What skill would you like to learn?
I have studied French, Italian and a bit of Spanish, but never became truly fluent in any of them. It would be great to speak a second language really well.
I’m currently using the Mango app (on my phone), which is free with your public library card, to study French. I recommend it. It’s easy to use and way less annoying than DuoLingo!
I think I’m past the age of worrying too much about the details. For years, I felt like I had to be on top of all the details of everybody’s lives. From toddler meals to travel basketball to college applications — the family schedule was a big deal. If you messed up, someone ate something that they were allergic to, or an important event was missed, or someone got left waiting outside in the cold.
One good thing about being an empty nester is that your time is bascially your own, outside of work.
Now, I’m more about the big picture. The “details” I care about are the optional ones that make life more meaningful like catching up with a friend, seeing a performance, talking with my book group, or traveling someplace with my husband.
I’ve had two friends (my age) recently tell me that they prefer spontaneous, rather than planned, get togethers. They don’t like putting things on the calendar way ahead and then having to cancel or reschedule because someone is sick or whatever. I can see their point. Although I’m still basically a planner, I will call or text people last-minute if I’m nearby.
They say the “devil is in the details,” so screw the details. Just do what you want, with people you like, whenever you can.
Sadly, this advice does not apply to young parents. You have to put your kids first for at least 18 years, but you’ll be shocked at how fast that goes by.
What’s the trait you value most about yourself?
I went to summer day camp with a neighborhood friend when we were about 10. On the last day, the counselors gave each child a superlative award: “MOST (something)”
My friend Carolyn, who I knew adults found challenging but was very creative, got “Most INQUISITIVE.” I remember thinking: is that their way of saying “biggest pain in the neck?”
I got “Most DEPENDABLE.” Huh, was that their way of saying I was good, but boring?
In any case, I am dependable and always have been. I do what I say I’ll do. The trick is to get me to agree to do it. I’m also pretty good at saying no.
List three jobs you’d consider pursuing if money didn’t matter.
Three jobs that sound fun to me are fragrance tester, ice cream taster, and street photographer.
Perhaps I’ll pursue one of these when I retire, although I bet they want people with younger senses for the first two.
So maybe I’ll look into street photography. I recently attended a talk by Izzy Rodriguez, a Providence street photographer and it made me remember how I had liked it once.
I took a photography class for fun in the late 80s at the School of the Museum of Fine Arts. I enjoyed going out on the streets of Boston with my camera. It was a 35mm Canon. I developed and printed the film in class. Here are some photos that I took. These people were all strangers to me, except the last one is my sister.
I’m half Italian. My father’s father emigrated from Italy, through Ellis Island, in 1905. He was 15 years old and arrived with $12. His occupation was listed as “peasant.” He worked on farms, taking care of boilers that heat the greenhouses. He became a US citizen in 1913 and was a successful farmer himself, although the state twice took his land by eminent domain to build highways. Sadly, he died young from what should have been a routine surgery, when my father was just six years old.
My grandmother carried on as best she could, but eventually lost the farm when all the young men went to fight in World War II (nobody was left to work on the farm). After that, she had factory jobs, but was able to raise her four children successfully, with two of them joining the Air Force, including my father who was then able to go to UMass Amherst on the GI Bill. He studied electrical engineering and eventually co-founded his own company with another engineer. They sold it in 1983 and I was able to go to a fancy private college on the proceeds, without incurring any debt at all.
So we went from “peasant” to “liberal arts major” in just two generations. I took all sorts of useless classes in college—poetry, drawing, art history, concert choir, etc. It was great. In my defense, I did take both economics and calculus my first semester, but dropped calculus because I didn’t think I could pass it and also be in the musical. Priorities, people.
One of my many fun classes was Italian. I took three semesters, one of them in Rome. What a beautiful language. I’m not much of a cook, so I’d have to say that the aspects of Italian culture I’m most interested in are the language, art history, and music. And by music, I mean opera, not that cheesy Italian pop.
What’s your all-time favorite album?
My husband and I recently cleaned out our attic and ended up selling both of our vinyl record collections to a local record dealer. It was sad, but they were getting warped in the attic and we don’t even have a turntable anymore. His albums were worth more than mine because he had a lot of obscure hardcore/punk and niche local bands. Mine were mostly pop, with some Broadway mixed in.
