Chris of A New Life After Cancer reminded me that it’s International Women’s Day (IWD), which is not typically on our radar (or our calendars) in the US.
With the resurgence of full blown patriarchy on steroids here, it’s probably a good year to remember to mark IWD!
I’ll start with Boston Mayor Michelle Wu who did a great job defending our city in front of the bullies in Congress this week. She was forced to travel to DC to testify in front of hostile MAGA legislators just 7 weeks after giving birth and many found her calm, brave strength inspiring.
Boston Mayor Michelle Wu with 7-week old Mira in Washington DC on Ash Wednesday
Thank you Mayor Wu—a strong and fearless millennial.
Before I became a grandmother, I asked a couple of people to describe how it felt to have a grandchild. I wanted to know exactly how it felt, as compared to becoming a parent. Do you love the grandchild just as much as your own children? Or is it a little bit less…like a “once removed” sort of feeling? How did you feel during labor & delivery? Do you worry about the baby’s health and safety constantly, like you did with your own children, or are you able to leave the worrying to the parents? Would you throw yourself in front of a moving train (or jump into the shark tank at the aquarium) to save a grandchild? Did you love the grandchild immediately (like a parent does) or do they need to grow on you over time?
Inquiring minds wanted to know!
To be honest, I never got a good, straightforward, detailed answer. Everyone just said things like “it’s amazing.” Some said, “it’s even better than being a parent.” My own mother said it was “exciting.” (Gee mom, that’s all you got? Not much of a description!) My sister-in-law said she “just wanted to cry.”
So, I’m going to go ahead and answer my own questions for other inquiring minds:
Do you love your grandchild just as much as your own children?
Yes. And I felt love the minute I saw the detailed ultrasound pics, with a clear little head and hands. It was primal. I wanted to cry. And the feeling of holding my child’s child for the first time was like…experiencing the greatest gift the universe has to offer. There’s no emoji for it!
Or is it a little bit less…like a “once removed” sort of feeling?
No, it’s not a once removed feeling. It’s actually doubled, because you love their parent so much too. It’s like you love each of them individually and you also love & celebrate the parent/child “couple.” I like happy pictures of my daughter and granddaughter together almost as much as cute pics of the baby alone.
How did you feel during labor & delivery?
Extremely anxious! Not going to lie—it was not fun! It may be worse when it’s your own daughter in labor.
Do you worry about the baby’s health and safety constantly, like you did with your own children, or are you able to leave the worrying to the parents?
Fortunately my granddaughter was born healthy to two responsible parents, so I do not worry about her healthy and safety constantly. But I do worry. I worry about infectious diseases and environmental toxins. I also worry about car accidents.
Would you throw yourself in front of a moving train to save a grandchild, if you had to?
Yes
Do you love the grandchild immediately (like a parent does) or do they need to grow on you over time?
For me, it was immediate.
My granddaughter is just under six months old, so that’s my report for now!
Here’s a throwback photo that my parents included in a slideshow they made me for my 50th birthday. I’m assuming my mother felt something like I do now.
After seeing all of the Oscar-nominated films, I watched the broadcast with great interest last night—and lots of snacks. I tried to keep them healthy-ish (fig newtons, apple butter), but by the end of the night I was eating salted dark chocolate caramels.
Considering the state of our democracy, there was an eerie lack of political commentary. Is Hollywood actually afraid to directly criticize Dear Leader?? I thought Conan did a generally good job, but he only made one joke about Trump (saying that maybe Anora was popular because people liked seeing someone stand up to a powerful Russian). And only honorary GenXer Daryl Hannah (age 64) said anything at all about Ukraine. She came out with a “Slava Ukraine 🇺🇦” before she started reading her lines from the teleprompter.
I was not a huge fan of Anora, but I was glad to see an independent film do so well. I thought that GenXer Sean Baker’s plea to get people to go see movies in theaters again was good. He’s right that there’s a certain kind of magic in the communal, big screen experience. Plus, it helps keep those independent theaters open.
