you toss it as quickly as possible. But they do NOT relent. They keep sending you mail every six months or so.

Well, sometime between 57 and 58, I gave in. One of the mailings mentioned car rental discounts and I needed to rent a car, so I joined. The offer was $45 for a 5-year membership for me and my husband. (Later I got $8 back for paying with my Bank of America card.) Immediately upon joining, I saved $400 on a weeklong car rental. Why did I resist this for so long? (Because it’s for old people – duh!)

My husband has not yet accepted his membership. (He doesn’t want them to have his e-mail.) A friend asked if it was possible to access the discounts without actually saying the word “senior.” Another said they might join when they hit 60. Granted AARP does send a LOT of emails, but I’ve come to realize that joining 38 million other Americans as an AARP member is a way of accepting that I’m not alone and I’m not special. I can benefit from basic health, wellness, finance, and travel trips just like everybody else. (No, I did not realize that I should be getting 25 grams of protein per meal, including breakfast. And yes, I would like to see a list of the quaintest small towns in New England. Thank you!)

One of the things I was recently reminded of by an expert in AARP’s free, interactive “Staying Sharp” app is that you can cultivate positive emotions – like awe. Joining AARP can feel like giving up on your younger self, but there’s beauty in accepting the inevitability of aging. You’re just like everybody else. You’re basic – and you’re beautiful.