Fleetwood Mac’s Rumors and Carole King’s Tapestry were two that I really hated to give away, because I loved all the songs and the cover photos. But the album that I think I’ve listened to more than any other is Bob Marley Legend, which is basically a compilation of his greatest hits.
It came out in 1984 and was a college staple for me. Ten years later, we danced to “Is this Love” at our wedding reception and just recently listened to it for the umpteenth time on a short road trip. It has withstood the test of time!
So rise up this mornin’ and smile with the risin’ sun, cuz every little thing gonna be alright GenX. We’re good.
Addendum: My husband, who is a couple years older, would choose The Clash’s London Calling.
What would your life be like without music?
I love music and always have. I took years of piano and voice lessons, sing in a choir, and work for a music school.
Due to some recent hearing loss on one side, I’ve been fearing this very thing. What if I couldn’t hear music anymore?
And also, somewhat relatedly, how in the heck did Beethoven compose his 9th Symphony, Missa Solemnis, and other major works after he went deaf??
It would be terrible to go deaf and no longer hear music. But if I had to make a Sophie’s Choice between my vision and my hearing, I’d choose my vision. I think I’ve internalized enough music at this point in my life that I’d still be able to hear it in my head—like Beethoven…just not as well. Obviously.
How do you celebrate holidays?
Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter are the only holidays we reliably celebrate together as a family. Thanksgiving is food. Easter is church and food. Christmas is church, food, presents, and MUSIC.
Christmas music is special and I’ve always enjoyed it. When I was a kid, I liked learning carols on the piano and singing along. We actually went door-to-door Christmas caroling in my neighborhood a few times. I also liked the kitschy Christmas albums that pop stars would drop, especially the Carpenters’ Christmas Portrait.
In high school, our annual holiday concert was a beloved tradition. The highlight was the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel’s Messiah. Alumni were invited up on stage to sing it with the students. The Music Director, Mr. Phinney, was known to leave the podium and walk around behind the tenors to help them out on their big string of high notes.
I’ve performed Christmas music with many church, school, and community choirs over the years. In my current Unitarian Universalist (UU) church, we do a candlelight service on Christmas Eve. It concludes with everyone singing “Silent Night” in the darkened church as a real flame is passed from person to person. On the last verse, the piano drops out, many sing harmony, and everyone holds their lit candle high for the final “sleep in heavenly peace.” It’s a beautiful moment.
Write about your most epic baking or cooking fail.
You know it’s a truly epic fail in the kitchen, when you not only have to throw out the food, but also the cookware.
I have a recollection of chucking a roasting pan, filled with burnt-on mess, into the garbage can. I cannot remember what I was trying to make, but it was clearly an epic fail. Perhaps I was angry with the pan and it could’ve been cleaned, but I deemed it unsalvageable at the time. Poor pan.
By the way, I successfully made The Silver Palate’s Chicken Marbella last night, with some assistance from my husband. (Chicken “quartering” was required.) This was my second attempt at this classic 80s dinner party entree.
Share a lesson you wish you had learned earlier in life.
Kids think things should be fair. Siblings, especially, are always going to their parents with equity gripes. “She got more” “ You like him better” “Why does she get to stay up later than me?” “How come he gets the last doughnut?”
The sooner you accept that life’s not fair, the easier it is.
Many people are born with tremendous disadvantages—from physical disabilities to impoverished circumstances. Others have horrible bouts of bad luck—from getting hit by drunk drivers to graduating high school amidst a world war or global pandemic.
Not only should you try to appreciate what you do have (because it’s more than a lot of people and it could change at any moment), but you should waste as little time as possible expecting things to be fair. They are not.
However, I believe it’s a worthy (and honestly, patriotic) goal to try improve truly inequitable circumstances for people.
“Liberty and justice for all” is going to take some real effort from all of us in the coming year. Voting is the least you can do! Here’s an organization I work with to increase voter turnout: https://votefwd.org/. We send handwritten letters to people encouraging them to get to the polls. It’s easy and fun to do with other people in groups.
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