For me, the best parts of the night were the Wicked parts! The two stars looked amazing on the red carpet and their opening number was electrifying. It moved from Ariana Grande singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow in a ruby slippers-inspired gown to Cynthia Erivo singing something familiar from The Wiz (the hit 70s movie musical produced by Quincy Jones) to a live version of Defying Gravity that had every woman and gay man in the audience crying Broadway tears of joy. Long live musical theater!
Later, as part of a tribute to Quincy Jones, Queen Latifah did Ease on Down the Road from The Wiz (my favorite number from that show) with a big cast of dancers. You could see Colman Domingo, along with Cynthia and Ariana, dancing in the front row.
GenX, if you missed seeing The Wiz in the seventies, then you need to go back and at least watch that number with Diana Ross (as Dorothy) and Michael Jackson (as the scarecrow).
My favorite award of the night was when Paul Tazewell won Best Costume Design for Wicked. He proudly lifted up the fact that he was the first Black man to ever win this award and it was very moving.
Costume designer Paul Tazewell
Least favorite speeches: I thought that both of the white guys winning the major acting awards—Aidan Brody and Kieran Culkin—went on too long (shushing the music several times) and were self-indulgent. Culkin used the opportunity to pressure his wife into bearing another one of his children and Brody eventually got around to mentioning something important (antisemitism) but it took forever. Sit down guys. You’re both very wealthy actors. Have some self-awareness.
In contrast, I thought Zoe Saldaña’s speech was heartfelt and meaningful. A first-generation immigrant from the Dominican Republic, she dedicated the award to her late grandmother. Plus, she looked amazing.
There are very few women who could pull off this “bubble” dress look, but I thought Zoe Saldaña wore it beautifully.
I love my church, especially the choir, but it’s loaded with vegans and gluten-free eaters. This makes any kind of potluck or church luncheon complicated.
People will bend over backwards to accommodate these dietary preferences, but completely ignore my (and others, especially children’s) nut allergies, which can be life-threatening in certain circumstances.
There’s a difference between a food preference and a food allergy people! No vegan is going to die if they accidentally eat a bacon bit or a blue cheese crumble. I understand that some people have actual gluten allergies (i.e. celiac disease), but for the vast majority of “gluten-free” eaters, it’s just a preference. A few bread crumbs ain’t gonna kill them.
Get your priorities straight people. Let’s pay more attention to actual allergens and less to preferences. I feel like it’s just a matter of time before some vegan kills a kid with a hidden nut butter in one of their potluck recipes.
I went to my junior prom with my friend John, who was gay. He was a year older than me and we were good friends and I needed a date, so I asked him. I think I probably knew deep down that he was gay, but hoped he wasn’t. He was so cute!
Back in the early 80s, nobody was out in high school. I had lots of male friends from choir, marching band, church and plays who later came out as gay. Thinking back, John, Jonathan, Adam, Benji, Jamie and Tommy made high school way more fun. One thing they all had in common was their ability to talk to girls. There was no awkwardness. We had so much fun and so many laughs.
I remember going into Newbury Street (Boston’s fanciest shopping street) with John and pretending we were very rich kids (like the Trumps or the Hiltons) and acting like we were about to hop into all the high-end cars. Then we would use our pathetic fake IDs to get served frozen strawberry margaritas at TGI Friday’s. I remember sitting with Jamie & Adam at the local ice cream stand blasting Bruce Springsteen and singing along. Adam was an incredible singer and always got a lead role in the musicals. John was also a fantastic dancer. We had a ton of fun dancing to 80s pop hits. We all liked to dress up and go to screenings of the “Rocky Horror Picture Show” in Boston. We’d dance The Time Warp in front of the screen and throw toast at the appropriate line. Benji and I played a husband and wife (Mr. and Mrs. Squires) in The Music Man and we had a lot of fun with it. We named one of our diminutive fellow cast members “Billy” and pretended he was our son throughout the show. Billy Squires—get it? (It was an 80s thing.) Tommy was less flamboyant. He was from a large Catholic family and took church very seriously. He wanted to become a priest.
