Team Rosie

Like Sex and the City, Rosie O’Donnell is very aligned to me culturally.

In case you don’t remember the 1990s, Rosie O’Donnell was HUGE—one of America’s biggest cultural figures. Her daytime talkshow The Rosie O’Donnell Show won multiple Emmys and the media nicknamed her “The Queen of Nice.” She was truly a household name. I watched her a lot. She adopted her first child Parker in 1995, the same year I became a mom. She kept me company during the day when I was home with my kids. She was funny, kind, warm and loved Broadway musicals like I did.

In the 2000s, her image shifted as she came out publicly and became a strong advocate for LGBTQ+ rights, which made me like her even more. Later, when she was on The View, I didn’t watch her as often because I was back working, but I know that’s when her public fights with Donald Trump really ramped up. My recollection is that it was primarily a beef between two New Yorkers that had history and absolutely hated each other in a way that only two New Yorkers can.

Well, lo and behold, thirty years later, Trump is the most authoritarian President the United States has ever seen and Rosie has escaped to Ireland.

I’m obviously TEAM ROSIE in this feud.

In fact, since I discovered her TikTok and Substack shortly before my trip to Ireland, I’ve been following her time abroad closely. She seems to really love living in Dublin, although she misses her family. I even went to the Dublin comedy club where she had been practicing her act for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. By all accounts, she was a smashing success there. She plays Australia next.

I’m happy for Rosie that things are going well for her abroad, but I’m very aware of the absolutely dystopian reasons she left the country.

We are in uncharted waters now.

We live in a time when an American President publicly threatens to revoke a natural-born American’s citizenship for no reason other than that he just really fucking hates her.

Tom Cruise on The Rosie O’Donnell Show (and BTW, good on Tom for declining to accept a lifetime achievement award from Orange Mussolini at The Kennedy Center)

Very old parents

I think it is the nature of things for parents to care more about their children than vice versa.

Our children love us, but not how we love them. Oh how we love them. If they are struggling, sick or unhappy, it can be hard to function ourselves. If your parents live to be very old, you will be old too. You may be dealing with old people problems like osteoarthritis and macular degeneration at the same time as your parents. In some cases, very old parents outlive one or more of their children, which is obviously terrible for the parents. Nobody should have to bury a child. Ever.

But here’s what I think I want to say. You don’t owe your very old parents a myth of your own happy carefree existence. You’re old too. And things have gotten worse. The country has gotten worse.

I’m definitely not saying you should call up your very old parents and unload your problems on them. (If you’re still doing that at age 60+, you may have Peter Pan Syndrome.) I’m saying that if they call you a lot (and are of sound mind), it’s OK to be yourself. You don’t have to make up cheerful bullshit all the time just to keep them happy. Because that’s exhausting. And you’re old too.

On the flip side, if you’re having a good day and feel like chatting, call your mom. Nobody’s ever gonna love you like she does.

Interesting facades in London, 2019

Painful anniversary

It’s painful to go back and read this post from about a year ago—the day after Kamala Harris accepted the Democratic nomination for President of the United States. I had cried during her acceptance speech.

After so many months of dread and fear, I finally let myself feel hope and optimism for the future. My little granddaughter would be coming into a world where a woman of color was President, women’s rights to their own bodies would be restored, protecting our planet would be an international mission, and hate and racism would recede.

The Hillary Clinton nightmare would not repeat itself. It couldn’t.

I even bought my soon-to-arrive precious granddaughter a Harris-Walz onesie that said “For a Brighter Tomorrow.”

My daughter put my granddaughter in the onesie one time in early January, just so I could see it on her.

I had been imagining that we might get together and watch Kamala’s inauguration as a family. I imagined it would be a day of great joy.

And Just Like That

Predictably, I was a fan of Sex and the City and have eagerly watched all three seasons of the reboot—And Just Like That. (I saw both of the Sex and the City movies too.) We now know that this will be the final season of And Just Like That, so fans are getting ready to bid goodbye to Carrie Bradshaw forever.

My obvious connection to the show has been that I am the same generation as the main characters. Sarah Jessica Parker and Kristin Davis are my age exactly—sixty. They are among the group of actresses born in 1965 that I tend to keep tabs on.

I know there are plenty of haters out there, based on very legitimate criticisms of the show, but for me Sex and the City was like an alternate reality. By the time the show first aired in 1998, I was married with a three-year old, living in a somewhat dilapidated antique house in suburbia. What if I hadn’t gone that route? What if I had had the gumption to leave Boston for the real city in my twenties, like several of my friends? Would I be dashing around Manhattan in a tulle skirt, going to art openings and brunch?

The 60-year old versions of the characters in the reboot, still living in Manhattan in fabulous clothes, have been dealing with some relatable GenX problems from bouts of vertigo to ageism at work. Still, they’ve kept it mostly light and escapist. Even when Carrie’s husband (Mr. Big) drops dead in the shower, I wasn’t exactly heartbroken. The female friendships are still central. New York City is still central.

We’ll see what the final two episodes bring. How will my life in an alternate universe turn out?

SJP as Carrie Bradshaw in Season One of Sex and the City (1998)
Me hosting a rather cramped birthday party in our living room in 1998

Fawn in Snow

After being a finalist (and not getting) two different paid positions earlier this year, I’m feeling more and more like I actually am retired. My 30+ year career as a fundraiser feels over. It’s not that I couldn’t get some job in the field if I really wanted or needed one, but there just aren’t very many listings that excite me. And I don’t want to work a full-time job that I’m not excited about at this point in my life. I’m going to keep my LinkedIn profile open to recruiters, just in case someone reaches out with the perfect thing, but I’m not holding my breath.

