What’s the first impression you want to give people?
Like many Americans, I’m a smiler. I was fortunate to have had braces (twice!), so my teeth are straight. I’m not embarrassed to smile. I try to smile, even if I’m about to go full “Karen” and ask to speak to the manager. It can’t hurt, right?
The exception is obviously anytime I don’t want someone to engage with me. For women especially, this can be a safety issue. No, dude, this seat is not free. Can’t you see my coat is on it? Go sit somewhere else. (No smile for you)
When I was in the Soviet Union in the late 80s, I was shocked that nobody ever smiled out on the streets. It seemed so unfriendly. But then I got a look at their teeth. I wouldn’t smile either, if I had their teeth.
If you like smiling, thank your mother (who probably made you brush your teeth) and your father (who probably paid for your braces) and your dentist.
I’m about to start reading my book group’s selection for this month: Such Kindness by Andre Dubus III, a local author. He wrote the award-winning 1999 novel House of Sand and Fog, which I read for book group years ago.
One of the HUGE benefits of both Covid and Facebook is that I reconnected with my old wonderful book group from when I lived in my prior home in a different Massachusetts town. We were there from 1995 – 2004 and my book club was one of the absolute highlights of that time period in my life. I love these women.
We started meeting again, via Zoom, last year and I’m thrilled. We have one member who lives abroad so we typically meet at noon on Zoom (6pm her time).
My motivation to read is back, because I know I’m going to have a great discussion with a group of smart, thoughtful, insightful, amazing women.
The first line of Such Kindness is:
“OUR GOOD SAMARITAN DRIVES US THROUGH SOFTLY FALLING snow under streetlamps that have come on early.”
Hmmm…sounds interesting. I’m already picturing New England. The author lives about 30 minutes away from me and teaches at our local university, so I’m assuming some of the New England characters will resonate.
Four out of five members of my book group reunited at The ICA in Boston in July 2022. We decided we should pose with a reader 📚😄
Today was hard. It was Friday of my last real week at work. Word has been slowly leaking out and tonight I got a call shortly after 5pm from a number I didn’t recognize. It was the Executive Director of the legacy (pre-merger) organization calling to say that he is “devastated” that I’m leaving. He said I’d done amazing work over the past 18 years and left a lasting legacy at the organization. He wanted to know the details of why I’d resigned, so I told him. He was really upset. I cried. We didn’t linger on that too long, because he really just wanted to thank me – very sincerely. I truly appreciated his call.
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
I think I’ll stay in Massachusetts. It’s such a boring answer, but with the world the way it is, I really wouldn’t want to risk any other state or country. The long cold winters are a big problem for me, but you can always jump on a plane to someplace warm.
Top 5 things about Massachusetts:
We have many beaches — from Salisbury to Westport, plus Cape Cod and the islands of Martha’s Vineyard and Nantucket
We have mountains — the Berkshires are a magical region loaded with world class cultural organizations like Tanglewood and Jacob’s Pillow
We have Boston — it ain’t NYC, but it’s a real city with an international airport and several wonderful art museums
Most of the people I love and care about live here.
Politics: we were the first state to legalize same sex marriage and pass universal healthcare. We guarantee women’s reproductive freedom and have restrictive gun laws (although loopholes still exist). Trump lost every single Massachusetts county in the 2020 election.
People call us “Massholes,” but that’s just because they don’t know how to fuckin’ drive.
What’s the coolest thing you’ve ever found (and kept)?
At work last summer, I found my entire teams’ salaries (including mine) in the office printer. They were just sitting there — for hours — before I finally looked to see what they were.
I kept the paper for future reference.
Knowing that I was underpaid in relation to some less experienced colleagues made my decision to resign this week a bit easier.
I’m pretty sure this is a GenX and older problem. Nobody younger than 40 would ever print out a sheet of salaries — or really anything for that matter.
It’s not 2013 anymore. GenX (including me) needs to quit printing stuff.
What part of your routine do you always try to skip if you can?
Let’s face it, many women spend an inordinate of time (and often money) on their hair.
When I think about the hours and hours and hours I’ve spent blow drying, hot rollering, flat ironing, air wrapping, deep conditioning, curl ironing, highlighting, and otherwise fussing with my hair, I think I probably could’ve used them to get a Masters Degree or some other highly time consuming but useful endeavor.
COVID changed how a lot of us think about our hair. It made us question the point of all the bother. I saw many gorgeous silver foxes emerge after lockdown was over.
For me, I quit constantly blow drying, especially in the summer. It’s OK to let your hair dry naturally. It looks fine, even good, some might say. A friend turned me on to the large selection of curl creams that you can put on wet hair to shape your natural curls while your hair dries naturally. I like this one, available at CVS.
So, if possible, I skip the blow drying and, in the words of Elsa from Frozen, Let It Go
Who is the most famous or infamous person you have ever met?
