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What makes you feel nostalgic?
Last night I learned that a kind, warm and loving friend, a very good woman, has suffered a sudden and devastating loss. I am gutted for her and her family. There are no words.
Rachel from the parking garage
Modern wisdom would have you believe that virtually every relationship (except for an abusive one) has a positive impact on you. I’m always reading articles about the “crisis of loneliness” which is leading to “deaths of despair,” especially in men. Apparently even small, positive, daily interactions with other humans can lead to a sense of well-being. I read one article about how self checkout at pharmacies and other stores is depriving the elderly of meaningful opportunities to have face-to-face contact with human clerks and cashiers. If this is true, then extroverts have a distinct advantage. Not everyone is comfortable smiling and engaging strangers in small talk.
As I was saying goodbye to people at work in November, I realized that some of the folks I would miss the most were staff at the garage where I parked in Boston. Three Ethiopian-Americans–Yousef, DJ and Rachel–were there, night and day, helping me out for 10+ years. Parking is a total nightmare in Boston. There are not enough spaces for all the cars and being a part-timer, I never wanted to spring for a monthly spot (which are exorbitantly priced), so I always hustled around to different parking lots trying to get an open spot at a decent rate, until I found MY garage. They were always so kind to me there. They’d take my car, even if they didn’t have an all-day spot open and move it midday. They smiled, asked me how I was, and even gave me my own key to the building, so I could get in or out after hours. They gave me a break on the price and sometimes didn’t charge me at all.
In turn, I smiled and chatted with them a lot, tipped them at Christmas, and tried to help out if they asked me for any advice about American logistical things, like which towns had better schools or how to get services for a child with disabilities. Fortunately, I got to say a proper goodbye to DJ and Yousef and give them a big hug, but sadly, I didn’t see Rachel on my last day. However, about a month prior to my departure (before I knew I was leaving), Rachel said the nicest thing to me. We were chatting as I was paying and about to exit the garage and she told me that she appreciated how I spoke to her and her colleagues. She said I treated them with kindness and respect (unlike some other customers) and that I was “a good woman.” A good woman. Honestly, it brought tears to my eyes then, and still does. Hardworking Rachel, immigrant from Africa, mother of two boys that she’s putting through college on her parking garage wages is a good woman too.
The Mean(ish) Peacocks
Daily writing prompt
If you started a sports team, what would the colors and mascot be?
I’d go with violet, teal, and fuchsia.
So, maybe the mascot could be a peacock, but like, a mean one.
AIDS made me a lifelong lib
How have your political views changed over time?
I’ve gotten more liberal.
When I was young, my views were influenced by my parents and the Catholic Church. I remember defending Nancy Reagan in an editorial I wrote for a high school social studies class.
By the time I was a junior in college, I had totally changed my mind about President Reagan. Working in the arts after college, and being exposed to the AIDS activism in that community, opened my eyes further to structural inequities. The fact that the AIDS virus (HIV) was considered a “pre-existing condition” by insurance companies and could leave young, sick people without medical care was very real and horrific to me.
Reagan was so slow to even acknowledge AIDS was a disease (much less a full blown crisis), the arts community was absolutely furious and made a lot of art about it. That had a profound effect on me.
TO READ list
Daily writing prompt
You get to build your perfect space for reading and writing. What’s it like?
I’ve read some nice posts from other bloggers this morning referencing famous writers. Their posts reminded me how Virginia Woolf’s A Room of One’s Own once affected me. It encouraged me to move into my own studio apartment, when I was just out of college. Living without roommates was a little scary, but somehow Woolf’s words from 1928 helped give me courage to live all by myself. I need to re-read that. I liked I.V. Greco’s post, which mentions Hemingway’s A Moveable Feast, a book I’ve been meaning to read since my friend Kathy recommended it while I was in Paris. I was never a Hemingway fan, but I’m going to give his Paris memoir a shot. Also, Rebuilding Rob wrote about Henry David Thoreau’s cabin on Walden Pond in his response to this prompt. Another book I need to read.
Now that I’m unemployed/retired, I need to read more books. Perhaps that will be my New Year’s resolution. In addition to Walden, A Moveable Feast, and A Room of One’s Own, I’ve got a lovely book of poetry waiting for me to pick it up. I can tell by the poems that she’s shared in her blog that Ever So Gently by Lauren Scott will be a treat.
Here are a few photos from my most recent trip to Walden Pond in Concord, MA. It was an unusually warm day in very late October. I wonder if Thoreau ever could’ve imagined his Walden would become such a popular, though still pristine, destination for people from around the world. Less than 20 miles from Boston, Walden is an especially popular spot for city residents who just want to get out in nature for the day. I saw several folks perched in quiet spots along the pond reading books, all by themselves.