[Side note: I know I’m lucky to have the option to not work at this age. All of my friends my own age are still working. My husband is still working part-time. All I can say is, we have been pretty diligent savers for most of our marriage and we got hooked up with a professional financial advisor early on. Left to our own devices, I’m not sure we’d be in this position. Honestly, my eyes just glaze over when this guy meets with us, but I do trust him. We’ve been with him for 30 years now.]

So, the question becomes: what to do? My daughter doesn’t need much help with my granddaughter and my outdoor summer pool closes Labor Day. I’m going to have a lot of time on my hands soon. I discovered last year that serving on my church’s governing board is not my thing. And my prior level of political activism (when I still thought we could stop Trump) feels futile now.

It seems like I should take advantage of this time and my health to start something new. After considering a number of options (from learning French to getting in way better shape), I’ve landed on something old. Something I used to love as a teenager. Art. I’ve enrolled in one drawing and one painting class for the fall. We’ll see where it goes, but I am excited.

Fawn in Snow, 1980, pastels, 56”x36”

Related:

Drawing

The Dealbreakers

In relation to yesterday’s post about my Jamaican-born great grandfather, I wanted to show you his “Declaration of Intention” to become a citizen of the United States from 1915:

In general, it seems like pretty standard stuff.

Name: David Powell

Age: 38 years

Occupation: Fireman

Color: White

Complexion: Fair

Height: 5 feet 7 inches

Weight: 142 pounds

Color of hair: Brown

Color of eyes: Brown

Other visible distinctive marks: Scar on chin

Place of birth: Jamaica, British West Indies

Date of birth: September 11, 1876

Current residence: 342 29 St., Brooklyn, N.Y.

Emigrated from: Liverpool, England

Vessel name: Civic

Last foreign residence: Liverpool, England

Allegiance renounced: George V, King of Great Britain & Ireland

Port of arrival: New York

Date of arrival: On or about the ___ day of May, 1903

But the last part is interesting:

I am not an anarchist; I am not a polygamist nor a believer in the practice of polygamy; and it is my intention in good faith to become a citizen of the United States of America and to permanently reside therein: So help me God.”

So, the two dealbreakers were anarchy and polygamy.

Those were the elements the US wanted most to keep out in 1915.

I guess they’d be disappointed to know that the hit reality show Sister Wives has been running strong since 2010.

Mother’s Maiden Name

You know the top secret security question we all get asked at some point:

What is your mother’s maiden name?

This is the first image that comes up in the WordPress free image library if you type the word “maiden.”

Well, I never seriously considered changing my last name when I got married. So my kids have it easy: my last name is the same as my “maiden” name. I’ve only ever had the one surname. [Actually, I just thought of this: maybe I should secretly choose a “fair maiden” name—like Guinevere or Seraphina—and tell only my kids so they can have an extra tight security question.]

But I digress…before I even start.

The point of this post is that my mother’s maiden name is Powell, which is neither Italian nor Irish—the two ethnicities I have explored the most. I’m half Italian (all of my father’s grandparents were born in Italy) and at least one eighth Irish. (I did a deep dive on that Irish great grandmother on my recent trip to Ireland.)

Well, the ethnicity of the man that my Irish great grandmother married and had six children with (including my grandfather) is more of a mystery. Thanks to my mother’s extensive research, we know his name was David Julian Alonzo Powell and that he was born in Jamaica in 1876. They married in Liverpool, England in 1903, shortly before emigrating to Brooklyn, NY.

He worked as a mechanic and a fireman and died of syphilis at age 43 in New York. His race was listed as “white” in census records and on his death certificate.

Now, David’s brother Henry, from the same two Jamaican-born parents, was classified as “mulatto” on the 1920 US census and worked as a minister in several black churches in the US south before returning to Jamaica.

One of the US churches he served was in Asheville, NC, where a newsletter noted that Rev. Powell was “a quiet cultured Christian gentleman, whose record in the city has been as clean as a hound’s tooth. He is every inch a priest in the Episcopal church. He has been a credit to the colored people in Asheville and they have in turn put a true evaluation upon him.”

Soooo, one brother (my great grandfather) lived as a white person in the US, and the other one (my great granduncle) lived as a mixed-race or black person in the US. Their father, William Henry Powell (my great great grandfather) lived his entire life in Montego Bay, Jamaica. His 1902 death certificate listed his occupation as “baker.” His race is not listed, but it seems almost certain that he and his wife Elizabeth were of mixed Afro-European descent. (Fully white Europeans were a very small percentage of the Jamaican population at that time and typically did not live and work in downtown Montego Bay, whereas Black Jamaicans and mixed-race Jamaicans frequently worked as bakers, carpenters, tailors, and other tradespeople.)

Of course, this begs one of the most challenging questions for those who seek out their roots: were any of my ancestors enslaved? And for mixed-race people, the even more more challenging corollary: were any of my ancestors enslavers? It seems likely, as slavery is how black people got to Jamaica in the first place.

I guess now I’ll have to do some reading on the Afro-Caribbean diaspora.

My grandfather (far left) and his brother (far right) with their minister uncle, Rev Henry Powell and his wife Bertha.

So, my mother’s maiden name leads to Jamaica 🇯🇲

I went to Jamaica with a boyfriend in 1990—way before I had any idea of a genealogical connection with the country.

What’s behind your mother’s “maiden” name?

______________________________

UPDATE: I’ve just learned from Elle’s blog that today (August 1) is a very important national holiday in Jamaica. It’s Emancipation Day, which celebrates the abolition of slavery in the British colonies in 1834.

Happy Emancipation Day, Jamaica. 🇯🇲

Related post:

The Dealbreakers