These guys were some of my best pals in high school, but there was a bit of a necessary separation after graduation. I’m sure their journeys to being who they really were wasn’t easy. Benji died in some sort of unexplained accident shortly after graduation and we all saw each other at his funeral. It was awful. Sadly, I heard that Jamie died of AIDS in the later 80s.
I reconnected with Jonathan at our 20th high school reunion and went to visit him in Chicago. I still see Adam and Tommy on Facebook and they are both married to wonderful men and doing well.
Fortunately, my romantic crush on John was short-lived. I think he tried to like me back, but it quickly became apparent that making out was just not working for us. I have no idea where he is now, but I do hope he’s alive and well and still dancing. God he was a good dancer.
OK, we have now seen all ten of the Best Picture nominees, so I’m updating my original post (in bold) below.
Because we are old (kids grown) and have plenty of time, my husband and I try to see all the Best Picture nominees before the Academy Awards broadcast in March. Here are my quick (very unprofessional) reviews.
ANORA – I thought it was just OK. My husband liked the film more than me. The last few scenes really make the film, but it takes too long to get to them in my opinion. I do not think it’s Best Picture material, but Mikey Madison (nominated for Best Actress) does give a terrific performance as a feisty New York sex worker. (We absolutely loved her in the Hulu series “Better Things” with Pamela Adlon. Go watch her in that.)
A COMPLETE UNKNOWN – I really liked it! I thought Ed Norton and Timothée Chalamet were fantastic as Pete Seeger and Bob Dylan. I have always liked folk music, so the history of the social justice grounding of the movement was interesting to me. My husband, who is more of a punk/hardcore guy, thought it was a bit boring and melodramatic.
THE BRUTALIST – Really good. It’s actually worth sitting in a movie theater for 3.5 hours to see this epic film. (There is an intermission to get up and stretch your legs.) Adrian Brody is fantastic. It’s a think piece. And worth seeing on the big screen for the Carrera (Italy) scenes alone. It will give you something to talk about at dinner. Brutalist style architecture is currently on Trump’s enemies list, so it’s au courant as well. If The Brutalist wins Best Picture, I’ll be OK with it.
CONCLAVE – I already posted about this film. We both liked it. Ralph Fiennes is terrific as the Head Cardinal in charge of overseeing the weird, secretive process the Catholic Church uses to pick a new pope. The scenes of Rome at night and the interior of the Vatican were my favorite parts. Isabella Rossellini plays a woman with the no real power (it’s the Catholic Church after all) but she plays her small part convincingly. I don’t really think it should win Best Picture, but who knows…
DUNE: PART TWO – Neither of us liked it. It’s long and boring and not our genre. In my opinion this movie is for younger people. All effects, no heart.
EMILIA PÉREZ – Really good! And so unusual. My husband said it was the only musical he’s ever truly liked. They don’t burst into big voice belting, but just kind of quietly sing/talk at key moments. It’s very effective. I actually wish we’d seen it on a big screen rather than on TV. There are a lot of dark scenes in Mexico City that would’ve been cool to see in a big dark theater. Women play all the major roles, so it passes the Bechdel Test with flying colors. I’m definitely OK with this one winning Best Picture. I heard there’s been a major controversy with one of the stars and her very bad recent tweets, but I don’t know the details.
I’M STILL HERE – This film was hard to find. We finally saw it in an AMC theater some distance from our house. If you haven’t heard, it’s Brazilian, so you have to read subtitles the entire time (unless you happen to speak Portuguese). It’s a true story based on a family whose father/husband gets “disappeared” (aka abducted and likely killed) during a time of military dictatorship in Brazil in the 1970s. Honestly, it cuts a little too close to the bone given our country’s current flirtation with dictatorship. It’s a slippery slope from granting presidential immunity and failing to enforce existing laws, to unjustified imprisonments, torture and unmarked mass graves. History repeats itself.