In 2016, I had lunch with Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer, and his pit bull Junior.
I was getting my lunch at a food truck in Boston’s Christian Science Plaza when I noticed someone asking for a pic with the guy in front of me. I soon figured out it was Cesar Millan, as we had watched his show, Dog Whisperer, many times when we had Teddy.
We sat near each other on a bench and chatted while we ate our lunches. Junior sat at Cesar’s side. Junior is a large and terrifying looking American Pit Bull with wicked eyes, but he was wearing a service dog vest and I figured there was absolutely no way that the Dog Whisperer’s dog would bite me. Theoretically he’s the best trained dog in America. So I relaxed.
I found Cesar to be a very open and warm person. He told me he grew up on his grandfather’s farm in Mexico with lots of dogs. They were very poor. He came to the USA looking for a better life, crossing over the border illegally. He said, “I was a wetback.” Once in LA, he became a sought-after celebrity dog walker, which eventually led to a story in The Los Angeles Times. This eventually led to his wildly successful TV show, which ran on the National Geographic channel from 2004 – 2011.
In 2016, when I met him, he had fallen on somewhat hard times. A wildly expensive divorce and some unscrupulous management had cost him a lot. He was in Boston to do a live stage version of his show in a second-rate venue north of the city. He had a good attitude about it though. He seemed to believe that everything happens for a reason. He had learned to be careful who you trust.
When I got back to the office after lunch, my coworker Tracy, who had declined my invitation to go to the food trucks, was incredulous. She couldn’t believe she had missed the opportunity to meet Cesar Millan! It was pretty funny.
Cesar Millan and me in Boston in July 2016 — just a couple of GenXers hanging out 😉
Nobody disagreed with me that Suzanne should be fired, but she could not be fired immediately. There’s a process, starting with “corrective actions” and yada yada yada. Only extremely “egregious” acts can result in immediate firing. Apparently, scolding a colleague like a child for interrupting, while being berated for doing something they were told to do, isn’t egregious enough.
I had already made a decision to leave, if Suzanne were not fired, so that was that. I feel good about it. I’m too old to put up with toxic bullshit like that.
Now I’ve got two weeks to wrap-up and say goodbye to 18 years worth of relationships and memories. As my wise friend Gail said, “I know you have mostly enjoyed your job and coworkers. Hold onto that because that was just as real.❤️”
I’m not a big animal lover. I mean, I love the animal kingdom, especially the giraffes, but I don’t love having animals in the house.
I’ve had pets over the years. We grew up with a husky that we adopted when my mother’s tennis partner moved to Dallas, where it was deemed too hot for a cold weather breed. His name was Bunky. He was OK.
Then, when I was young and single, I agreed to take a really cute kitten from my sister’s cat’s litter. Kimba was beautiful, like Kimba the White Lion, but so so bad. I’ll never forget the time he jumped up on my refrigerator in my tiny studio apartment and nudged the antique toaster off of it. The toaster was plugged in and an arc of blue sparks flew through the air as the cord separated from the appliance.
Then, in 1993, I married a cat person. He had his own sweet little black cat named Sticky (Stick for short). He named her Sticky because she stuck to things, like curtains and pant legs. Sticky and Kimba learned to live together, but were never really friends.
Then, when my daughter was five and an only child, we got a dog. Teddy was a purebred Sheltie. He was nuts. The mailman was afraid of him. He ripped up our outdoor furniture. My daughter loved him, but then we had another child. I just did not trust this dog around the baby. One day, I accidentally stepped on Teddy’s tail while he was sleeping and he bit my foot — right through my canvas sneaker. That was it. I didn’t think it was safe to keep him any longer, so we gave him to a Sheltie rescue organization. That was rough.
This brings me to my last and best pet Cricket. Cricket was a moon-faced, greenish grey striped kitty that we adopted from a shelter in Lowell when the kids were both in grade school. They really loved her and so did my husband. She would sit in his lap at night and I could just see that stroking her was probably lowering his blood pressure. There were clear benefits for him.
It was tough when she needed to be put down during COVID after we’d spent a fortune on veterinary surgery to try to correct a problem with her back. I had to make the final decision to end her life because my husband loved her too much. She was a good pet. Our sweet Cricket.
A portrait of Cricket that hangs on our wall: a thoughtful gift from my daughter to my husband
Name the most expensive personal item you’ve ever purchased (not your home or car).
In 2014, I spontaneously purchased a $400 Coach bag. It was a few days before my birthday when I saw a hot pink, pebbled leather, satchel-style slouchy purse in the Coach store in Boston’s Prudential Center.
The color was totally impractical, but I liked it and wanted it. So I bought it. I considered it a birthday present to myself.
I used it a few times and that was it. The color is great, but it hardly goes with anything. And overall, the bag is just too big.
I still have it, receipt and all. I guess I should figure out how to sell things on eBay.
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