In the distant past, I used my white privilege to break the law intentionally many times with no consequences. I’ll chalk that up to youth and the too-high age requirement of 21+ for American nightclubs. (It really should be 18.)
I have been pulled over by the police a few times for doing stuff unintentionally. The worst was when I nearly ran over an older woman with a cane in a crosswalk. I just didn’t see her. I was pregnant and rushing to an appointment with my obstetrician. Thank God I saw her at the last moment and swerved.
I got pulled over immediately by a Boston cop on a motorcycle, as I should have been. I got a citation for “failure to yield to a pedestrian.” I did, of course, try to get out of it. I played the pregnant card, the woman card, the dumb card…all the cards. I don’t remember if I cried, but I might have. The cop did the right thing and gave me the ticket anyway. That one moving violation jacked up my car insurance premiums for years. I deserved it.
If there was a biography about you, what would the title be?
According to my son the subtitle of this blog—GenX Mom Keeps Calm & Carries On—is not accurate. According to him, I am not calm or “chill.” He says his father’s the calm one.
I started this blog shortly after I turned 50, in the fall of 2015. The name seemed about right at the time. I wrote six posts about regular mom/life stuff in 2015-16. Then all hell broke loose. The pussy-grabbing star of “Celebrity Apprentice” won the presidential election over a highly-qualified former Secretary of State and US Senator, even though she got 2,864,974 more votes than he did. Hillary Clinton beat Donald Trump in the popular vote by more than the population of the City of Chicago, which has 2.66 million people. I’ve been to Chicago. It’s huge. It’s a huge city. Hillary Clinton beat Trump by more than a Chicago. Think about it.
The big city of Chicago, 2006
Clearly I was traumatized by the election of Donald J. Trump and all that followed, including learning that I had Trump supporters among my nearest and dearest.
Blogging suddenly seemed pointless. I didn’t even think about blogging regularly again until Trump was safely out of DC and Biden was sworn in.
That whole time period after the 2020 election, when the networks took forever to declare Biden the winner and Trump kept saying the election was rigged and would not concede, was SO F***ED UP. Those crazy images of “Stop the Steal” rallies in Arizona and endless, needless recounts in Georgia with Trump caught on tape telling officials to “find him 11,780 more votes” like a mafia boss. WTF. We are the United States of America. This doesn’t happen here.
And then…and THEN…two weeks before Biden’s inauguration a fucking RIOT inside the United States Capitol while Congress convened to certify Joe Biden’s electoral win—a perfunctory, procedural, ceremonial event that never caused a stir before in my entire life. And now we’ve got Senators hiding under benches and Vice Presidents being whisked away by the secret service?!?
OK, so clearly I’m not calm anymore. I may never have been. It’s sad that I’ve been like this for so much of my son’s life. He was just 15 when Trump won, and now he’s a senior in college.
I probably won’t change the name of my blog (because I’m not sure how to do it and I’d probably end up deleting the whole thing by accident), but I’ll try to find a more accurate title for my imaginary forthcoming biography. Suggestions welcomed.
Here are a few more pictures of my one and only trip to Chicago. I went with high school friends not long after we reunited for our 20th reunion. We were 40. We liked it!
As a proud feminist and longtime supporter of abortion rights, I’m still struggling to understand what the fuck happened in the United States on November 8, 2016. The last seven years have been extremely tough to watch. And there’s no end in sight. Unbelievably, both Trump and Trumpism are alive and well. All three of his Supreme Court appointees are younger than me (actually Brett Kavanaugh and I are the same age). I’ll probably outlive Trump, but not his legacy. In many ways, it’s just really depressing. All these years of protesting and donating and voting, and we’ve gone backwards.
Here are some black and white photos I took at a Pro-Choice Rally in Washington DC in 1989. I used my 35mm Canon camera.
Here are some photos from the Women’s March on Washington on January 21, 2017—the day after Trump’s inauguration. It was the largest single-day protest in US history.
My daughter and me in pussy hats knitted by my sister
The Forced Birth Movement is terrifying and misogynist. Abortion is essential healthcare. Healthcare is a human right. Federal law should protect that right.
This is an easy one. I’m never the right temperature and I let people around me know (primarily my husband). Typically I’m too hot, but that can very quickly change to too cold, once I start to sweat and there’s any kind of breeze. The only real solution is to wear layers that I can whip on and off easily. I also wear a hair elastic on my wrist at all times – for quickly getting my hair up and off my neck.
For men and younger women: hot flashes are actually real, and not just something made up by the pharmaceutical industry. In the grand scheme of things, they’re not that big a deal, especially considering everything else women deal with prior to menopause. (I’ll take the hot flashes over debilitating cramps or blood loss resembling a murder scene.) But they are annoying, so please do us a favor and put on a sweatshirt if you’re cold. And do not, under any circumstances, crank the heat without asking. Also, if you have a house guest in this demographic, it would be very thoughtful of you to leave a fan in your guest room, especially if there’s no ceiling fan.
Speaking of the pharmaceutical industry, have you seen the ad for Veozah? It’s the new hormone-free medication for hot flashes with a known side effect of…get this…hot flashes. Geniuses!
OK, enough bitching about menopause for today. It’s the least of women’s problems these days.
If I won the lottery ($10M or more), I’d buy a beach house with a large pool. It seems that climate change is wreaking havoc with all coastal areas, so it could be risky. But then again, Vermont and interior Maine have had historic flooding the past two years, so no place is safe. For some reason, I’d rather my deluxe, fantasy second home get washed away by the ocean in a hurricane than by some dumb brook that went haywire with rain. The ocean seems like a more worthy adversary.