Back when we were tiny
What is your all time favorite automobile?
I’m not a car enthusiast, but I associate certain cars with certain events or periods in my life. For example, Honda minivans will forever remind me of my young parenting years. Those were the largest cars I ever owned.
On the other extreme, my parents owned a blue Volkswagen bug when I was very young. I have an early memory of stuffing myself into a tiny spot in the upper part of the back seat. I remember looking up at the interior ceiling. It had little dots or holes in the material and you could kind of blur your eyes and it created an optical illusion. The dots would seem closer than they actually were, like in a Magic Eye book.
I don’t have a photo of that car, but here I am, around the same time, stretching out my legs in my new red wagon. I fit perfectly!
Do you remember fitting yourself into a small space back when you were tiny?
Merry Christmas
How are you creative?
I’m up early (7:30am) thinking of all the parents of all the young children around the world who have probably been up for two hours already. Santa came! Woo hoo! Enjoy it…these years are a lot of work, but will fly by in the blink of an eye. (Sorry, I’m sure you’ve heard this once or twice – or like ten thousand times – before.)
I think my main creative outlet these days, besides singing and this blog, is photography. And I don’t even use a real (35mm) camera anymore, just my iPhone. Here’s a shot I got the other night on my way home from choir. I thought this deer was a holiday lawn ornament, then I realized he was real. I backed up my car, opened my window, and said “hey deer.” This made him stop munching the neighbor’s shrub and look up at me.
We’re not having a white Christmas here in New England, but at least we’ve got (rein)deer.
Grant Us Peace
I hope you enjoy this recording that my choir made in 2021 during the pandemic lockdown. We each recorded ourselves singing alone at home and then sent the files to our choir director. She mixed them together using some sort of software and it really sounds quite good, especially considering she’d never done anything like this before. It was also very meaningful to the choir, and to the congregation, to hear our voices blended again after being separated for so long. Many were struggling with loneliness and isolation.
The text “Dona nobis pacem” means “Grant us peace.” The melody has been passed orally, although it is sometimes attributed to Mozart. English-language hymnals usually mark it “Traditional.” It is sung as a round, so you can sing any of the three parts at any time. You’ll never be wrong.
Beyond use at church, the round has been sung around the world in secular settings as a prayer for peace.
Merry Christmas.
Peace on Earth.
GenX arrives
Share what you know about the year you were born.
OK, I cheated and googled it. A fantastic photo journey through 1965 from The Atlantic came up. Check it out here.
The eldest members of Generation X arrived in a big year – Selma, Vietnam, The Beatles, the first moon walk, the Voting Rights Act. I did not know that Winston Churchill died in 1965, or that the US occupied the Dominican Republic that year.
Now I’ll admit to a horribly vain thing that I do: I keep track of a select list of female celebrities – born in 1965 – for the sole purpose of watching them age and comparing myself to them. I’ll literally pause a TV show and ask my husband if Sarah Jessica Parker looks older or younger than me. He knows the right answer is always “about the same as you.” You don’t stay married for 30+ years without learning basic shit.
Here’s my “born in 1965” vanity comparison list with birthdays. I was born in June, so I’m within 6 months of each of them.
Kyra Sedgwick, 8/19
Diane Lane, 1/22
Sarah Jessica Parker, 3/25
Elizabeth Hurley, 6/10
Brooke Shields, 5/31
Kristin Davis, 2/23
Paulina Porizkova, 4/9
Viola Davis, 8/11
Julia Ormond, 1/4
Maura Tierney, 2/3
Marlee Matlin, 8/24
Shania Twain, 8/28
Linda Evangelista, 5/10
I seem to have a special fondness for my fellow GenX Gemini, Brooke Shields. (She was looking at colleges the same time I was and visited some of the same schools.) I really enjoyed the recent documentary about her (Pretty Baby). She’s keepin it real and, in my opinion, looks better than ever.
All bets are off
No, I am not a good judge of character. Prior to the 2016 election, I would’ve had a different answer. Back then, my idea of “good character” was still based on what I’d learned over the years in school and church and from my family. Lying and stealing were bad. Racism and misogyny were also bad. Nazis were the absolute worst. Sure, I had rejected the Catholic Church and become a Unitarian Universalist, but I believed that most people (liberal or conservative) had a common understanding of the differences between right and wrong. I did not vote for John McCain or Mitt Romney, but I understood why reasonable people would. They were men of good character. Then, 63 million of my fellow Americans, including the man I’ve loved and trusted since Day One (my dad), voted for someone who had been caught on tape admitting to sexual assault and I realized that I never really knew anything about anyone.
50 Happens 