What’s the biggest risk you’d like to take — but haven’t been able to?
I’ve enjoyed my job for many years. I’ve gone from contractor, to part-time employee, to full-time employee with the same organization over the past 18 years.
The organization went through a rocky merger with a larger one in 2017 and it’s just never been as fun as it was in the old days. The money and benefits are better, but I don’t like the person I ended up having to report to. And there are other problems.
So, the biggest risk I’d like to take, but haven’t been able to (yet), would be to give my notice. The risk is less about the income, and more about the void. What am I going to do with all that time and mental energy? What do healthy retired people in their 60s actually do all day?
Without a doubt, the thing I’m most proud of is my family.
Even though getting married and having kids seems traditional, even conservative in some ways, it’s actually a crazy risk. Who the heck knows how it’ll all work out? You hope for the best when you choose a partner, knowing full well that nearly half of marriages fail. Then, once a baby arrives, you become the second most important in your own life. There’s not one single thing you would not do to protect your child. As Hillary Clinton said, “having a child is like deciding to let your heart forever walk around outside your body.” There is no love stronger, or more terrifying.
I know I’ve had it easier than many, but my generation has dealt with A LOT. It is completely understandable that many GenXers did not choose to go the marriage and children route. From the AIDS epidemic just as we were starting our biggest “hooking up” years (AIDS first made the cover of TIME magazine when I was a senior in high school), to President Reagan massively cutting federal aid for higher education (my two best friends had to drop out of their private colleges after freshman year), to the “Black Monday” stock market crash in 1987 (the year I graduated college), there were some pretty negative external forces at play.
The other thing that GenX has seen a lot of is addiction – both alcoholism and drug abuse. I know Baby Boomers smoked plenty of weed, but GenX had a lot more access to harder and more addictive drugs. If you’re in your fifties and you don’t know someone who overdosed and/or went to rehab, you’re lucky.
That is all to say, things weren’t always easy, but I’m so glad I took that leap of faith and got married and had two awesome children! I miss them terribly, but it’s only because we did such a damn good job raising them that they are out in the world living independently. “Adulting” is no easy task and I’m so proud of both of them for doing it so well.
What’s something most people don’t know about you?
Some people don’t know that I went to very great lengths to get a solid fake ID before I turned 21. I had a friend who was two years older and lived in Florida. I memorized all her important information and went into a Florida RMV and pretended I was her and had lost my license. I managed to walk out of there with an actual Florida drivers license that had her name and birthdate, but my photo. I guess I wanted to go to nightclubs REALLY badly, because I’m sure that was a crime.
That same friend and I got up to some other stuff that I’m not proud of—shoplifting, dine-n-dash, and lots of underage drinking.
We never got in trouble for any of it. That’s white privilege for you. Also, in the 80s, there was no internet and few security cameras. You could look like Molly Ringwald, but act like Judd Nelson, quite easily.
The first person that comes to mind when I think of the word “successful” is Ketanji Brown Jackson. I think I most admire people who are very smart and accomplished by typical standards (valedictorians, Ivy League graduates, etc.), but who choose careers not entirely based on financial remuneration. Accomplished judges, scientists, writers…they impress me. They have so much power and influence and can push humanity forward. I think we really want our “best and brightest” in those kinds of jobs.
Now, if Ketanji Brown Jackson had used her brilliant mind, work ethic, and Harvard education to go into something like, I don’t know–investment banking–I wouldn’t blame her, but I also wouldn’t admire her so.
There’s a difference between a good neighbor and a close neighbor. I grew up in a close neighborhood where the kids played together and the adults were friends. The adults organized a big Labor Day picnic every year that was tons of fun. For many years, the kids held a “carnival for muscular dystrophy,” which was a bunch of silly games and performances (think magic shows and baton twirling) in which we attempted to raise a few dollars for Jerry’s Kids.
Our nextdoor neighbors were a big part of our lives. We didn’t hesitate to go nextdoor and ask for a cup of sugar (and vice versa), if we discovered we were out midway through baking some cookies.
As an adult, I lived in one neighborhood that might have passed the sugar test. For a few years, there was a critical mass of moms who were home during the day and we hung out. I could’ve asked one of them for a cup of sugar, if I needed it.
After that, we moved to a bigger house in a different town – a subdivision. Here we have two acre lots and beautiful lawns. The lawns are a big deal. We did have a little outdoor neighbordhood gathering last weekend, but it’s not the same as the old days. The one neighbor I had here that would’ve passed the sugar test got divorced and moved to a condo downtown. (I still see her, but she’s not technically a neighbor anymore.)