NICKEL BOYS – Very artsy film about a very tough subject. It’s mostly shot “as if” you are sitting in the eyeballs of the main characters—two Black boys in an abusive Florida reform school in the Jim Crow south. I have had bouts of vertigo in the past so I have a hard time watching films with jumpy camera shots, especially when they invert or spin. I had to close my eyes a lot in this one. I’m glad I saw it, but can’t say I actually enjoyed it.
THE SUBSTANCE – This is a horror movie people! Demi Moore and Margaret Qualley are fantastic, but I had to close my eyes a LOT. It’s “body horror” so a lot of gross stuff happens. If you’re OK with that, it’s worth seeing. There are a whole lot of women (including some I know and love) who put tremendous effort and money into defying nature with Botox and fillers, crazy face and body treatments, and actual scalpel surgeries. It’s a window into this mentality that goes completely off the rails as the movie progresses. Not Best Picture material, but worth streaming. (Also, tidbit for GenXers: Margaret Qualley is Andy McDowell’s daughter! She’s gorgeous like her mom, but in a completely different way.)
WICKED – I’ve already posted about Wicked. I loved it! It probably won’t win Best Picture because it was a huge blockbuster, but it probably should because it brought so much enjoyment, just like Barbie did last year. As previously mentioned, my husband doesn’t like musicals and even he said Wicked was “good.” From the moment Ariana Grande dropped down into Oz (a land of gingers) in a pink soap bubble carriage, I was all in.
Boston City Hall is the most well-known example of Brutalist architecture in Massachusetts.
And the winner is: The Brutalist – it’s a tour de force in filmmaking (made with a relatively tiny budget). I’ll see if I’m right on March 2. What are other people thinking? What have you liked?
I just read an article about Trump’s 27-year old mouthpiece Karoline Leavitt. I was surprised to learn she’s from nearby New Hampshire. (I guess I thought she’d be a Tri-Delt from ‘Bama.)
She recently had a baby and immediately returned to work, which is fine. But this fact led me to do a bit of a deep dive on her husband. Turns out he’s a 59-year old real estate mogul.
I’m sorry, but that gives me the icks. A 32-year age difference in your twenties is too much. If my daughter had a baby with a man in his sixties, I’d want my husband to punch him.
Even grosser, 72-year old Bill Belichick is dating a 23-year old. He could be her grandfather. 🤮
And while I’m at it, I read that Elon Musk’s father Errol Musk has fathered two children with his own stepdaughter. (A mere 20-year age difference between them, but still 🤮🤮)
I’ve read that “half your age plus 7” will avoid making people cringe. (So, a 60-year old could date a 37-year old.) By that rule, even if Bill Belichick lives to 100, it would not be OK for him to date a woman 49 years younger than him.
Dear Leader is 78. Melania is 54. So I guess they’ve reached the point of respectability now, but when they met he was 52 and she was 28. Borderline.
Another airplane accident yesterday, after Trump and Musk fired a bunch of critical FAA employees.
A doctor friend of mine posting this message on Facebook, after depraved anti-vax freak RFK, Jr was confirmed as Secretary of Health & Human Services:
We are so fucked. For my non-medical friends you deserve to know that so many of my physician friends are planning to leave the US, or leave clinical medicine rather than practice medicine with no research, no humanity, no respect for science, and what seems to be a deliberate attempt to make our country less healthy. This person is responsible for the deaths of children, not to mention him being a generally insane creep. Measles outbreak in Texas, TB outbreak in Kansas. Who knows what’s up with bird flu since the CDC is gagged. But sure, let’s “move away” from focusing on infectious disease.
And I don’t trust them with my money either. I downloaded my social security statement yesterday from SSA.Gov, even though I’m not collecting social security yet. Who knows what Musk and his merry band of teenage tech nerds are going to change in our accounts.
I’m not going to argue that there is no waste in the federal government (there definitely is), but I am absolutely certain that this “administration” is not motivated by a desire to protect and serve the American people. They do not care if we are safe and healthy. They are the opposite of public servants. Every single thing they do is a form of self-dealing.
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