I’m trying to think of how to not post a completely boring answer to this prompt, but I’ve got nothing. So here’s my boring, honest answer:
Go to movies
Sing in a choir
Blog
Read
Go to museums
I do have a museum story for you. When we were visiting the Greek Antiquities section in the Louvre in December, I saw a group of French school children (around age 8) gathered around a sculpture, listening intently to their teacher. From where I was standing, I could only see the back of the sculpture — a reclining woman.
What was so interesting about this sculpture? I mean, she has a lovely bum, but why the looks of amazement?
Then I walked around to the front.
“Hermaphrodite Endormi” (Sleeping hermaphrodite)
Oh, OK, now I get it.
I couldn’t help but think of the contrast with the US where a Florida principal got fired for allowing 12-year olds to be shown a photo of Michelangelo’s “David.” Parents said the quintessential Renaissance masterpiece was pornographic.
In my experience, one key to leadership is being able to inspire people. You’ve got to: a) have a vision; and b) be able to communicate your vision in a way that makes others want to get behind it. This does not necessarily mean that your vision is a “good” or moral one. Massive numbers of people have gotten behind leaders with sickening visions. Hitler is the most obvious example, but Trump is another one. He’s literally running on revenge and lies.
I learned a lot about two of the most famous leaders of France on my trip to Paris in December—Louis XIV and Napoleon I.
Louis XIV, a.k.a. the “Sun King” because the nation revolved around him, reigned for a loooong time (1643-1715). He loved his mother and the arts and had a great personality. Allegedly, he made everyone feel comfortable when speaking with him. He managed to move the entire French government out of Paris to his favorite sleepy suburb—Versailles. People liked the guy!
One of many portraits of the Sun King in the Palace of Versailles. Don’t you just want to hang with him? I wonder if he loaned out his cool shoes.The “Gallery of Battles” in Versailles—a modest little wing of Louis’ house.
Napoleon, as you may have heard, was good at war. Eventually, he got cocky and went too far, but still, the French took him back. It was said that having Napoleon on the battlefield to rally the troops was equivalent to having 10,000 additional men. Clearly, he had something good going on personality-wise. Even now, he looms large in French life. A French couple asked me to take their photo, with his tomb, when I was in Paris.
Napoleon’s tomb in its grand setting: Les Invalides cathedral The dome above Napoleon’s tomb
Whatever it was, the 2023 film “Napoleon” starring Joaquin Phoenix completely missed it. Boy, was it bad! I hope the Oscar nominators agree. (Check out Dan’s predictions here.) As my husband said when we left Les Invalides, “The guy that Joaquin Phoenix played in the film did not deserve that tomb.” He was wasn’t the least bit inspiring – or likable. For a laugh, check out what the French had to say about the film here.
A portrait of Napoleon as Emperor that hangs in Versailles
I have a Facebook (FB) and an Instagram (IG). I used to be a regular, lighthearted Facebook contributor, but then Trump happened. I could not NOT weigh-in. So, that alienated a small number of friends and certain relatives. A couple of old but significant friendships ended largely due to Facebook bullshit. I got more interested in Instagram during the COVID lockdown. I have far fewer connections on Instagram. It’s just mostly about the pictures, and I really like to take pictures. I use IG more than FB now, but I occasionally still share something on Facebook. And I check Facebook multiple times each week to see what other people are posting, especially the big announcements. (Sadly, it’s now the main way I hear about high school and college classmates’ deaths.)
Because I hated my boss for the last few years, I’ve kept my LinkedIn up to date and I use it pretty frequently—mostly for private messages. Like Facebook, LinkedIn is good for tracking people down. Almost everyone with a job has a LinkedIn profile.
Also, because I’m cool I have two GenZ children, I have a Snapchat, which I use with my kids and a couple of close friends.
This blog, which I started when I turned 50, but largely ignored after Trump got elected, is now my favorite way to communicate online, so thank you WordPress readers and commenters! I enjoy reading your posts too–especially your responses to the daily prompt. It’s fun to see all the different directions people will go with the same few words. For example, ItsAmyISaid is a terrific writer and frequently gives us a wonderful original poem like this one, in response to the daily prompt. Check her out.
And yes, I use whatever these are—stickers? Bitmojis?
In my high school yearbook, there was a “Senior Directory.” It was an alphabetical listing of all the seniors with our names, addresses, and activities throughout high school in simple form (i.e. Tennis 1; Choir 2,3,4). There were also optional “Thanks To” and “Future Goals” sections.
I think you could say that “Future Goals” were mission statements for our 17-year old selves. Some were very specific: “To go to Westfield State and major in Computer Science. Get a good job when I graduate.” Others were non-committal: “No big plans–I’ll take it as it comes.” Some were aspirational: “To be a famous auto mechanic and build a lot of fast cars” or “To be a sound man for Iron Maiden.” The class nerd/genius’ was: “Live long and prosper.” Some of the girls (not many) mentioned marriage and motherhood. I don’t think a single boy mentioned fatherhood.
Mine was: “To learn, travel and be happy.” (I guess I was destined to be a liberal arts major.) I still like it though. It’s short and covers everything, but commits to nothing. The only problem is that it’s so self-centered. There’s no element of giving back or activism. Although I could argue that “learning” has led me to want to take action on various issues (like women’s rights) and that makes me “happy.”
So yeah, I’ll stick with my 17-year old self’s mission statement: To learn, travel and be happy.
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