These days the Number One quality of a good neighbor is that they’re quiet. If they don’t mow their lawns at 8pm or use a dreaded leafblower for hours on Saturday morning, I’m good. The noise of children is an exception. I love hearing kids play. We currently have no annoying dogs nearby, but we do have a problem. A big one. Some people moved in next door and built a chicken coop, which is not unusual, but then they did the one thing that cannot be overlooked or forgiven – they got a rooster.
Here’s the culprit with his girlfriends. He rises before 6 and squawks ALL day.
I think I’m more pragmatic than highly principled. I want to live in a peaceful world, where everyone gets along, and basic needs are met for all. I believe in democracy and capitalism within reason. I believe the government should provide basic services, including education, and should get involved in regulating and overseeing private industry to protect us and our environment. I believe there are certain things that only government can do, like protect our civil rights and bodily autonomy, including protecting us from gun violence.
I believe it is an individual’s responsibility to act in a way that contributes to society and if possible, don’t burden others. Work, pay your taxes, raise decent children, exercise, floss, and for goodness sake’s VOTE, even when it’s a real pain in the ass. Like tonight.
Massachusetts towns have this crazy form of local government called Town Meeting. It’s incredibly time consuming as people can stand up and pontificate ad nauseum on anything from a new firetruck to a new bylaw regulating backyard chickens.
Tonight there’s a zoning question around guns. Pro second amendment people will pack the meeting, as will parents and others who want to limit the number of firearms businesses in town. I’d rather stay home and watch Hotel Portofino on Masterpiece, but I will go to Town Meeting. Because you gotta do your part.
This is Article 9. It’s not as interesting as Masterpiece, but showing up and voting YES is the least I can do.The simple version
When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?
About a week after I had my daughter, I ventured out into the world without her. I left her with my husband in our apartment while I went to a pharmacy to pick-up the first photos of her. (This was 1995 and we still took actual film to Walgreens or CVS to get prints made.)
I remember thinking, “This is so weird. It’s not just me walking around anymore. I’m someone’s mother.” I wondered if I looked different, because I sure felt different. I was 29 years old.
There’s nothing like the responsibility of having a teeny, tiny human completely dependent on you to make you feel like a true grown up real fast.
Here’s one of the photos I was picking up at the pharmacy that day: my February baby 💕
If you had a million dollars to give away, who would you give it to?
I know they say it’s better to give your money to legitimate charities, rather than directly to individuals, so you don’t get scammed. Still, it would be a lot more fun to drop 25K on 40 different people whose lives would be changed by that amount of money.
The mom who just really needs a reliable car, the elderly person who is cutting pills in half to save money, the guy who wants to take a college class or two. I’d like to find 40 people like that and give them 25K each. That would be fun.
What’s something you would attempt if you were guaranteed not to fail.
OK, I’ve heard versions of this question many times and I think it’s meant to be rhetorical. It’s a way of encouraging people to take risks, dream big, and push their limits without the fear of failure holding them back. It’s a message of empowerment and motivation.
One new thing I tried in my forties was voice lessons. I had always liked to sing, but never had lessons. While taking the lessons, I sang in a few student recitals, which was no great accomplishment, because some of the singers were truly terrible. I even participated in a couple of musical theater productions as an adult. I’m glad I took the lessons, because now I have some vocal technique to rely on when singing with my choir. Occasionally the choir director asks me to sing a solo line or two. I typically accept the solo…and sometimes I actually enjoy singing it.
Here I am in a 2009 production of “Too Many Sopranos” at the community music school where I took voice lessons.
What was the hardest personal goal you’ve set for yourself?
I’m not a big goal setter. I tend to believe in the old John Lennon quote, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”
One time I really did make a conscious, considered decision to do something and then made it my personal mission was when I decided to have a second child at 35+.
We had one perfect kindergartner and my husband was not really on board with baby #2. I had been thinking the same, but then had a change of heart and knew I wasn’t getting any younger.
So I made it happen.
It took about six months to get pregnant. The pregnancy itself was OK, but my son was huge and 8 days late just before the holidays, so that was rough. Also, I had natural childbirth with a midwife which was hard, but also exhilarating and rewarding.
So yeah, having my son was the hardest and best personal goal I ever set for myself. And good news – my husband eventually came around too!
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